inappropriate! crush on my professor...

[annie24]

I have to agree with the others, and I think that the reasons Ellie pointed out are quite valid. Now, it is entirely possible he does have a crush on you. That happens - I have been in that position too. it is flattering and fun, but things shouldn't really progress. It is inappropriate. He can potentially lose his job at worst, or at best, become the laughing stock of the department. I know of a professor who had an affair with a student of his 10 years ago, and people still talk about it. Another professor I know lost his job over it.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with remaning on friendly terms with him. if anything, when the time comes, I bet he will give you a good letter of recommendation. So, it is good that he continues to notice you.

 

But I would leave any heavier flirtations until you get your degree. While you are still a student, even if you are not in his classes, it is unseemly. Just wait until you graduate, then maybe ask him out to coffee.

 

good luck

[saren]

OMG that's the best story EVER!

[walkingwithaghost]

You guys don't even know me.

 

I never called it a conquest. I could see a professor-with-benefits situation happening before a relationship because a relationship would not happen.

 

The conquest element comes in with him being my professor. Duh. A guy at a bar is not a valid conquest. I am not pursuing only a conquest... but, it would be ridiculous to expect me and him to date. That's just assanine. If he wanted to date me I would think he was weird.

 

It's bizarre that I'm talking about my professor and you bring up a guy at a bar which has nothing to do with anything. Not the one-night-stand element. But for me to be analyzing what could happen with my professor and then you bring up a coworker or guy at a bar... is very strange and irrelevant.

 

Hooking up with some guy at a bar is hardly something one should be proud of or even consider a conquest. A conquest implies something difficult to ascertain, a guy at a bar does not fall into this category. Seeing as (most) guys at bars are looking to have random sex with someone it is very very very easy to do so.

 

A professor is at a school is not there to hook up with students, actually he's def not supposed to, so if that happens then it is more difficult to make happen and more of a conquest. (If that's what you want to call it). Plus the two people (a) drunk guy (b) professor are at different levels in life all together, some drunk loser guy is not like someone who's really educated and done a lot of important things, duh (these are all reasons why you bringing that up is strange)..... A professor who has done lots of important things is a totally different story...

 

And sending an e-mail is not a lot of effort.... Sending this post takes more effort.... a lot of effort would be stalking this guy and hanging around his office or staying after class hoping to chit chat with him, sending an e-mail is no effort at all....

 

Thanks for your in-put. *rolls eyes*

 

I'm not really analyzing how to/or if he would.. I'm almost sure if I let him know I was interested that he would, I'm just thinking if I should.... and its not just about getting someone into bed, that was really rude and you don't even know me.

[CaptainPlanet]

Then... see how you go if you are no longer a student of his or the university he teaches at. The worst he could probably say is, no, you are smelly I don't like smelly girls go away smelly girl. Or something like that. If you do not mind being rejected, or being called smelly I think you should have a crack.

[walkingwithaghost]

I'm still a student at the school... the class just ended....

[itsallgrand]

Seems like you have already made up your mind and you yourself have termed it 'inappropriate'.

 

You find it taboo and so are intrigued to push the boundaries a little bit. Yet I sense a young woman who knows she would be playing with fire: and really doesn't want it to pan out.

If he goes for it, you will no longer respect him and so the fantasy and attraction will die in its own air.

 

However, there is also the risk that you will find out he sees you not as a woman who has charmed him - but as a student he is teaching. Possibility, even one in sea of faces that he has seen before, nothing special. That could be a blow to your ego.

 

Either way, you will not win by pursuing this. But...it may knock some of your irrational arrogance out of you.

 

So you spread your feathers and strut your stuff and awake to the responsibilities of being a full grown woman.

This man might be perv...and then what? You will have gotten yourself into your own mess and put yourself at risk ...for what? To prove you could do it?

 

No. You know what to do. It is the choice of being a grown up here or choosing to take the child's role.

 

The others gave a lot of different perspectives and advice. Take care.

[Weeblie]

I'm not really analyzing how to/or if he would.. I'm almost sure if I let him know I was interested that he would, I'm just thinking if I should.... and its not just about getting someone into bed, that was really rude and you don't even know me.

Sorry.

 

I didn't mean to be rude. I was never saying that you should hook up with a random guy. Or even suggesting that you're the kind of person who does such things.

