saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 your boyfriend/significant other started to get magazines like Maxim? My boyfriend and I recently got into an argument because of this. A couple days ago he innocently told me that he signed up to get Maxim and Esquire because of a perk from his Mom's frequent flier miles. At first, I didn't have a problem with it at all -- I mean, he was upfront, and I'm not THAT insecure. But, the more I thought of it, the more it upset me. I would just prefer if he didn't have a magazine delivered to his door in which the staple of content was scantily clad Brazilian women. Is this worth the trouble to fight over? Link to comment
caasiopia68 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 nearly all guys are like that. i wouldnt do it, especially in a relationship and it would be really awkward, but its not unusual Link to comment
Cloud802 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Well, some people are comfortable with it and some people aren't. I may not be a girl, but it's a matter of opinion, and it's just like the pornography issue. If you're uncomfortable with it you should talk to him about it. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 your boyfriend/significant other started to get magazines like Maxim? My boyfriend and I recently got into an argument because of this. A couple days ago he innocently told me that he signed up to get Maxim and Esquire because of a perk from his Mom's frequent flier miles. At first, I didn't have a problem with it at all -- I mean, he was upfront, and I'm not THAT insecure. But, the more I thought of it, the more it upset me. I would just prefer if he didn't have a magazine delivered to his door in which the staple of content was scantily clad Brazilian women. Is this worth the trouble to fight over? No it wouldn't bother me and I don't think it's worth the trouble to fight over, either. However, if he was making comparisons between the models and me (to my face)--THAT is something I would have a problem with. Link to comment
caro33 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Well I get some dumb celeb/diet women's mag sent to me because I changed electricity provider. It's free, compared to $8 per issue or so if I bought it. Now I'd never buy it, but's hey, this is free! If that's really the reason he got it, I would cut him some slack. If he wants to perve at ladies in underwear he can do it just about anywhere anyway. Try the local department store's lingerie advertising. At least this is not hardcore stuff he's signed up to. Maybe you can spirit the copy away when he gets it and he won't even notice. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 really? you're going to get upset because he has a subscription to maxim? do you read cosmo? they have photos of hunks in there. maxim has sex tips, cosmo and glamour have sex tips. Do you change the channel when a guy with his shirt off comes on screen? What if your boyfriend told you you weren't allowed to read cosmo or watch LOST because some men on that show don't have their shirts on? Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Nope, it would not bother me at all. In fact, I subscribed to Maxim Magazine for an ex of mine for a Christmas gift. I also enjoy reading those magazines...Blender, FHM, Maxim, I like reading those a lot more than Cosmo, Glamour, etc. Link to comment
Cloud802 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Well if he is putting it before you then I understancd why you have a problem. If he's not even listening to you then it's time to talk, I know you probably think you're just being paranoid but you're not. If he'd rather look at Maxim then talk to you it's time to pull out some common sense on this guy. Link to comment
saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 Annie, I'm not really that uptight at all. I don't care about pornography, and I'm sorry to say, I don't watch LOST or read Cosmo. What I said to Cloud (before I deleted the comment) is that I didn't have much of a problem with it until the way he started to act when we were talking about it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 I don't read cosmo either. I think it is dumb fluff. It is really just the female version of maxim. But I know if a man told me I wasn't allowed to, or he was bothered by me reading maxim, or watching any TV shows where there were hunks on the beach with their shirts off (LOST), that would be the end of that relationship! It just smacks of someone with control and/or insecurity issues. What bothers you about maxim? Link to comment
DN Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 I may be wrong here but you seem more upset that he won't listen to you than in getting the magazine. That appears to be controlling behaviour and is not very attractive. You do not have the right to tell him, overtly or covertly, what he can read nor should you tell him that what you think matters more than what he thinks. Link to comment
Cloud802 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Well, just talk to him about it then, how exactly is he acting though? Link to comment
saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 I can understand what you're saying, but I guess I just don't think that watching a TV show and getting magazines is the same -- perhaps because shows like LOST are more for plot, not hunks (although maybe not). Link to comment
