Maternity Leave of Six-Eight Weeks - Too Short

[Dilly]

Hi All, I just found out that unless I am medically able (not likely since I feel pretty darn healthy), I will only be granted six weeks of maternity leave and then, will need to use vacation for the remainder.

 

I don't technically even get paid for the first six weeks!

 

---Week one - I have to use 5 days vacation!!!

---Weeks 2-6 - I get reimbursed at 80%, thus one/ vacation day per week.

 

So essentially, I lose two weeks vacation with a wimpy six week maternity leave. Anyway, that should leave me with a balance by that point of two more weeks vacation, which I am thinking of saving in cases of emergency, sickness, etc.

 

Anybody have a list of pros/cons re: long maternity leaves? My main concern is that the baby is OK and adjusted and that's all really! I also fully desire to breast feed (100%) and hope I can.

 

THANKS!!!

[rocio]

It takes at least 6 weeks to recover from a smooth birth. If there are complications, like a c-section, then you won't be ready to return to work after 6 weeks.

 

Have you thought about who will take care of the baby while you're working? Daycare, nanny, etc... ? Alot of daycares won't take newborns, and waiting lists are usually pretty long (in my area, anyway).

[Dilly]

God, that's another major concern I haven't worked out. I am very seriously considering a combination of daycare and qualified sitters.

[rocio]

I would definitly get on that right away. You will want to shop around, visit various places, ask all kinds of questions, get referrals from other moms, etc. You don't want to stick your baby in a place that seems sketchy just because nothing else was available.

 

Personally, I think home daycares are the best. Stay at home moms who takes additional kids into their homes. There are usually less kids and it's more like a family setting than a school setting.

[DN]

Where are you from - that seems like a very short maternity leave. In Canada it is one year. The employer is required to hold your job, or one at the same pay, and the government pays the tab. The year can be split between the mother and the father.

[shikashika]

that sucks.. I work at a university and they get a year of 95% pay(including EI)

[Dilly]

My God, DN and ShakaShika, you guys are so fortunate. I work in the Bible Belt of the USA, NC. I truly find it unbelievable that we only get 6 weeks, if you can call it that. Anyway, I gotta do what I gotta do and I agree with Hazey in that Home Daycare may just be my best bet. I just don't have any idea how to look those options up. I really need to secure a place and soon. A nanny is still an option, not a cheap one, but an option at a whopping $1200/month. Hardly affordable, but with my shift-based schedule, may be a last resort.

[Dilly]

Happy Holidays To All!!! Thank You So Much For Your Help. Time To Go Put The Baby Room Together!!!

[BornToResist]

Aw, a baby room!! I would LOVE that! I finally just got my crib today, I'm so excited!

 

That seems like a very short maternity leave, that kinda sucks. Well I hope your baby is happy and healthy, should make it much easier!

 

How long are the waits for daycares? I have no idea what I'm going to do here....that's scary.

[Dilly]

Hey BTR, the waits are long IF you want the best daycares which are not really matched up to my schedule. Nonetheless, I think they can be 4-5 months. I am thinking NANNY for a while until I hook up with another mom who wants to babysit. I might really do some outreach.

 

And Robert actually put the bed together on Friday before I got home. It's a crib, still need a bassonette for the early months.

[rocio]

Are you girls going to have a crib and a bassonette? BTR, I followed your advice and got a pack'n'play. I guess that will be okay for the first few months, and then I might have to get a crib. Here's the one I got.. so cute:

[Dilly]

THAT IS CUTE!!! Are you having a boy or girl? I forget!!!

 

I might opt for the packnplay too if it can truly double as a bassonette. I really wish I could look at your list Hazey. I bet you took good notes from the Wal-mart thread. If you have an electronic version, maybe you could email it to me? I keep getting lists and just want something simple. People are asking me about a shower and I don't want to put a tone of unnecessary things on it. I just want the basics, for my own sanity.