 

I just don't understand what you're looking for from this teacher. You said that you wanted a "professor-with-benefits". The only benefits that you would get would be sex, an ego boost, a story and maybe a letter of recommendation. But all of that you can find elsewhere, without putting his career at risk. That is where I was going with the random guy comment. Not that you should look for a hook-up, but that you can get those "benefits" from another without causing trouble.

 

Which is why I think you shouldn't contact him.

 

You find him too old to date and would think him weird if he wanted to. You're last post says you're not looking to just get someone into bed. I find this confusing. What exactly do you want? What are you hoping for? Perhaps you can find these things in someone else?

 

Plus the two people (a) drunk guy (b) professor are at different levels in life all together, some drunk loser guy is not like someone who's really educated and done a lot of important things, duh (these are all reasons why you bringing that up is strange)..... A professor who has done lots of important things is a totally different story...

I never said go after a drunk guy. And if the professor was drunk does that make him a loser? If you were drunk does that make you a loser? No. People your age have accomplishments and education, don't put them down for having fun.

 

Thanks for your in-put. *rolls eyes*

 

You're welcome.

[avman]

walkingwithaghost, nobody here has been rude to you in the least. In fact most people have gone out of their way to be polite and try to get through to you.

 

However you are replying with hostile words in return. I get the sense you just aren't hearing what you want to hear. The point of this forum is to get differing opinions and then make your own choice. You can't come here asking for advice and then get upset when you get some.

[walkingwithaghost]

walkingwithaghost, nobody here has been rude to you in the least. In fact most people have gone out of their way to be polite and try to get through to you.

 

However you are replying with hostile words in return. I get the sense you just aren't hearing what you want to hear. The point of this forum is to get differing opinions and then make your own choice. You can't come here asking for advice and then get upset when you get some.

 

this presumptious diatribe=totally irrelevant. You have no right to tell me when or when not people or being rude to me.

 

It's ironic you post telling me the purpose of this forum while posting irrelevant nonsense in this thread. If the purpose of this forum is to give advice to the subject at hand why are you clarifying to me when and when not people are being rude...that has nothing to do with this thread... Also they have said I should pick up a guy at a bar and I just wanted to get my professor into bed... I think that is pretty rude.

 

[walkingwithaghost]

I never said go after a drunk guy. And if the professor was drunk does that make him a loser? If you were drunk does that make

you

a loser? No. People your age have accomplishments and education, don't put them down for having fun.

 

Someone at a bar trying to pick up a girl for sex is probably a loser. If my professor was doing that (at a bar looking for sex) he would be an extraordinary loser... I don't think explicating who is and who is not a loser has anything to do with the post.

 

Maybe me going to a bar for sex would make me a loser, it's certainly not something I would brag about or consider a conquest.

 

Also people my age are in college and in the process of becoming educated. Noone has an education yet or life experience or accomplishments comparable to his. That is just silly. You can't compare a 30 or 40 yr old professor's life accomplishments to a 20 year old kid in college.

 

But again this is also irrelevant.

 

[walkingwithaghost]

 

Thanks so much for posting this. It really resonated with me. I think you're exactly right, it was worded really well too, it was like poetry.

 

I was thinking about what you said a lot yesterday. I imagined if he actually did go for it what I would think of him. I think I would think he was pathetic and no longer cool haha. I think he would come off as desperate... I think the reason I like him so much now is because the last time I saw him he treated me like a kid who had a crush, but was also very nice to me, he said the perfect thing. Had he like hit on me I would be like "blagh"

 

I also realized why I saw my professor as a good candidate for "friends-with-benefits"

 

It's because a lot of gender stereotypes and social taboos would be reversed. Because in society women are supposed to say No to men and if they have casual sex they're "sluts" and seem stupid and look like they're being used. But, inside the college institution he's supposed to say no to me. And if he doesn't he's the bad one.

He's the girl and I'm the guy.

 

Also I wouldn't appear to be used because his reputation is at stake also. Not only his rep, bu this career. So he would be the one going against society's standards and exposing himself to ridicule/social exclusion/failure.

 

I hope noone steals this idea because I think I'm going to write a thesis on it, haha.

 

[avman]

You are finished here.