poem from a sufferer of borderline personality disorder

[KellyWyndham]

The Loneliest Inner Child

I am empty.

I am nothing and I know it.

I am worthless.

Why would anyone want anything to do with me?

I am below everyone and I...all I can do is try and pretend.

I am the loneliest and I cling to everyone around me whilst pushing them away because I can't get too close.

If they get too close they'll see the real me.

What I really think, what I really do.

When they get too close, I get scared.

 

I think sex will bring me intimacy and love

So I can't say no.

I think sex makes me special.

He must really like me.

Sex proves I am beautiful.

It proves I am worthy.

Someone out there wants to be with me,

If only for one night.

 

I risk my life all the time

For confidence and passion.

I am impulsive and addicted

There's no other way to block out these thoughts.

I don't care.

In this moment I am invincible and

In this moment I'll do anything to please you.

 

I am bad.

I do bad things which I don't feel guilty for.

I'm bad because my mom says I am.

I'm bad because I'm undeserving.

You will someday abandon me

Sooner or later

You say you care but I can see what will happen.

 

I am unstable.

Who am I?

I am so many people.

I'm always trying to be someone else.

Because 'me' is someone I don't recognise

Someone I hate.

'Me' isn't good enough.

'Me' won't get me where I want to be.

I want to be somewhere else.

 

Everyone's forgotten what happened to me

Especially you.

You are the one to blame

But blaming you will do nothing.

Everyone thinks its over now

And thankgod it doesn't continue.

But it does continue

Because I remember and it's a part of me now.

 

I remember the words and the looks you gave me.

I remember the pain and the prolonged fear.

I remember when I was thrown around.

I remember when I thought I deserved it.

You told me I deserved it.

And now that its over

It still goes on

Inside my head.

 

I am the loneliest inner child.

[yeawutever]

Wow that's intense, you might want to become a poet one of these days!!!!!!

[Daddy Bear]

this is an astounding poem. so deep, and so handsomely crafted... thanks for sharing it with us.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

That is really good! I love it great work! Its sad how many people would do anything to please other people, but i understand as well. We strive to be the best. But in the end theres always gonna be someone smarter then you, always someone prettier then you, always someone more loved then you. Its just how you deal with that i guess.

[NKP]

I love it, i can relate to alot of it myself

[black eyed]

Brilliant!

From that I am sure you are an amazing person and one day you will see that.