How do you know when you are bf and gf?

[lvlyldy]

Hey everyone,

 

I met a guy online (through a dating website) maybe 2-3 weeks ago, and we instantly hit it off. Our first meeting for coffee turned into a nice long walk, ice cream and dinner and lasted 5 hours. Since then I've seen him twice more (this past weekend) and am going to see him again tomorrow and probably once or twice more this weekend. We live a bit apart (about an hour or so away) and he works and I have college during the day so even seeing eachother this much so far seems like a lot. We talk everyday, online and he makes sure to call me every night. We seem pretty comfortable with eachother and have a lot of fun together, and I think this could lead somewhere.

 

I guess my question is, I know we are dating at this point having seen eachother a few times, and im pretty sure he isnt seeing anyone else (I havent really asked, but he talks to me so much I dont think he has time to) and I am not. So when does it become more "serious" ? I know its a little early, and I dont expect it to happen right away, but eventually I'd like it to be there (im not interested in just casual dating). Is it something he or I will have to one day bring up one day, or does it just "happen" and I have to assume it?

 

My last relationship lasted a year and a half, and we were bf/gf right away because we were close friends for 2 months first, so I have no idea how this works.

 

Thanks so much for your help!

[saint_saul]

Hey there,

 

It sounds like things are going great, so congrats! To answer your question, it could "happen" anytime. If things keep going nicely, it might come up in conversation -- or you might have that "special" moment that pretty much says it all. More likely than not you won't have to assume anything, and if you feel like you are in that position, you'd be better off asking him directly in case things aren't as you think they are. Regardless, good luck =).

[lvlyldy]

I guess the one thing that bothers me a little is that I asked him once about what he had wanted signing up on the website, and he replied "to meet a cool girl". I didnt understand what he meant, and I kind of waited to see if he'd say something more, and he did... he said that he'd been on a couple of first dates with girls from the site but none had led to a second date. That he has fun with me and thinks im a "cool girl"

 

I guess i dont know how to take that... when we talk, we make all these plans for all these things we want to do in the near future and he wants me to meet his roomate and he has already met a few of my close friends. I tried asking him once about past relationships and he didnt seem too open to talking about it, just saying that he had two relationships in college...one lasting a few months and one lasting a year.

 

From what he said, does he just want to casually date, or was he just unsure/it was too early to really say more about what he wanted? Should I try asking him again about it? I feel really bad, its kind of an akward thing for me to ask

[Vincent_Benton]

You should take that as a good sign and a compliment. Sounds like things are going in the right direction and questioning all these things is only going to ruin the ride. Take it day by day and when / if the time comes for the two of you to take it to the next level, you'll both know it.

 

As for past relationships, some people don't like discussing them because they fear it'll come into conflict with present ones. I wouldn't probe into that too much unless he freely brings up the topic often, in which case, he might still be waiting for closure on something. If you've moved on then there really isn't any reason to talk about that sort of stuff anyways, right? That was the past, you are the present and could very well be the future, have fun and enjoy the time.

[Batya33]

I met over 100 men in person through on line dating and the longest I dated any of them was 2-3 months (only a few). What I did to make sure we were on the same page - my profile was very direct about what I was looking for - marriage and family (I checked that box and mentioned in my profile that a goal of mine was marriage and family - did not go on and on but definitely mentioned it)- and if the person did not indicate that he was looking for marriage and family I still would meet but only if we had a general discussion about what he was looking for.

 

I would never ask specifically as to me, of course (!) but I would bring up in the first conversation - or before we met - something to do with marriage or family (i.e. my nieces, a wedding I went to, etc) and get a dialogue going. The majority of the time the man brought up the subject first so I didn't have to.

 

At my age and when I did online dating (from age 34 or so to 39) I would not have answered an ad that said he was looking for a "cool girl" - I would find that a little shallow, trivial, too much on the side of "light fun." Not "wrong" just not for me.

 

I also believe you date a person not a profile -people write things they don't always exactly mean or they get misunderstood. Ask him not about the profile (well, you can use it as a jumping off point if you have to) but about his goals in general (career, school and then also relationships). I would not ask him about past relationships - just about his future goals. I don't blame him for not wanting to be open about past relationships.

 

As far as being exclusive, I would give it a few months of dating and don't see him more than twice a week until that point so you don't get too attached (and I would hold off on sex, too).