GeneralLee Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Which do you prefer, catching him looking at a magazine filled with scantily clad Brazillian women, or catching him in a room full of scantily clad Brazillian women? Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 He is getting the subscription for his mother's frequent flier miles ultimately. I believe you not wanting him to have the subscription is a bit passive aggressive due to the fact he will not listen to you. Thoughts? Link to comment
saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 DN, I'm not controlling nor unattractive -- and I'm not exactly sure where you got the idea that I said my thoughts were more important than his (???). Also, this isn't the 1950s. If I need to talk to my boyfriend about something that might bother me, than I have the right to -- overtly or covertly, whichever I prefer. Thanks; I don't live to serve men. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 ok, but maxim and cosmo are kind of the same. How would you feel if your boyfriend told you he was upset by you reading cosmo? Link to comment
caro33 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Annie, I'm not really that uptight at all. I don't care about pornography, and I'm sorry to say, I don't watch LOST or read Cosmo. What I said to Cloud (before I deleted the comment) is that I didn't have much of a problem with it until the way he started to act when we were talking about it. Well annie might well think you're missing out re the Lost, but she can tell you that herself. If porn etc doesn't really bother you, you may well find that Maxim etc doesn't either. Perhaps try and go back to your initial reaction. I personally hate my guy checking out naked/barely clothed ladies - I'll be okay with it one minute, then I've reached super annoyance levels a matter of miliseconds later. I cracked it with him in a bookstore yesterday because he lingered for a very long time on a picture in a book of a body painted model. I recovered quickly, but it just taps into something... But I guess I can't really police what he looks at; I do know that he's respectful and not lecherous, I just get insecure. If I was you I would not say anything, then I would have a look at these magazines. I have to say, that when I look at them in the magazine shops I always enjoy the apparent insight it provides into what men think, and tend to not worry as much as I thought i would about the airbrushed girlies. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 I don't read cosmo either. I think it is dumb fluff. It is really just the female version of maxim. Cosmo got me through my flight anxiety. Whenever I fly, I read Cosmo. It gets my mind off of being 38,000 ft. in the air Link to comment
saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 Caro, that is exactly the feeling I got -- like okay for a minute, but then kinda annoyed. It's not like this issue is a big deal at all. Annie, I don't think I've ever read Cosmo, so like, I can't really answer that question. But if my boyfriend brought up me reading something of a similar nature, I would definitely want to hear him out instead of getting super defensive like he did when we talked about it. Link to comment
DN Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Controlling behaviour is unattractive - and attempting in any way to tell a boyfriend that you don't approve of his choice of magazines is a form of controlling behaviour. It means that you are attempting to get him to do something or not do something, against his own wishes just to conform with yours. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Controlling behaviour is unattractive - and attempting in any way to tell a boyfriend that you don't approve of his choice of magazines is a form of controlling behaviour. It means that you are attempting to get him to do something or not do something, against his own wishes just to conform with yours. yes, I definitely agree with this. getting upset or trying to make him see your point of view on what is and isn't appropriate to read is going to drive him away, not want him to be closer to you. I know for myself, if a man tried to restrict what I read, saying, this stuff if garbage, this stuff isn't, I'd be like, "who are you? the library nazi?" I would get defensive also. Your boyfriend, as an educated adult, has the right to read whatever he wants, and to make his own opinions about it later. I think he would rather read it himself and make up his own conclusions, rather than be told that his reading choices make you upset. Link to comment
saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 I'm not forcing my boyfriend to do anything. Seriously, this is really getting ridiculous. You are making it sound like I tied him and put him in a closet for getting Maxim -- nope, sorry, didn't do that and never would. DN, I'm not sure how you operate in a relationship, but I usually go with the "compromise" route because it works. I would rather be passive aggressive than submissive. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 what is there to compromise over? do you need to get his permission when you go to a bookstore to buy some books or magazines? Link to comment
saint_saul Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 Yes, Annie, you caught me -- I do have to get his permission when I go to the bookstore. And the grocery store, and to rent movies.. Link to comment
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