Abortion and the feelings a year later..

[smiles21]

Hello all, I feel the need to get this off my chest. Not even sure why I’m posting this.. not many people know.. My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago.. my story is all over this forum.. we dated for 4 years. She is 21, I’m 23..

 

Last year, she became pregnant.. We were at an odd limbo period, but she assured me it was mine, with no doubts.. so I believed her. Her mother hates me, for reasons unknown.. she is bilpolar among other things. And it would have never worked out.

 

So she had an abortion, took the pill at my house.. and I cared for her that day. My ex said she would never get an abortion, but it was impossible at the time to have that child. Part of me hates myself for what we did, as now that we aren’t together.. I felt it was a piece of both of us.. and I am regretting that decision, as hard as it would have been to have and take care of at the time.

 

I feel incredibly immature, and bothered about the situation. I’m not asking for remorse, as I don’t deserve any. I realized there is more to life than money and possessions. This girl really changed me, and part of me wonders if it was a boy or a girl.. what would it have looked like? Ugh.. I feel so low and irresponsible..

 

Sigh..

[BellaDonna]

Hi there. Abortion is never an easy decision. A lot of people don't realize the toll it can take on the male in the situation too. Just because it's not happening to your body does not mean that it's not a huge moral decision weighing on your conscience. There is often a lot of post-abortion counseling offered to women, while then men in the situation may be forgotten.

 

I can tell one thing for sure: You are a caring person and you will make a great father one day. If you were selfish, immature, or casual about it, you would not feel any remorse.

 

I'm not sure what your religious belief system is- but I suggest that you come to terms with this spiritually in some way. -Whatever way feels best for you. You may want to talk to a religious leader about it. Or you could make a donation to a children's foundation in memory of the child.

 

If religion is not your thing, then perhaps some grief counseling would be helpful to you. Just don't keep everything inside. You are brave for posting this here and I'm glad that you shared it with us. It's not an easy thing to do.

 

You did what you thought was best at the time. You can't beat yourself up forever. We all make mistakes or lapses in judgement. I think the worst thing you could do in a situation like this is to make the same mistake twice. Use this as a learning experience, because you never want anything like this to have to happen in your life again.

 

Realize that there is hope for the future and that if you are still worthy of being a father one day. Hopefullly any child you have then will be fully wanted and loved, and you will be able to bask in all of the joy that bringing a life into the world can offer you.

 

You must self-forgive to feel at peace in the future. Here's a site that might help lead you in that direction: link removed

 

BellaDonna

[smiles21]

Thanks Bella, I have been at work all day. I appreciate the feedback. It's something that will be hard to deal with forever, but some days pass where I dont think about it and others I do.. My ex is bothered by it still I assume.. but I dont think it would have worked out.. It really taught me a lesson regardless..

[scarew]

Listen to belladonnas advice. If you are struggling with this the first thing you need to do is accept it. Accept that it happened and was the best decision for you at that time. Everything has a cause. Just curious, what is the pill that you have to take? Isn't an abortion done at a clinic, physically?

[BellaDonna]

The abortion pill, RU486 is an option for some women, depending on where they live. Here is some information about it: link removed

 

It's something that will be hard to deal with forever, but some days pass where I dont think about it and others I do.. My ex is bothered by it still I assume.. but I dont think it would have worked out.. It really taught me a lesson regardless..

 

I think your heart will be less heavy with time. This does not mean that you will forget, but hopefully you will be able to forgive.

 

BellaDonna

[BornToResist]

The pill I was offered (not sure if it was that RU486 one) was from planned parenthood and can be taken up to 8 weeks or so.

 

It's actually a series of two pills, one you take at the clinic and one you take when you get home. They give you a miscarraige and you can take care of yourself (or have someone else) do it in the comfort of your own home.

[Dilly]

Maybe the grief is compounded by the breakup and you have regrets that are folding into the forgotten regret of abortion. You made the decision and it's best to consider it a life-step. Maybe if you are in these shoes again, or have the opportunity to consult a friend considering abotion, you can give your testimony of regret - testimony can be a powerful force.