Desiring to build a "social circle" at work

[Double J]

Hey everyone,

 

Well, the title of the thread is pretty self-explanatory.

 

I'm the type of guy that could care less about knowing EVERYONE from a certain workplace, college program, athletic team I'm involved in, etc. But, as often is the case in high school and college, I wish to have my own little social group (or clique) at work (as I have away from school, which make up a group of closest high school friends), but right now it doesn't seem feasible.

 

One was certainly in the works when I started working in the company (I'm a part-time intern, by the way, still in college). The man who hired me and the young woman who trained me helped me fit right in when I started back in late January, as we worked together for the same client team.

 

Unfortunately, this was short-lived. My ex-supervisor resigned in the summer, and the woman who trained me was moved to another client team. That left me, literally, by myself. I have remained in the same client team as an intern, as did another young woman who's been working on this account for years, but with whom I don't interact with that much (She's not as sociable/always busy). Another young woman was added to this team once the one who trained me left to the other account, but she, like the aforementioned woman, is in her own world. Roughly 3-4 weeks ago, a recent college grad started working there and also joined my team. She's roughly a year older than I am, and I've already begun to interact with her (she's one of those social butterfly/highly extroverted people).

 

The associate director for the account I'm involved in was promoted to director over the summer. He's a really nice guy (and kind of a jokester) but my interactions with him seem quite limited as of late. He's always busy and is in the process of training the recent full-time college grad I just mentioned. He owns one of the projects I'm responsible for every 3 months, and supposedly he's working with another director (who I'll mention in a second) to assign me new responsibilities. This, however, has taken very long (months) and i'm still waiting.

 

The other director I alluded to above came from one of our offices overseas and is responsible for a different project - the one formerly held by my ex-supervisor. Although the VP assured me that I would work closely with him, that remains to be seen. He, too, always seems busy and does not seem like he wants to take any responsibility for training me in any way. Another guy in his own world.

 

As you can see, the social circle I began to build with those who hired me/worked with me in the beginning is now non-existant. Although the girl who trained me still works there, it's just not the same anymore. Ever since she moved to another account, we're not as close as before. My ex-supervisor always seemed to have more time for me, but I guess it's something that was established from the get-go since he personally hired me.

 

I would also go out to lunch with these individuals on several occasions. As I said, it was a little "clique" and I enjoyed it very much. It made me feel like a part of a close subgroup within the organization, which is what I wanted in the first place. I don't care about knowing EVERYONE.

 

Aside from the recent college grad girl, there is another recent hire who is roughly 3-4 years older. He works for a different account team, though. I suppose I could try to form a little clique with him and the girl that joined my team, but I don't know if it will reach the level that the one I formed in the beginning did. We established such a strong level of rapport in the beginning. I really miss it.

 

I obviously felt very close to these two people because they were the ones who literally welcomed me into this company. I'm not sure if i'll be able to reestablish something similar with all these other people who are either new or extremely busy.

 

Has anyone experienced something similar? Joining a company and building close relationships with a person (or people), only to have him/her/them leave a short while later? At this point, I literally don't report to anyone in particular.

 

Does it seem reasonable to want to have a little group rather than feeling like i'm a solo flyer all the time? Can building "cliques" have setbacks?

[honeyspur]

I hear you!

I'm sorry to hear about these circumstances - it seems like a strange workplace if everyone seems to leave.

 

I sense a little bit anger in your post. Not a rage or anything - just a twinge of anger that might be keeping this circle from happening. I'm not saying that you are like this around people at work - I think you are very friendly, in good spirits, personable....but to allow people to gravitate towards you, it's best to put aside the expectation.

 

I do think it's reasonable to want a clique of friends at work. You should be open to it and continue to try and rally people together. Being a leader is attractive to everyone and even those who seem aloof are just not sue how to get close to people.

 

However, I think the struggle may not be only that people are leaving. You may be trying too hard.

Again, not saying you are acting like a desperate freak - you're not. You're acting accordingly.

 

Within yourself, let go of the need. That is what makes things difficult.

Maybe it won't happen. If that was the case, you might have to be ok with it. So why not be ok with it now and free yourself of some frustration? Your impatience may subside as well.

 

As always, allowing people to leave and being excited about new folks is the answer. Even if 50 people leave - the prospect of new people is still there. Let go of the frustration and open up to the change, the turn over.

Allow the possibility of nothing coming together happen and become comfortable. Let your true self shine in confidence and step up the assertiveness in conversations - keeping them light, asking questions to your prospective new friends so they know they are interesting to you.

When you feel the connection happening - stay open and casual. Getting folks to join together may happen if you try and connect people through similar interests.

 

Building cliques have setbacks if anyone is excluded. This puts a wrench in your "I don't want to know EVERYONE" feeling. A clique in terms of what people are used to, can seem more like a "club" that doesn't allow certain members. You could be passing up a fantastic friend with that outlook. Remember to be open to all strangeness, shyness and aloofness as not to exclude anyone. Some people may not be interested, but everyone should be "tried out".

 

I worked at a clothing store which is the pinacle of turn-over. It was unnerving at first, but consciously allowing it to become exciting was the key to comfort. Soon, I was itching for new blood! LOL

 

Good luck - you have great ideas I'm sure, so get to them and get excited about change!

[Momene]

At least your clique accepted new members with open arms. Many cliques at work exclude "outsiders" and only promote members of that clique at the expense of others.

[bleeding]

At my previous work, the cliques banded together to get everybody else fired in order to maintain the security of their own position. Ironically, they had a lot to say about how my work "sucked" and was terrible and made up all these rumors about me sleeping around (barf).....BUT I was not the one who was high like they were, I was not the one sleeping around, I was not the one trying to fire other ppl, I was not the one gossiping and talking trash about others behind their back, I was not the one with the ugly two-headed behavior.. It was quite hypocritical and just plain ugly.