How do you get rid of your sig. others clinginess and insecurity?

[Cyne]

Topic, I mean she's made for me in everyway, but she gets all sad and depressed whenever I go out somewhere. Is there any way possible way, me or someone else can help her get over that for good?

 

-Cyne

[Dako]

Tell her the needy behavior is pushing you away, and it has to stop before you give up on her.

[Cyne]

That seems a little too direct, is there another more subtle and polite way of saying it?

[lolz]

For how long have you guys been together? Does she have any friends or goes out often?

I was used to be quite clingy few years ago with one of my ex bf but it somehow went away by itself. I have school to worry about, I met new friends, and whenever my boyfriend is not available I try to occupy myself with other things.

So maybe you could try to get her involved with some other things that she might find fun so that she won't center her life on you only. It's kinda hard to do, I guess the girl has to realize that she is too needy on her own because no one can really help her but herself to overcome this problem.

[Dako]

You know, dear, sometimes you tend to need me too much and I wonder if that's healthy.

I'd kinda prefer it if you were a bit more independent so I didn't feel your security was entirely my responsibility.

 

How's that?

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

You know, dear, sometimes you tend to need me too much and I wonder if that's healthy.

I'd kinda prefer it if you were a bit more independent so I didn't feel your security was entirely my responsibility.

 

 

Thats good

[Cyne]

Sounds alright, I guess she's this way because I'm her first and most likely last because we're extremely compatible, I guess she's afraid of losing me. Another reason could be that she has no experience really, but comes with time.

[charley]

I do some observations to make about "clinginess" that might help give some perspective from both partners' point of view.

 

Different people have different expectations and desires for amount of time spent together.

 

I have experienced that if a GF wants to spend the same amount of time together as I do, then we are ideal for each other, or at least this helps a lot.

 

If she wants to spend more time together than I do, then she "seems" clingy to me. I feel smothered.

 

If I want to spend more time together than she does, then I "seem" clingy to her. She feels smothered.

 

In each case, the "clingy" person feels neglected and lonely. The other person feels smothered and trapped.

 

So I observe that clinginess is not just the clingy person's problem or fault. Rather it is both people creating the situation due to having different desires and expectations. The clingy issue can only be 50% your GF's fault in my opinion. From her point of view, you probably seem neglectful, which is 50% your fault. i.e. - it takes two to tango. So this problem is coming from both of you, not just her. It is caused by different expectations.

 

Try to keep that in mind while you search for a solution. Then, hopefully you can reach a solution that is fair and works for both of you to be happy.

[charley]

The person who suggested encouraging her to do more activities: school, work, friends, etc, made an excellent suggestion.

 

Also, does she have a dog? Seriously. Get her a puppy. I know several guys who got their lonely wife a puppy and it helped. I also know of several cases where she got a job and/or went back to school and it completely solved it.

 

Those are all good ideas, I think.

 

However, the issue is also still as much about you as her - like I said in my first post. I think you'll work things out.

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with charley, pets do help with combatting clingy behaviors. I have guinea pigs and they help me tremendously esp when I am going through tough times with feeling desperate for a bf. Sometimes, I would rather just be at home alone, watching my guinea pigs, than out on a date where I will most likely get rejected.

 

Pets are a great emotional picker upper.

[charley]

Clingy people are lonely. That might indicate a flaw in them. It might indicate a flaw in their mate: perhaps neglectful, distant, or absent. It might not be a flaw in either person. It might just be a difference in how much "together time" they need. Different expectations is not a flaw, it's just a fact of life for many couples. Heck, this even applies to friendships.

 

No matter the underlying causes, clinginess = lonliness.

 

Possible solutions are: for their mate to spend more time with them, if possible and reasonable; and/or to help them find other things to fill their time: activities, other people such as friends or coworkers, a job, going to school, or a pet. Perhaps a combination of these things would be ideal.

 

Puppies are needy, clingy, and get lonely easy. Puppies need a lot of love and they give endless love in return. Puppies are ideal for a lonely person to get some extra love. Not only do I know guys who got their lonely wife a puppy, I also have women friends who got lonely (whether in a relationship or single) and they went out and got themself a puppy. It helps, though it's not a cure.

 

I think a combination of the above solutions can be a cure.

 

Heck, I'd get myself a puppy, if I wasn't allergic to them.