Pregnant by jealousy

[Lsangel]

I've heard of girls getting pregnant on purpose to get thier man to stay, but my situation is just the opposite. About four months ago, I hooked up with this guy that I dated over two years ago. Since then I had a baby and he expressed to me that he was a bit jealous. When we were together we talked about having kids but it never happened for us. So when I found out that I was pregnant now a talked to him about it and told him that I couldn't afford to have another one (and by the way we aren't even seeing each other like that anymore). He told me that he wouldn't help me take care of the situation and I would just have to have the baby.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm already having trouble raising one on my own and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when my parents find out. I need help!

[Aschleigh]

You can get an abortion. Or give up the child for adoption.

[southerngirl]

Welcome to enotalone, I do hope you keep posting!

 

Wow, big shock huh. I guess you have some thinking to do. You know, having a child unplanned need not be the end of the world.

 

You have options. Have you gone to see a doctor yet? How old are you? How old is your child that you have already?

 

You know, many of us have been in this situation. Think about this, really think. What do you want to do?

[Lsangel]

I'll be 22 in a couple of hours and my baby now is only 1. I have not seen a doctor yet and I know it's getting late. At first I didn't want to have the baby but now I'm starting to feel it move so I'm scared to get rid of it plus it's almost too late for that. And I could never do the adoption thing. But I know having the baby would put me in an even worse situation than I'm already in financially and as far as with my family.

[southerngirl]

YOull be 22 in a couple of hours? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

 

You are already feeling movement? If you really are feeling movement, you have to be four or more months along at least. Uh yeah, Id say its probally too late for an abortion. When was your last period?

 

You need to go see a doctor. You are very concerned about what your family will think, do you live with them?

 

I am sorry you are going through this, but its not the end of the world. You must put your children first. Both of them.

 

There is help out there for you. Are you in the usa? If so you should go to your local health department to start, they can help you get on medicaid for pregnant woman. This will be health insurance to cover your pregnancy and also you can get on WIC. Which will give you food and even formula once the baby is born.

[southerngirl]

I am going to go to sleep now, its getting kinda late here and morning comes really early... I will check your post again in the morning.

 

Please keep posting, many here will help you work this out.. YOu can not ignore this.... and for your sake I hope you dont.

[Mr Mister1]

Who's the father? I'm guessing it's someone other than this ex you mentioned. Whoever they are they should be round to help you through it. It's as much their responsibility as it is yours.

 

Does he know about it? (Again assuming it's someone else).

[Lsangel]

Thanks. By now I'm about 20 weeks along and the latest for an abortion is 24 but it cost way more than I can afford. I do live with my parents and I've been trying to hide this the best I can (I'm not the smallest person in the world so it doesn't show as much as I did the first time around) but I know they won't be happy with me at all.

 

I know I have to use the resources provided to me like you suggested and get the care I need but I'm just so caught up in what my family is going to think of me, as if they don't already think enough, and how I'm so hurt because I don't have the support that I feel I need right now.

 

I know what's done is done and now I have to deal with it but I feel this overwhelming pain that I just can't handle. It's like a tremendous amount of pressure on my heart. I try and be strong everyday for my little girl but I just can't stop crying.

[Lsangel]

The father is the ex and he knows.

[Mr Mister1]

Oh well in that case he should be a man and take responsibility for his actions! Whether he wants to be with you or not it's his child and he too has to look out for him/her. I'd explain that to him. Can you make him pay child support later on?

 

I also think you should tell your parents soon, because it would be better coming from you then having them find out some other way.

 

Maybe tell his parents to? How old is he?

[annie24]

whether he wants to or not, he the father HAS to take responsibilty. you can take him to court and he will make payments.

 

ok, I think you already know this.... but if you think it's expensive to have an abortion, it's about 10,000 times more expensive to raise a child!!!!

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

You really need to think about your future.

 

You could not hide the pregnancy forever. You will have to face the truth soon.

 

Next time, please practice protected sex and use birth control pill.

 

Regarding your ex, he seems to be irresponsible. Still asked he for the child support, but don't solely depends on him for financial resource. You need to figure out way to be financially independent.

[Lsangel]

The guy is 24 and he says he will take responsibility once the baby is born but don't know how true this is cause we don't even talk. In fact, he's the one who broke up with me 2 years ago.

 

I'm afraid to tell my parents. I know that they'll be beyond upset. Not another baby in THIER house.

 

And as far as the guys parents I'm sure they wouldn't care too much. He's grown and they never really took a liking to me anyway. They're very traditional and hated me and their son being together.

[BornToResist]

Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

I'm sorry you're in the position you're in...it's a tough one but everything will be OKAY, even if it doesn't feel like it ever will be again.

 

Can I ask you, why did you wait so long...? In my state the final cutoff is 12 weeks for an abortion and I know how tough it was for me to consider it then, it must be insanely hard when you can already feel movement.

 

What do YOU feel is right in your heart? Truth is, you already have one child you're having trouble paying for (from the sound of your post).

 

You are already pregnant, it's fact, it's reality. There's nothing you can do about that NOW, you HAVE to deal with it and make a decision, however hard it may be.

 

What kind of government assistance is provided in your state? Are you currently employed?

