help with a hard relationship please!!!...is love worth it? :'(

[indiefan13]

ok this is a really long post, and i know many may disregard it as bloated and juvenile, but i hope SOMEONE reads it and gives me advice, because i honestly dont know what to do.

 

im 17 years old and i've been in a relationship for 7 months. we both sincerely love eachother. for the purposes of this post her name will be "Kim".

 

the problem is that we argue all the friggin time. and we don't just argue. we break down. we cry, we insult eachother, and she's um...prone to many problems.

she's got lots of issues. she's prone to cutting her wrists, forcing herself to throw up, has an alcoholic abusive father and was sexually abused by her older cousin (by one year) when she was a toddler.

when we argue it usually gets really bad, and while we always seem to have gotten past it the last 7 months, it's never without her or me hurting ourselves in some way. we dont just argue. we fall apart. this relationship is really unstable, but for the most part, the last month has been pretty peaceful - we seemed to have had mastered it.

 

but earlier today she called me and another argument evolved. she was mad at me because i'm becoming friendly with her best friend. she said things that i thought were totally unjustified. she called her best friend her "property" and that it made her uncomfortable and really * * * *ty when i hung out with her best friend without her being there. she said how she doesn't really "trust" her best friend. she used the argument that i dont care what she feels in order to make me feel bad about myself.

 

but it's not that i dont care, it's that i think it's totally irrational. am i right to stand my ground? i mean i should be able to hang out with anyone i want to. i wasn't hanging out with just her - we were in a group of four. it's not even like we like eachother or anything. she has a boyfriend and is in love. i have a girlfriend and is in love, and there's been absolutely no hint of us showing interest in eachother in that way. she's taller than me by like a foot. furthermore, we're both decent people ya know? and kim is both of our best friends. there's literally no chance of us getting together behind kim's back. and even if it's just because kim doesn't want me to steal her friendship isn't that still alittle out of line? i have no plans to steal her from kim. i think kim's best friend is a really cool person who'd i like to be friends with (and i dont have too many friends, so this is relevant for me) but kim doesn't allow me to and when i stand my ground she says that i dont care what she feels or thinks.

 

this has happened before and last time it was alot more insignificant. i friended this girl that kim hates on facebook and she got mad at me for that. and i mean it's not even like im friendly with this girl - on the contrary, i dont enjoy talking to her at all and i think she's annoying. i just friended her on facebook because i know her. well this erupted into a huge argument that involved her accusing me of being really disagreeable and not emphatic to her feelings. and then i eventually ended up de-friending the girl.

 

it's not that i dont care about her opinions or whatever, it's just that i think that it's so illogical to hate me for this. it's selfish, it's stubborn, it's stupid. am i just insane here? is she right in getting mad at me about this?

 

once, i said how i was getting into some rap music and she totally exploded and said that she's not gonna respect me after this. i was so startled. it's just my taste of music, why does that warrant her hating me?

and another time, she asked if i liked this song that shes in love with and i said "not really".

she ignored me for 20 minutes and when she did talk to me she was pissed.

 

really, whenever i disagree with her on any topic, an awkward silence or an argument follows.

situations liek this go on and on and on and i always end up feeling like im in the wrong in the end and we both always end up crying and in several cases we've actually broken up.

but we couldn't handle it. we've broken up and got back together like 5 times now because we love eachother so much.

 

is this relationship worth it? i'm always so stressed and im crying like every night. and this past argument we got into was kinda like the last straw and im ready to call it off for good. but am i wrong? should i just stop hanging out with her best friend? i feel like if i do that i'll be losing myself. or am i just being overtly-proud?

 

i know it may seem liek this relationship is * * * *, but the thing is it's not. we laugh a ton, we love hanging out with eachother and we're attracted to eachother and we always have a good time and we care for eachother more than anything else in the world. but while he have high highs, we also have low lows.

and also...im worried that i won't be able to find anyone else after kim. i have major social awkwardness. im not very good at talking or getting to know girls or first impressions or social situations or anything. and kim is the only girl i've ever felt such a connection to that i can talk fluently and such. and if i throw her away - someone i care about more than the world, how will i ever be able to love anyone again?

 

if you have any advice for ANY aspect of this realtionship, or can answer any of my questions, i would be really really grateful, and thanks a ton for reading all of this. this is something i've been holding in for more than half a year and it's come to point where i need to decide what to really do.

[luciand]

Personally that would be even a bit for me to take, but I don't know how deep your relationship goes.

 

Jeez... I don't know if you can actually go through with this, but you guys need to sit down and explain your feelings to each other and work things out. WITHOUT freaking out, yelling, or being all stubborn about it.

 

Right now it just seems everything is unstable as nitroglycerin. I think if you actually care about each other you need to sit down and try to work things out amongst yourselves. Get things settled down and enjoy yourselves like always.

 

Otherwise in the long run I don't think this will work out.

 

O... and you're not insane.

 

Pfft... if things don't work out I'm sure you will find someone else. However, you need to step up to the plate a bit. I'm personally going through a " break/break up " right now with someone I know I truly love. It will be painful, but you'll get over it and hopefully be something better in the end. If it's meant to be... it's meant to be.

[karenin]

I agree. Her problems don't sound like they're with you, they're from before you came along, and getting in the way of your relationship. Can you get her to sit down, talk as adults, calmly, about how you both feel? Maybe you can establish a sign when she's feeling bad, to take some time out, like when you're arguing or something escalates, she shouts a word then you both sit down and talk it through? If you both love each other and it's worth it, you will sort it. But getting back together and breaking up like a yo-yo isn't good for her or you, and you'll resent each other for it if it carries on. Has she seen anyone about her problems, counselling etc?

[EvaGina]

If you are asking yourself if its worth it... then its not.

Plain and simple.

 

I had a reletionship very similar to yours... and you will look back on it and realise you never loved eachother, its co-dependancy.

[freedom]

look like she has alot of issues. Things SHE has to sort out herself. She has a long way to go and to be honest i don;t think i should be your problem.

I am not saying that you should be selfish, what i am saying is that she isnt a good match. Relationships are about matching and to be honest you guys just dont match. A clear indiction is that you argue till you either one of you breaks down. Relationships should be postive and it looks to me that you are in a negative relationship.

You dont need this at your age. Look for a more positive enviroement.

[Momene]

If you're committed to each other by children/marriage/living together you fight to save a problem relationship.

 

If you're not, you split and find a relationship that isn't a problem.