TheSpecialist33 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Because I'm thinking about this way too much I decided to post what I am thinking online so maybe I can get some feedback. I'm 23 years old, male and I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year. It was a very bad relationship and doomed from the start. The only thing holding it together was my lack of wanting to be alone. Now, I'm alone, and free of the awful relationship (which is a really good thing). Now about a week or two ago I got the number of a waitress who works at a bar I head to once and a while. I called her up and we hung out for pretty much 3 days straight. We had sex last night and it was pretty good. The thing I'm having problems with is I'm feeling like the woman in this thing. She's only 20 and told me she's only slept with 3 other guys in her life and all of them she had known for a long time before sleeping with them but none of them were her boyfriends. She said, she doesn't do the boyfriend thing because she thinks its sappy, and she hates sappy. This girl is doing my head in because I've never hooked up with someone who said they aren't into having a boyfriend at all ever. That sounds so strange to me. Another thing is she says she hates answering her phone for anyone. She is one of the those free spirit types and doesn't like to be tied down it seems by having to answer a phone or be anywhere at a particular time. Like when she says she's going to show up in 20 minutes its more like 3 hours. Stuff like that. I'm really attracted to her though, and I usually play a pretty damn good game at the beginning but usually with girls i don't really think I'll care about or want in the long run. But this girl is doing my head in. I've texted her 3 times today. 2 playful texts and then one asking what she was doing later tonight. No answer to any of them. I called her about an hour ago to see if she wanted to go to a movie and she didn't answer so I left a voicemail. Now, based on all of this I'm beginning to think I'm probably portraying a really needy guy or something, thats the last thing I want to do. But I feel so anxious because I never met a girl who doesn't answer her phone or says she's not into relationships. Its obvious she likes me, but how can someone like you but...not like you? Does any of this make any sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newo Ikkin Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Hang back a bit...see what chasing she does, eh? I personally believe that its possible she's worth the challenge - see if you can break her out of her shell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I think she's just sexually attracted to you and that's probably it. If you're looking for a relationship than this is not the place you should be looking for it. If that is truly her philosphy than she's not interested in 'being' with anyone, and the last thing she wants is a guy who texts her and calls her a lot, unless shes intentionally torturing you. In the latter case I still say get out while you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 If she told you that she isn't in to having bf's, but you want a relationship with her then it's better that you just move on. She's been upfront with you and if you try to get more out of her she may end up being resentful and feeling harassed by you. You don't sound needy, but I don't think that this girl is for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 26, 2006 Author Share Posted November 26, 2006 She doesn't use a computer so there is no online communication which is really frustrating because that usually was what played into my game. I'm good at seeing all the bad signs, but I never really steer myself clear of them because I like being with women. Its just really hard to find them. Can't at work, or school. And I'm the type who likes instant gratification. Not waiting 300 years for miss right to come along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I'm not saying that you should wait for 300 years for miss right, I'm just saying that this probably isn't the woman for you, especially if she doesn't even talk to you. I mean, when did people start ignoring red flags? Am I the only intelligant teenager left? And since when did someone resent human contact? This chick sounds like a Xenophobe to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 It would be nice to break her out of her shell, its just going to be a challege. I think hanging back is best...but I'm so bad at it since I have so much free time in my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 cloud - xenophobe is someone who hates foreigners. A misanthrope is someone who doesn't like people, and I don't think she's one of those either - I think she's someone who just doesn't like to have commitments (to an extreme) and is possibly a bit flakey. To be honest, men do this all the time so... cut your losses now, it won't end well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Xenophobe is also someone who fears change and 'foreign' concepts, sorry if I confused you, anyways, if she doesn't waste time with you, then do not waste time with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I don't think she is in a shell that she needs to be broken out of... If she's ignoring you and treating you like crap when she DOES pay attention to you, she's not into you. She may or may not be into someone else. She may in the future or may never be. None of that matters to you or your future. I say find someone who likes you