[texami]

you won't get paid... as you stated, but the US Family & Medical leave act allows 12 weeks off where your job has to be held. If your job tells you only 6 weeks, maybe that has to do with the pay/vacation stuff, but they legally have to hold your job for 12 weeks.

 

link removed

[rocio]

THAT IS CUTE!!! Are you having a boy or girl? I forget!!!

 

You didn't forget. We are waiting for a surprise.

 

If you have an electronic version, maybe you could email it to me?

 

I will make one and send it over to you.

[BornToResist]

My sister in law still uses her pack n play for her 4 month old and it is wonderful. Hers is smaller, but here's a link to the one I got.

link removed

 

Here's the one my sister in law has, it's amazing and girly.

link removed

 

I have a crib too but I haven't set it up...I'm going to wait until the baby is about 3 to 4 months old.

[BellaDonna]

Dilly, The U.S. is one of the worst places in the world for maternity leave.

 

You're actually guarenteed 12 weeks without pay under the law: (wooohoooo how generous) link removed

 

Your employer might have some other benefits to offer.

 

You can add your vacation time or sick time to that.

 

If your employer offers AFLAC insurance, it works like a disability insurance and that gives you an additional 6 weeks off for vaginal birth and 8 weeks off for a c-section and AFLAC will pay you 80% of your salary while you're out. However, you can't buy a policy from them if you are already pregnant. You are not allowed to file a claim related to pregnancy until 10 months after you purchase the AFLAC policy (this ensures that they don't essentially buy claims from already-pregnant women signing up- they'd never make any money tha tway) As soon as I thought about having a child, I took out a policy.

 

Weeks 2-6 - I get reimbursed at 80%, thus one/ vacation day per week.

Do you have AFLAC too, or is this something else?

 

Too bad we do not live in Sweden- they are actually humanistic when it comes to maternity leave. The U.S. is very family-unfriendly.

 

BellaDonna

[Batya33]

My God, DN and ShakaShika, you guys are so fortunate. I work in the Bible Belt of the USA, NC. I truly find it unbelievable that we only get 6 weeks, if you can call it that. Anyway, I gotta do what I gotta do and I agree with Hazey in that Home Daycare may just be my best bet. I just don't have any idea how to look those options up. I really need to secure a place and soon. A nanny is still an option, not a cheap one, but an option at a whopping $1200/month. Hardly affordable, but with my shift-based schedule, may be a last resort.

 

To me, the longer you can stay home with your own baby, the better. I understand that Canada has longer maternity leaves and I also understand that the taxes that are paid to support that are far higher than here. If I am ever blessed with children I hope to stay home for at least two years but I would not expect my employer to foot the bill or forego replacing me for longer than the (6 or 8 weeks).

 

From my perspective, if employers did that here (in the U.S.) that likely would increase the financial and other burdens on the employer which (because most of us are employees at will, including me) could result in less stability of the company, lay offs, etc. I find the 6 to 8 weeks fairly generous of employers.

 

I'm not so sure that private employers should have to give more support (in terms of maternity leave) to people who choose the privilege of having children - and it is a privilege, from my perspective. I have given lots of support as an employee, in the form of working late instead of a parent working late so that parent could be with his or her children.

 

My life outside of work (whether I am dating to find someone to marry and settle down with, spending time with my family, volunteer activities or just leisure time) has sometimes taken second place to a parent needing to go to a child's soccer game or recital. I don't mind mostly particularly when the child is sick, but I am keenly aware of the priorities and how they are skewed against a single person having free time to find someone to be in a relationship with.

 

Another perspective is not to have children (assuming you have the choice - I am not referring to "accidents" etc) unless you can afford for one parent to stay home with the child at least for the first few years. That way, the employer doesn't have to be burdened with maternity leave, holding jobs open, etc. Not saying I agree with that perspective but to blame the employer for not giving sufficient leave is just one way of looking at this situation.

