How to deal with these situations?

[Violette]

Hi, as you can see by the number of posts I have, I am a fairly new member.

 

Although this might sound silly, and unnoticeable to most people (not an issue to them, I mean), it is something that bothers me.

 

I've always been a well-behaved person, in general. I've gotten good grades, never been in trouble, did what I was told, etc. I have never been in trouble as far as the law is concerned, and I do not drink/smoke/swear. I try to be polite to others, and respectful.

 

Here is the situation scenario that I have trouble with. If I post on a forum or webpage (not specifically this one), often my post is the victim of negative comments. I do not mean helpful comments in any regard, but name-calling in instances, and a line-by-line meaningless criticism, most recently. This has happened more than once.

 

In my normal text, I cannot find anything so particularly disgusting about the way I write as to cause this to happen. I cannot help but relate the times back in highschool where I was teased by a group of students for no particular reason. (Nothing stood out about me, but I happened to be an easy target.)

 

What makes me a target for this? How to I prevent it from happening? Once it happens, how do I defend myself without getting the post removed? (never disrespectful, just "off-topic" from the thread)

 

Thank you, as always, for reading what I have to say!

-V

[TheRedQueen]

Perhaps you're being a bit thin-skinned?

 

What exactly do mean by, "negative comments"?

[Beec]

What makes me a target for this? How to I prevent it from happening? Once it happens, how do I defend myself without getting the post removed? (never disrespectful, just "off-topic" from the thread)

 

I think in many cases, you need to pick your battles.

 

First, realize it's not personal. All someone sees is text on a page that forms some sentences, and they react to it. You cannot figure out why they react or know what experiences lead them to react in that manner, or even if they read it to have it's intended meaning. You have a lot of people on sights like this who have recently been through some life changing experiences. I also find you end up with lots of people that are tied to certain ideas that they wish to repeat over and over again, I may be one of them, as they think it helps. There are all kinds of thoughts and reasons for what people do anonymously accross the internet. Trying to account for them is simply not possible.

 

So, I think you are left with three potential options: 1. don't post; 2. let negative comments roll off you like water off a duck's butt; or 3. try to post in a manner designed not to offend.

[robowarrior]

What you have to understand is that you live in a world that is filled with darkness and hatred, this is exactly the reason why you get attacked for no reason, you might not have anything negative going on in your life, but others do and they need to grit their teeth on others to reduce their own stress.

 

This negativity is effecting you, i mean well behaved or not, in the end you are human being like everyone else. However you have something precious, and i advice you to keep loving and helping people and refuse to be effected or downgrade yourself to their low level.

 

Reality is that everyone gets insulted not just you, its like a stone thrown into a pond that spreads its ripple effect over others, when its darkness it creates a bad chain reaction over all the people that are touched, same for if its a loving and kind reaction. You have to make sure NOT to give another spin to that wheel of hatred, because if you answer nasty comments with nasty comments the wheel of hatred only gets another spin and will keep on spinning forever. Refusing to participate is the best thing as the people who cause this will get bad karma hitting them in the back of their heads as a boomerang on the long run anyway.

[dogheadma]

The only real way to change this that I can see is to change your reaction to it. Just ignore it. Let it roll off of you and then move on to bigger and better things. If you try it, I think it will bring you success in solving this problem. Good luck!

[Violette]

1. don't post; 2. let negative comments roll off you like water off a duck's butt; or 3. try to post in a manner designed not to offend.

 

The thing is, I do post in a manner designed not to offend. It doesn't seem to matter.

[dogheadma]

I think option #2 is your best bet in this scenario. JMHO.

[Beec]

The thing is, I do post in a manner designed not to offend. It doesn't seem to matter.

 

That is the risk, isn't it. Someone can always disagree with you.

 

So option 2 is really the best option.

[Violette]

That is the risk, isn't it. Someone can always disagree with you.

 

So option 2 is really the best option.

 

Yes, and disagreeing is always fine...it's only a problem when it turns hurtful.

[melrich]

Disagreeing about the issue is fine. If it is an attack on the person that is not OK and you should use the "Report Bad Post" button at the top of each post box.

[caro33]

Hi Violette, all I can say is try and not take it to heart. I went back over a recent thread you contributed to and it looked to me like someone assumed they knew you you were, or that they were using your post to interact with someone they thought were using your thread. I haven't read other posts of yours but if that one prompted this current thread I can see why.

 

I think you write very well. However someone will always find a way to misread and be un-generous if they are so inclined. And with so many of the deeply emotional threads on this kind of forum, there will be people who are so inclined sometimes.

 

I also take people's attacks to heart, hard not to. Because I mean well I get hurt and a little shocked. But imagine who those people might be, what place they might be coming from. They could be so different from you in age, life experience, biases, culture, country and religious perspecive. They don't know you at all, and they can't ever purport to.

 

Agree with melrich, if someone is out of line, report them.

 

Hey, I personally suffer from paranoia that I am a thread killer.