 

If you do decide to get an abortion (your choice completely), there might be programs to help cover the costs. When I was looking into one, I asked the lady on the phone at Planned Parenthood (they're everywhere) and they have a program to help cover costs. Do you have insurance? Sometimes they'll cover it too.

 

But if you decide you want to keep the baby, then you can make it work if you really, really want to and work your butt off. It won't be easy, I'm sure, but that option is still out there.

 

Either way, I hope you keep posting. My thoughts are with you and you WILL get through this.

[yeawutever]

I agree with annie24, raising a child is more expensive than having an abortion. If this isn't an option, there's always abpption if you don't seen able to take care of the baby, you don't have to necessarily have the child. And that ex of yours is a real wuzz, sure he doesn't got to worry about the 9-month pregnancy and what does he do? Clean himself and avoid taking adult responsibilities and instead be a boy (instead of a man) and ran away, what a loser.

[southerngirl]

If you are already 20 weeks along, I wouldnt recomend an abortion. Of course, thats entirely up to you but if you dont want the baby consider adoption.

 

There are many many people out there that really want to have a baby. If you tell us what area you are posting from I would be happy to try to find phone numbers that may be of help to you.

 

I hope you keep posting.

[Lsangel]

I really didn't wait to consider the abortion option but like I posted before, it is way to expensive for me to handle alone. I asked my ex if he would help pay and he told me that he didn't pay for that kind of stuff so I would just have to have the baby.

 

Right now I have a job but I'm unable to work full time because I can't afford child care. I don't get any support from my daughters father (he walked out on me when I was 3 months pregnant) and the money that I do make, every penny goes to her.

 

I don't have insurance for myself and am in the process of goinig through the state for that.

 

But I do ask, because I've never known, what kind of services does Planned Parenthood provide?

[southerngirl]

They can give you options and help you decide what is best for you to do.

 

I really can relate to your situation but I dont know if im ready to let loose my personal story on here.

 

Ahhhh hell they probally already know enough about me already! lmao

 

I was a single mother for years before I remarried, there is hope for us all believe that... Well, I was working 50 hours a week and paying child care. I too had no insurance.

 

Well, I found out I was pregnant and it was like my nightmare became real. I didnt want another child with the one I already cared for, I can so relate.

 

I did have an abortion. I had actually gone to the doctor to get on birth control, and before he would prescribe the meds he did a standard pregnancy test. I was already pregnant about 5 weeks along. So when I was 6 weeks along or so and I took a drug that forced a miscarriage. It cost me 325 dollars and I paid for it out of my own money. I just felt it was the right thing to do and I have no regrets about how I handled the situation. I do regret putting myself into that situation int he first place. Pregnancies are preventable and me already having a child I knew just how they came to be in the first place. Sometimes I think of what my life would have been like, but I did have more children later... when the time was right...

 

My oldest son was 3 at that time, and four years later.. I had my 2nd child. I am now expecting my third.

 

But you see, there is a difference between your story and mine. YOu are far enough along that you are now feeling movement. I was barely pregnant.

 

Im not here to preach to you or tell you what you should do. But, you are a grown woman. You already have one child so you know what you are carrying inside you. By now she or he already has a sex and an ultrasound could even tell you what youa re going to have.

 

Whatever you do, do it fast. Take responsibility for your actions. Tell your parents even if you know they will get upset. They probally will not kick you out of the house as it sounds like already they are your biggest support system. Your situation could be worse.

 

You have a job, be it part time. You have a home. You have options available to you in the way of medical insurance. You live in the united states and thereforeeee you will probally qualify for medicaid for pregnant woman. It will pay for any and all medical costs associated with this.

 

When the baby is born you can file child support, wic, and for food stamps. If you can not afford childcare you can get a better job. If you do not know how to do that go to college. YOu have to be an adult and stand up and take care of those children, you are all they have. Hard facts... Life is hard.

 

Its a hard knock life.

 

EDITED to add: Again from an earlier post, your first step is to go to your local health department. They can direct you to where to go and how to apply for the help that is there for you and your children. Right now you qualify for WIC, since you are expecting a child. They will give you milk, eggs, and all kinds of other foods. Your one year old qualifies until her 5th birthday and with the new baby they will even supply you with formula.

 

All you have to do is stand up and take responsibility for your actions and go and seek out the help that is there for you.

[Aschleigh]

It seems like the first step need to be telling your parents. As much as they won't like it, they seem to stand by you so far. You need all the support you can get right now. Maybe with their help you can contact the father and the father's parents and try to get chiild support. Otherwise you may need a lawyer or to file for child support. Either way please reach out to us or anyone you can to get the help you need.

[snowgirl]

First of all, your daughter's father is required by law to contribute money. You don't need a lawyer, you need to contact social services in your area. If he won't pay, they will garnish his wages.

Also, the father of your new baby is required just the same to make child support payments if you have this baby.

[Dilly]

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AND... I hope the weekend brought you closer to telling your parents. And closer to a proven birth control method, which you know abortion is not. Have you been refraining from alcohol, substances, and otherwise any behavior that might harm the unborn? I think you have been provided with quite a bit of useful information from SouthernGirl. Why in the world would you wait until 20 weeks to get an abortion? Were you counting on support from your ex? Honestly, he almost sounds like he wants you to have it... why are you getting cold feet all of a sudden? Aren't you showing yet?

[skyjuice]

Lsangel,

 

How are you? Keep us update on your situation.