 

I wish you luck finding good and affordable day care. I worked in day care and as a nanny many years ago and I have seen the range of options. I also hope you find a way to stay home with your child longer than 8 weeks if that is at all feasible.

[rocio]

It’s a nice luxury when mothers are able to afford taking a few years off work. However, for the average family that’s just not a realistic option. Most Western countries have policies reflecting the fact that their citizens recognise this reality and place a high priority on ensuring that new mothers have the option of spending longer with their newborns before returning to work. It’s too bad that the U.S. does not have similar policies, but a loving mother can ensure that her child still receives all the care and attention he deserves.

[Batya33]

It’s a nice luxury when mothers are able to afford taking a few years off work. However, for the average family that’s just not a realistic option. Most Western countries have policies reflecting the fact that their citizens recognise this reality and place a high priority on ensuring that new mothers have the option of spending longer with their newborns before returning to work. It’s too bad that the U.S. does not have similar policies, but a loving mother can ensure that her child still receives all the care and attention he deserves.

 

And I believe it is a luxury - not an entitlement - to have children and thereforeeee private employers should not be heavily burdened with paying for employees to have the opportunity to stay home longer with children (I think the 6-8 weeks of unpaid leave is fair). If employers do that that will have to be at the expense of those who cannot have children or who choose not to have children. For example, should single people have to pick up the slack (in the situation of working late, cancelled vacations, etc) for absent parents without a raise in salary? How are they supposed to meet people and get married, have children, etc if they are at work so that parents can be home with children or have flexible schedules without a cut in pay?

 

I am all for flex time as long as those who take advantage accept the corresponding cut in salary. My issue is with parents who continue to work full time at full salary but believe that they should get priority to go to the soccer games and recitals over a single person who might have a date, a theater ticket, a plan with family. Those parents chose to have children - a privilege and a blessing - and thereforeeee why should employers have to pay for that privilege?

 

As far as government - it's a matter of where spending should go. I work at a homeless shelter a few times a month and perhaps funding should go to finding these kids proper homes instead of paying for new mothers to stay home longer with babies where the mother chose to have a child in a situation where both parents would have to work? And, I'm not so sure that taxes should be increased so that people can stay home longer with children given that having children is a choice.

 

As I mentioned, I didn't mind working late to let a parent go home and be with a child but I don't think it's "fair" either in all cases.

[Dilly]

Batya, you describe having children as a blessing! Agreed. Sleep is also a blessing as is my next meal. But it's also a fact of life. Yes, I'm thankful I have clothes in my closet and that I have quite a few to choose from, but the fact is that society wants me to wear them. Basic necessities are not privileges and there were seven the last time I checked. Reproduction being one of them. When the average household produces over 2 children, that's a one ratio, meaning each person in the US has about one child. Having said that, theoretically we all get our chance to reep what we sow. I, too, have sacrificed for parents, and for friends who just couldn't work late on Fridays. I have bent over backwards for each type of situation you can imagine.

 

And I DO feel that as a desirable hardworking employee, I should be rewarded with better benefits. My eight years of schooling is earning me a regular salary that allows me to be a single mother. However, there are many companies in the States that prioritize families and really work with employees to be accomodating. Shoot, many (including a former of mine) count a 4-hour workday as a whole, no questions asked. Yes, abuse occurs in such a system, but it's not government, it's free market. I really think parents should raise MORE (not less) of a stink about this if they want to modify work practices. Don't you see the benefits of LONG-TERM retention? Your perspective acknowledges the short-term ramifications on companies, but being that pregnancy and mother/fatherhood is a fact of life (meaning a usual course), then I feel it's appropriate for companies to treat it as a major milestone.

 

Anyway, thanks for your nice thoughts and kind words.

