This is... strange...

[EvaGina]

OKAY -deep breath-

I go out to town with Tony, Tony is all over me but Im not interested, however, we meet tony's friend Matt, who I am instantly attracted to and who seems to be interested in me, but thinks I am with Tony.

 

A few days later, Matt messages me on myspace, he had found out that Tony and I arent together and wanted to meet up.

 

We go out on a date, end up at his friends house, where he is cuddling me and telling me he likes me and stuff. All very nice. The thing is, it turns out he is going to England in the new year to see this girl, so he cant really start a reletionship.

 

He says that if he had met me before he had organised and paid for his trip, it would be different, but its still a bit strange. I know he likes me and we do get along really well. But he has the same kind of reletionship issues I have, commitment issues and the like.

 

I know hes not just trying to use me for sex or anything, as I have told him, plain and clear, that I am not going to do anything like that with him until he figures out what is going on with this girl. I have also made it clear that I am not going to wait for him, I am still dating other guys and the like.

 

We talk everyday and I really enjoy just spending time with him, but there is so much sexual tension, its hard to ignore that we WANT to be more than just friends.

 

So, My question, should I stop hanging around with him? Should I keep hanging out with him and just hope the sexual element dissapates? Should I give in and just enjoy being with him while he is here? I have nothing against casual sex or anything like that, but I have a feeling I would be hurt when he left to see her, no matter how composed I would seem to him... Im not one to stand in peoples way if they want to see how things go with another person :splat:

[chai714]

Tell him to enjoy his time in England. Meanwhile, become more aloof toward him - it's unlikely he's going to start an overseas relationship but if it does good luck for him.

 

I doubt you could have sex with him and walk away because it's rare emotions aren't attached to sex and especially with women (yes, that's a generalization). So in that respect, you're right that you probably would be hurt you to have casual sex with him, then watch him off to see another woman. That would seem odd.

[EvaGina]

I could normally, easily, just have sex and walk off, I am pretty man-ish in most areas of sex and dating... but not with this guy...

[blender]

Do NOT have sex with him, for now this is your power, your sense of self, so hold on to it tightly, cherish yourself, and your precious body, if you do NOT treat yourseif with respect, then he will only learn to disrespect you. Do NOT do this to yourself, be strong, smart, confident, and do not surrender to your "urges" right now, because they might end up defining you in a way you do not wish to be defined.

 

That is not the impression you want him to go to London with, so just keep up a lite and polite friendship with him, try not to spend too much time with him, if you really are interested in him, then let him "stay curious", and do not spend so much time with him, and whatever you do, do NOT have sex with him. Let him go to London still wondering about you... That is what you would want right?

 

This is not about what he wants, this is about YOU right now, and how you choose to define yourself.

 

He's told you he's got a girl and he's going to London to see her, so respect this, even if he doesn't, (and by the way if he's willing to do this to her, he will eventually do this to you, that is a FACT), Do YOU respect this about him?

 

so keep your eyes and ears open and notice "his qualtiy of character" because having sex with a guy, hoping it might make it more "special" of a relationship for him before he leaves town..ugh.. that NEVER works, even if you are wiling to lie to yourself and say, "oh i can do that and not have any feelings about it too".. that's not real, or honest, that's selling yourself short, not cherishing your own body, heart, soul.. you are special and need to treat yourself as such.

 

him sleeping with you now, or spending too much time with you now, knowing he's leaving will only alleviate any curiosity or attraction he has for you..

 

Fair or not, he is a guy who is willing to explore a relationship with you right now, no matter how innocent it is, even though he's going to visit a girl who I'm sure has NO idea he's spending time with you right now...yuk, like they say if "he does it with you, he'll do it to you"...

 

So protect your heart, treat your body with respect, and if you want to keep up a friendly relationship with him right now and get to know him a bit better then okay, but be careful because he's leaving, he's told you he's got a girl, it doesn't matter if he said, "if I met you first, blah, blah, blah"... he has a choice here, if he really is a decent, smart, mature, respectful guy, he would not have "made the choice to pursue you on myspace" when he already knows he's going to be with another girl.. do you see what I mean?

 

So far his character, no matter how cute, attractive, and sexy he might be.. his "character" lacks quality.. and he's put it right out there in front of you, he's told you he's got someone else, so respect yourself enough to tell him, "you are not interested in hurting this other girl, or being second in line, and if when he returns he is no longer involved with someone else, he can call you, but until then, it's okay to be friendly but that is it"...

 

The self respect in those words will make his head spin, you will feel great about yourself and if he's feelings are more than just "adventurous towards you" then he will have a chance to discover if he has deeper feelings developing for you or not..

 

but if you do not take a "stand" for yourself in a respectful, honest way, then he will learn that you are the type of girl that requires little respect, hardly any effort and certainly no commitment, and that you are also willing to be with a guy who already has a girl he's going to visit.. what does this say about you? How does that make you feel about yourself?

 

I know you are attracted to him, but take care of YOU in all this.. okay?

[EvaGina]

 

I know what you mean, exactly.

I talk to him and he tries to be dodgey but I just tell him to shut up, that its not going to happen.

 

I know your right, and thats what I was planning to do the entire time, I was just having a moment of weakness last night.

 

Im not a "soul mate" kind of person, so I know I will meet someone I like just as much, if not more.

[blender]

Good for you. Trust this instinct, let it be your guide, and if you find you are "too weak" to keep in good judgement when you are with him, then do NOT be around him too much... remember it's how you will feel about YOURSELF after he's away, that is the ONLY thing that matters.... so stay true to your common sense, think with your head and respectful heart, and not with your "physical attraction urges" once we give in to those in this type of situation we are only left feeling an emptiness that this guy is so not worth... hang in there, be proud of your sense of style, class, integrity, and self respect, by YOU not giving in to the 'urge" it will only him leaving wanting you more...