Bi-Polar???

[shep88ner]

i have noticed some really serious mood shifts lately. but before i let you in on that, let me explain a little bit about my past. i have always been quick tempered and often times would throw something or punch a wall a few times if i got really mad (always a lot of swearing and craziness). then i met my girlfriend and she noticed my violent outbursts. so she told me that i couldnt do it anymore and i had to calm down and learn to control my anger. this wasnt as hard as i thought it would be when i actually started doing it. id freak out every now and again but nothing as bad as i used to.

 

we've been together 11 months and i find that i really have terrible mood shifts. it's not the kind like, im happy one minute then pissed the next, it's more like this...

 

when me and my girlfriend argue, i am the most mean person in this world. i mean, really, i a such an ***hole its unbelievable. i say the absolute meanest things to her and often times when she starts crying, i keep going and keep yelling and keep making her feel worse and worse. i have the mindset that, if you're going to hurt me, im going to teach you to never do it again. kind of like a, you dont mess with me, kind of attitude. but then, right in the midst of the argument, it's like i lose all anger and i feel that we should get back to being us again. she still has tears rolling down her cheek and i stop saying mean stuff and put my arm around her like we're fine again. i cant explain this at all. i just think, "well ok, im done now, lets be the perfect couple again!"

 

today hit the absolute worst it's ever been, that's why im posting this right now. today we go into an argument and she was saying some moderatly mean stuff, nothing you wouldnt expect in a typical argument. but then i went off. i was calling her stuff like a "fuc**** bi***" and saying stuff like "no wonder all your boyfriends dump you" and the meanest stuff ive ever said to anyone. she's start talking and i'd just cut her off and say "shut the f*** up!!!" and just being the king of all jerks. but then we didnt talk for about ten minutes, and then i started talking to her like we were fine the whole time. i was all concerned about her, and i was asking aobut her day...hell, i was even throwing in a joke or two and being my normal happy self.

 

i feel so terrible about what i said to her. i cant believe i did that. i love her so much and i care about her like you wouldnt know. i dont want people to post on here how much of a jerk i am because i already know. it's really eating me up inside because of my words. if i could go back and take them away i would. i just dont know why i have these mood shifts like that.

 

 

i am in college and it is finals week however. i was thinking maybe it had to do with me being stressed out beyond belief, and she just said the wrong thing or something. but that's no excuse, and i really dont know because this has happened before (not to this extent) when it wasnt finals week.

 

she even mentioned in the middle of me being mean, she said, "you've lost your mind...you dont mean any of this. what is wrong with you?" it was like i didnt care how much i was hurting her, but then i randomly stoped and was like nothing had happened.

 

 

so what is this? do you think this is bi-polar or do you think im just an 18 year old kid who isnt in touch with his emotions?

 

but again, like i said, i dont want people here blasting me and taking her side, because im on her side too. i admit i was wrong, WAY wrong, and i just want some advice on how i can prevent this from never happeneing again. thank you

[bigredvick]

i dont know my mom is bi-polar and she doesnt act like this, maybe it is something in your past. did your mom or dad act like this?

[CarnelianButterfly]

This isn't bi-polar, this is poor anger management skills. You need to see someone NOW!. You are not going to just stop being like this, it will get worse and worse, and one day you may beat your GF to a bloody pulp. Go to a counselor NOW!

[Newo Ikkin]

You are not a doctor or psychologist. Nor are we. No-one can give definite answers. I strongly suggest seeing someone, because it does sound like you need it. PM me if you need to talk any more.

 

Regards,

Newo.

[Hope75]

I agree with CB-

 

This is not bipolar... that is not how is presents at all.

 

Bipolar tends to be more depression... with bouts of mania in which the person does not sleep for days, may do risky things like gamble all their money away, go on mass spending sprees, sleep with a bunch of people, pace for hours on end....etc.

 

Your "flip like a switch" attitude is a rotten temper... and as CB said, poor management of your anger. Bipolar typically does not switch like that.