[Dilly]

You used the term "luxury" a few times in this thread and I really feel like Hazey is right, luxury is being a stay-at-home castaway for two years. I just want a few months to get to know my baby without having to worry about the next round of bills I have to pay. There are many valid perspectives on parenting, of which the dichotomy varies from working mom to stay-at-home. I'm not interested in going there because it's a polarizing topic and I'm a grey girl - I like taking the best of both worlds (where there's a choice). Unfortunately, being a stay-at-home mom would require me to depend on someone else for a time being and all my life, I've worked to avoid the state of dependence, at least conscious financial dependence. Institutions, employers, and governments have been served by me throughout my life, and I'm really looking forward to a day when I can feel in my heart beyond any begrudging that I've gotten something worthwhile in return. As a licensed professional, I feel enabled by the laws that suppress many, and in that regard I feel I have an advantage over others in terms of professional desirability, but not one I'm proud of.

[Batya33]

I have served employers too but they have compensated me - and thereforeeee it is not a slave situation - haven't you been paid a salary too? At minimum, we do get that in return, yes? As my mom likes to say when work is frustrating "your thank you is your pay check."

As far as stay at home mom v. working mom I agree that we shouldn't "go there" - for me, personally, I would be able to justify being financially dependent on a spouse so that I could work in the home raising a child - I would feel independent still since I would be contributing valuable time to raising our child. But that's just me.

 

To me being able to have and raise a child is a luxury - many cannot afford to have a child, or could not find a stable marriage in which to raise a child, or cannot have children/don't qualify for adoption. That is why I consider it a luxury to be able to have a biological child. I do not agree it is a fact of life - because of all the obstacles people face to having children (particularly healthy children) - it is a true blessing and a luxury when it works out.

 

Yes, I believe parents need to be accommodated - we just have different views on the extent of that accommodation. As far as retention - of course - but it is not just up to the employer - parents often have choices in how to plan families, how large a house to purchase and where (i.e. which affects how much each parent must work), etc.

 

I also want to see single people retained long term and if they are constantly having to pick up the slack for parents who want to spend time with their kids and get a full time salary that won't make for a very single-friendly place either, particularly if time with their parents, siblings, cousins are lower on the hierarchy constantly than time with kids.

 

I'm just not sure that an employer owes you additional benefits even after long term service just because you chose to have a child. If so, then employers would have to give the same time off for people who have to care for elderly parents, for spouses who are ill, siblings, etc based on the same theory. A slippery slope argument - but who decides which is more important, where does it end, and how much more do you want to pay in taxes to accommodate longer maternity leave?

 

I do not believe that stay at home moms are castaways or have a luxurious lifestyle - it is hard work, period. Among others, I watched my sister raise 4 kids, two of whom have special needs. The youngest now 10 is the first one to experience her mother working outside the home (she is now a single mother) and is already suffering as is the 15 year old. Now, I am not saying that this is the case with all working moms or even most, it's just one person and a unique set of circumstances. But her work in the home for over 15 years was nothing like a vacation - just the opposite.

 

I wish you luck and all the BEST in finding a way to stay home with your child for as long as you wish to -

[Dilly]

Batya, I tend to vascillate in my perspectives on this and you've made some strong arguments. I'm not one for increasing taxes or public welfare in any way, and to your point, I do think I personally bought too large a house and perhaps this is contributing to my stress. Nonetheless, your feedback is always appreciated, on this thread and any others I have visited. I always find myself a little more enlightened by your perspective, if not significantly overturned. THANKS!

 

Happy new year!!!

[Batya33]

Thank you for being so gracious and eloquent. A very happy new year to you and best wishes for good health during your pregnancy and a safe and smooth delivery leading to that bundle of joy (in my religion, fyi, it is forbidden to say "congratulations!" until the baby is born).

[Dilly]

Ahhh, you're welcome. It wasn't difficult to be "gracious" to you though. You are a tremendous assett to this forum!!!

 

And thanks so much for the warm regards! I sort of agree that congratulations pre-birth is a bit presumptuous! A close friend of mine has celebrated conception twice and has lost both. Such a tragedy! She would be such a wonderful mother and I hope this year brings her deepest desire to have a child into fruition!

 

THANKS AGAIN!