dpressedone89 Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 tomorro erases everything yesterday has gone away no more here and now no more where and when they all wonder how how could this have been never a subtle word everything just hurts and tomorro it all goes away watch the sun rise on my suicide why did i fall so far from god i just hate it all make them go away they say time will change most everything but i just erased the time no more existence of this humble breed watch the sun rise while i bleed inside cutting out my heart and watch the sun rise on my suicide and i will create the endless night -stitches i wrote this a while ago, what do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 I'm not a big fan of a lot of poetry, and this one kind of depresses me. At the same time, I know that it is in many ways about depression, so perhaps it conveyed the emotion you were seekignt o convey. If that's the case, it was effective. On another note, it's good to see you still posting. Hope that continues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpressedone89 Posted December 12, 2006 Author Share Posted December 12, 2006 better to write it out than act it out right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 better to write it out than act it out right? Definitely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkylinesTurnstiles Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Hey i reallly like it.Its really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 A lovely poem. I really liked the contrast b/t the hope conveyed by the sunrise and the desperation in the act of suicide. Although sadness appears to be the dominant emotion, I *do* see glimmers of hope in the fact that the gaze is fixed on the rising sun and and the promises it holds. Instead of creating an endless night, how about basking in the warmth of the rising sun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KellyWyndham Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 watch the sun rise on my suicide why did i fall so far from god? i love those lines! well done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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