 

I would agree that you could use counseling to work on how to manage your anger though, since treating someone the way that you treat your girlfriend is verbal abuse and is very damaging.

 

I understand you are stressed with finals... I am too, finishing up an extremely intense nursing degree program on Monday... but I don't chew my bf up and spit him out the way you have with your gf... that is not a normal stress response to anger.

 

I am glad that you recognize something is wrong, that is the first step in the right direction. I hope you will seek some counseling to help you get that under control and learn how to manage it more effectively.

[Juliana]

You should hope it's an anger management issue. The alternatives are borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. Both of those have a "rage" element where the other person is basically destroyed for stepping out of line.

 

In any case, I think it's a control thing; you say as much in your post "I have the mindset that, if you're going to hurt me, im going to teach you to never do it again." What you're actually teaching her is that you have little ego defence, every argument is going to be a fight to the death, you have poor to no communication skills and your self-control is iffy. I think the punching walls was also a control thing, meant to display anger for the benefit or real or imaginary others to intimidate them.

 

Now is the best time to deal with this, while you're young. In an 18 year old it's hopefully behaviour they will mature out of. In a 25 year old, it's an instant ticket to singlehood.

[rikka]

As someone with bipolar disorder, I am agreeing with Hope75 and Carnelian Butterfly.... this sounds more like lack of anger management.

 

Either way, you need to see a counsellor/psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. Self diagnosing is bad and dangerous.

[kellbell]

Shep,

 

This is NOT Bi-Polar. What you have described is anger management issues and not thinking before you speak. I have worked with Bi-Polar clients and have a family member whom is Bi-Polar so I know what to look for. EVEN IF you had Bi-Polar traits, this behavior is still NO EXCUSE. You need to take responsibility for your words and actions.

 

What I suggest for you is to take some anger management courses and when you and your girlfriend get into a fight, count to ten, leave the room and cool off.

[CarnelianButterfly]

By the way, I know its not Bi-Polar, because I'm Bi-Polar. I have rapid cycling manic-depressive bouts. They don't mean I fly off the handle in anger, it means I get highly energized, can't sleep, can't focus, and can make bad decisions then I get to feel like crap always tired, no desire to do anything, and my anxieties are amplified. During the mood swings I can be cranky and snappish, but I have never been in a blind rage like what you describe.

[rikka]

By the way, I know its not Bi-Polar, because I'm Bi-Polar. I have rapid cycling manic-depressive bouts. They don't mean I fly off the handle in anger, it means I get highly energized, can't sleep, can't focus, and can make bad decisions then I get to feel like crap always tired, no desire to do anything, and my anxieties are amplified. During the mood swings I can be cranky and snappish, but I have never been in a blind rage like what you describe.

 

Ditto!!!!!

[diggadah]

how can people speak so strongly in which the guy is NOT bipolar or not? for one, the guy is 18 years old. i've suffered with bipolar since i was 12. diagnosed at 13 and also assessed further in a psychiatric unit, i had extreme lows and highs but also extreme aggression. if i'm to analyse, like the rest, the post the guys put, yeah seems like he has anger problems, with less emphasis on bipolar. Even still though, it sounds as if certain people in reply are stereotyping the high and low phases to a limited category. Sufferers have been known to drill into their own head as anger to themselves and be many a offender of the law, due to violence and other crimes. Bipolar is a diverse illness in it's effect. How is it right to say straight out that because he has anger problems that he is not Bipolar. I'm an A grade student, dosn't drink or do drugs and I study computers and audio for most of the day, as hobby. I also have a large criminal record but sentencing was either dismissed or reduced to supervision by community health and probational services, due to my mental health causing fluctuations in my mood and factors resulting in a state of psychosis. I empathise a lot with what the guy has said, bipolar or not. My bipolar disorder dosn't excuse my behaviour to be ignored or to be mollycoddled, the same would apply to anyone, but it still has caused to me react to certain environmental factors in an aggressive way, to violent extremes. You cannot limit a judgement of such based on the fact he isn't spending large amounts of money, losing sleep or laughing his face off. That would be unfair to anyone whos concerned with mental health, whether he is bipolar or not.

