My ex-girlfriend and I, and my current girlfriend

[asas]

Any help on this one would be great...

 

My girlfriend and I will have been together six months as of Christmas Eve. We met online and met up on June 24th and we officially got together straight away - not many people know that we actually met online, "through friends" was the usual answer. She's a bit younger than me - we're both teenagers.

 

We're in a really happy relationship even though it's long distance - both living in the UK about 140 miles apart. We see each other every weekend or two, and I tend to stay with her and her family over holidays. I feel like part of their family!

 

I got talking to my girlfriend while getting over my, loosely term, ex-girlfriend. Again - another online relationship, or at least that's how it started. I'm not really the social recluse I make out to be with all this internet stuff!

 

We got talking, got pretty close, met up in February this year. All went well but for various reasons she just wasn't ready for a full-on relationship. Things came to a head when I saw her again a few months later and we effectively ended it there completely. She was seeing a new guy and I thought it was time to move on... and I did, despite, at the time, being completely overwhelmed by her.

 

The other night we got talking again for the first time properly. She explained that had I only waited a while until she was ready - emotionally - she'd probably have come round to it all. Obviously, I said that I didn't know that at the time and I couldn't have done it.

 

We've been talking a lot over the past couple of nights and it turns out she's been thinking the same as me. Despite being in a very serious relationship with my girlfriend, I've still thought about her and she's been thinking about me, which could have been, and a lot about what our relationship would've been like sexually.

 

She's decided that she'd like to see me again, as a friend. She sent me a text an hour or so again telling me that she'd re-read the diary entry (sort of!) that I'd sent her about that day we first met and that she does want to see me again.

 

This leaves me with a massive dilemma. On the one hand, I do love my current girlfriend and she definitely loves me and she's been so good to me. But on the other hand, I do wonder what might have been with this other girl and I shamefully will admit that physically, I prefer this other girl.

 

I haven't forgotten that she did hurt me, but that she did think it was for the best at the time and has now seen the error of her ways.

 

So I could somehow secretly go and see her and see what happens. And I think we all know what could well happen. Despite her having a boyfriend (away in the army), she's not particularly happy with the way he's not a great guy with her and I think she wants to see what we'd be like in bed.

 

I suggested that it might be good - and no harm done - to get the whole sexual thing out of the way. Spend the day together, sleep together, and then we both know what could've been... no one knowing, no one needing to know.

 

But I love my girlfriend and it hurts to think that I'm thinking about this seriously and if I could just drive down to see this other girl right now, I'd do it. Because I really want her.

 

Maybe nothing would happen. Maybe something would happen, and maybe I'd have to make my choice.

 

A girl who loves me and adores me and wants to marry me, but is younger and less experienced in all ways. I don't like her as much as the other sexually and our sex life isn't that great. Emotionally, we're very compatible but she's more reserved than the other.

 

Or the girl who did hurt me once, but through no fault of her own. We feel like great mates and we'd like to know what might have been. Sexually, we're on the same wavelength - I'm not with my girlfriend. Emotionally we're compatible, but she's much more easy going than my girlfriend.

 

So what's a guy to do? I realise it'd be easy to judge me and that the majority of posts will call me an idiot and a fool, but what happens if all along I should have waited for this other girl and what happens if really we're supposed to be together - and my girlfriend and I aren't? Or my girlfriend and I am, and I could be throwing it all away?

 

Any advice would be great. Sorry for such a long post. Thanks.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If you go to see this other girl, break up with your girlfriend first. She doesn't deserve to have a cheating boyfriend. If you cheat what good are you to either of them? What happens the next time you meet a girl that you think might even be better? Don't cheat. Make a choice and tell the other girl to go away. Don't string them both along.

[rikka]

If you go to see this other girl, break up with your girlfriend first. She doesn't deserve to have a cheating boyfriend. If you cheat what good are you to either of them? What happens the next time you meet a girl that you think might even be better? Don't cheat. Make a choice and tell the other girl to go away. Don't string them both along.

 

Totally agree.

[coooolsome]

I wouldn't go back to your ex. One, she is going to willfully cheat on her current boyfriend with you, how would you like it if she did that to you? Considering she is going to cheat means that she could cheat on you also. You don't want a women that immature. You need to act like a man and a man knows that your ex is not right for you.

 

Even though you think your relationship would be better off, you are young and you have a lot more time to figure out what you want in life. Dont let someone who hurt you, be put in a position where she can hurt you again. Also, why did she break up with you in the first place?

[caro33]

It sounds like perhaps you are making excuses for the ex, and you have the common ego issues of the dumpee, who wants more than anything to be validated as worth it after all by the person who dumped you. Eh, we've probably all been there to some degree.

 

You might have a lot to lose here, depends on your relationship with your current girl.

 

Whatever you do, do not kid yourself that there is an justification in 'getting it out of your system' so to speak on the sly with the ex. Besides being terrifically hurtful to your current girl if she found out, it is a naive approach. It is a slippery slope, there will be no turning back. You may well not be able to stop there.

 

Also ask yourself what this says about you. You are now setting down the behaviours of a lifetime. Honestly, if we call your proprosition what it is, which is cheating, do you want to always be 'that guy' that did that?

 

Sorry if I sound harsh, and good on you for coming here. But please be honest with yourself on this one.

[Ellie2006]

Hi ASAS,

 

Hope you don't mind but I pared down your post to what, IMO, was important.

 

You said that you're meeting as friends: Based on what you write above, clearly this is NOT the case.

 

To me (and admittedly I may be wrong), it sounds like you guys are meeting to see if you're *sexually* compatible since you feel as though you two are already *emotionally* compatible enough ...

 

You say you love your current gf; then please reconsider meeting the ex bc you will only end up hurting someone who you claim to love ...

 

If you MUST meet up w/ the ex (even if it is to clear the air of all doubts -- which to me, and I apologize if this is harsh, is how you're choosing to justify your actions), then I agree w/ the advice CB gives above: do your gf a favor and break up with her first *before* you explore the potential of a relationship w. your ex.

 

Just my two cents worth.

 

Good luck to you.

[silentalways]

ellie 2006 always steals my by-line [my 2 cents worth]. i think we need to talk about that as i have copywritten it! lol. seriously, i have read some of yer posts, and u have even offered me advice, and u seem pretty kewl - so i will officially retire [my 2 cents worth] and now use...

 

for a nickel i will

 

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