Need a distraction!

[blueberrypie]

for the quick recap, my bf of 10 months broke up with me about 6 months ago right before he was going abroad for 6 months. We've been talking for almost 2 months for now and considering getting back together when he comes back next week. Nothing's written on stone yet, but we are gonna see each other next weekend and see how it goes although we think we'll probably get back together.

Now I have two concerns.

1) I got hurt badly last time he left me. Although he tries to convince me it's not gonna happen again, I can't stop worrying about that possibility. I really don't want to think about breakup before we even get back together. Is there any good way I can let go of this fear?

2) As our meeting comes closer, I can't stop dreaming about how it is going to be. I can't focus on anything else. I know that I shouldn't have too much hope on the meeting and shouldn't be obsessed with the relationship, but I can't stop doing it. Please say something which can make me stop from doing this!

 

thank you in advance.

[robowarrior]

You don't have to worry about a thing. You can get back together with him as long as the problems that made you break up in the first place are solved. Personally i don't think it was anything major that made you break up other then him having time constraints. I really think you should go ahead and give it another try. Don't become a victim of the paranoid tho. Just be like a calm gondala going thru the waters of Venice, and take it slow and nice.

[Scotcha]

From only reading your above post I get the impression that the big reason for your break-up was because he went out of the country for six months.

 

Because you were together for only ten months before he left I can totally understand why a split would be reasonable. Ten months is a long time to be with someone but it really isn't what would be considered a long-term relationship so it would be easier to be apart without any restraints.

 

The fact that you've been talking for the past couple of months makes me think that you two might have had a connection that would be worth giving another chance.

 

So... As long as he doesn't have any plans to live in another country I wouldn't worry about starting another relationship with him any more than I would worry about starting any other relationship.

 

Take things as they come.

[blueberrypie]

Thank you both.

 

robowarrior: we figured out that the problem was that I wanted it to be a more serious relationship and he didn't want to admit that it was a serious relationship(this is his word. Since he was only 21 at the time, he probably didn't want to be in a serious relationship. ). Now he says that he's gonna take it seriously if we get back together. There are some other issues which still need to be solved, but it's not the problem which broke us apart.

I like the gondala analogy, what I'm worried is I'll be all over him (and he'll be all over me) once we are in person. I agree that we need to take it slow, but how do you take it slow, when you've been known him one and a half year and dated him 10 months and realized that we love each other very much.

 

Scotcha: As I wrote above, his going out of the country for six months was not the only reason but probably the big reason, because we might not have broken up even with that different perception of the relationship if he hadn't gone abroad. I thought 10 months was long enough period for one person to measure the depth of the relationship, but maybe it came from my age. Your explanation makes a sense. I was going to appreciate what you wrote, then I like everything you wrote. It actually made me calm. Thanks again!