[diggadah]

and also, following from the fact the guy is 18, during the adolescent/young phases, bipolar is known to possibly cause a sufferer to be more aggressive. a lot of young bipolar sufferers are known to attack their mothers or figures that are closest to them. please don't judge someone as not being bipolar or what they are or not because they have aggression, that could be a vital mistake in helping someone and others.

[kellbell]

IMO,

 

No one is sterotyping NOR judging. I have worked with clients whom are bi-polar and have family who have it and "flying off the handle" and saying nasty things to a girlfriend HARDLY construes bi-polar. There is so much more that goes into it. Furthermore, Bi-polar is VERY tricky to diagnose because there are two subtypes AND various kinds of severity and cycling. Many of the symptoms overalp with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have worked with first hand as well.

 

One thing I picked up on in Shep's post is he mentioned he ONLY mouths off to his girlfriend, why not anyone else? It is my belief that if one truly has an Axis I disorder, the person would not "pick and choose" whom he/she yells at or gets nasty with.

 

I can ONLY go by from what was disclosed in Shep's post. If he left out details, well, I am not a mindreader. But punching holes in the walls, saying nasty things to his girlfriend and feeling moody is not bi-polar. It sounds like growing pains and that a person cannot control his temper.

 

Shep, if you truly feel you have Bi-polar, or something of that nature, it would make sense to see a doctor or professional whom is qualified to make an accurate diagnosis.

 

Hope all is well and take care.

[rikka]

how can people speak so strongly in which the guy is NOT bipolar or not?

 

Hmmm, I seem to recall every poster on this thread reccomending that the OP sees a counsellor or psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis.

[diggadah]

yes i would most definitely agree with that. i would also agree that it dosn't sound bipolar and without meaning to sound predantic and picky, it just felt as if certain posts were excusing aggression as a factor caused by bipolar disorder. i didn't mean to sound too picky and go off on a tangent about it, i just thought it would be a tad unfair to say 'your not bipolar' because one person may have certain symptoms of a high/low but not aggression. i was a tad too blunt in saying stereotyping, am sorry, but a few posts seemed to disregard aggressive behaviour being part'n'parcel of a bipolar sufferer, it does happen. You are right, bipolar is extremely difficult to diagnose due to the two sub-types, with that tho, it can be diverse in it's effect. sorry if i got the wrong impression from the posts, i just thought it was a bit limiting when posts are saying that it's not because they dont suffer with rage or others they know arent. sorry if i got it wrong

[kellbell]

It's okay dig.

 

It is important on eNotAlone to read the entire thread and everyone's responses AND to also look at the original poster's previous threads. And with you being Bi-Polar, I am sure this struck a personal cord with you.

 

And welcome by the way. There is a TON support here.

[diggadah]

thanks for the welcome kellbell. it does look really supportive on here.

[kellbell]

Yup, there sure is. Don't be a stranger! LOL

[Hope75]

I agree with Kellbell,

 

I have worked extensively with bipolar clients in a lock down psychiatric unit and because the OP stated that his only outbursts of anger were directed at his girlfriend (which I think you would agree is not how bipolar presents)- I would be highly doubtful that it is bipolar disorder.

 

I'm sorry if you were offended, it was certainly not my intention, and I know at least Kellbell's and my own opionion are based on working with these clients and being in that profession, and I believe another poster mentioned she has bipolar as well.

 

Welcome to enot, diggedah!

[diggadah]

thanks for the welcome hope75, i wasnt offended. i was just under the impression that some of the posts were disregarding aggression as a factor related to bipolar. i agree it is doubtful it would be bipolar. i probably misread the posts and gave the wrong impression. sorry about that. i know for one that although i have bipolar, i love my girlfriend to bits, i could never hurt her to be honest. there comes a line and still, even bipolar sufferers can often draw a line as time goes on and learn to deal with there illness or find the line to cool down or divert the energy elsewhere. it's finding that line though isn't it.