back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Whoa, I never said she didn't want to waste time with me. I mean we hung out for about 3 straight days. Only thing I'm freaked about is her lack of phone usage. I'm getting positive signals from her so far...but I'm wondering if she just had sex with me to get what she wanted and now she's put off or something. I'm just saying this is a situation I'm trying to evaluate overall. I understand all you guys recommending to cut my losses and get out, but I'm not sure thats the right thing. If we all gave up we wouldn't get anywhere. Another interesting fact I forgot to mention was that when I asked her her 'type' she said all of the things I'm not. She basically decribed wanting a 'hippy' type, but she describes me as 'preppy'. I guess the thing that she is sold on with me is she thinks I'm hilarious. She's always laughing. Laughter seems to be the exception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Ok then, try to get her for a while, and if she persists with this behavior, THEN cut your losses and get out, but I honestly have never really understood her kind of perception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 I don't think she is in a shell that she needs to be broken out of... If she's ignoring you and treating you like crap when she DOES pay attention to you, she's not into you. She may or may not be into someone else. She may in the future or may never be. None of that matters to you or your future. I say find someone who likes you back. I never said she was treating me like crap. Ignore a bit, yeah. I mean usually people respond right away to messages, but she's really just not into using her phone I guess? So damn weird though. When I texted her last night around 11PM saying it was nice hanging out with her and all that I received a reply back around 4AM saying she agreed. This girl drinks a lot too, likes to party and what not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I never said she was treating me like crap. Ignore a bit, yeah. I mean usually people respond right away to messages, but she's really just not into using her phone I guess? So damn weird though. When I texted her last night around 11PM saying it was nice hanging out with her and all that I received a reply back around 4AM saying she agreed. This girl drinks a lot too, likes to party and what not. IMO, showing up 3 hours late is treating you like crap... Maybe I just have high standards? Or I could have misinterpreted your post. Keep in mind there are a BUNCH of facets to a relationship besides the actual date... And how she acts when she's away from you, leading up to the date, and after the date are all facets. If you're okay with the way things are then why are you stressing? If you're stressing, then it probably isn't the relationship for you... That's all I'm saying. Good luck whatever you decide to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Specialist - yeah, I think she used you for sex and is trying to get some distance from you now. If I wasn't that into someone or didn't want to lead them on and got 3 texts and a phonecall the day after sleeping with them, I'd ignore them too. I think your best bet is to cool off for a while... get used to being on your own, getting over the end of your relationship. If she does like you, though it doesn't sound like it's enough to change her stance on relationships over, then you don't want to scare her away by being over eager. Cloud- the word didn't confuse me, your usage of it did. How do you conclude that she is xenophobic, she just sounds like a hippy to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Yeah. I hate dating. haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Well, I've always considered a relationship in one's life a huge and dramatic change, and she doesn't seem like she wants that seriousness or change and just wants to keep life simple and unchanging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Specialist - yeah, I think she used you for sex and is trying to get some distance from you now. If I wasn't that into someone or didn't want to lead them on and got 3 texts and a phonecall the day after sleeping with them, I'd ignore them too. Used me for sex eh? Thats kind of funny considering I'm usually the one doing the using. It seems like everytime I get excited about someone that person isn't excitied about me. Then, if I'm just kinda 'blah' about the whole thing, it turns into a long term relationship that I don't really like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 Well, I just got a text from her. Seems as though she was sleeping all day long because its 7:44PM and the text said she just woke up. I guess I'm going to have to figure out this hippy/slacker woman mentality. I'll post my result eventually. Goddamn. I might have been worrying for nothing, but I'm not out of the clear yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 So the player got played, get over it. It sounds like she isn't into you for anything more than a lay. She's told you she's not interested in a relationship, that you're not her type, and doesn't really respond to your prodding, all signs point to "Leave her alone" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpecialist33 Posted November 28, 2006 Author Share Posted November 28, 2006 So the player got played, get over it. It sounds like she isn't into you for anything more than a lay. She's told you she's not interested in a relationship, that you're not her type, and doesn't really respond to your prodding, all signs point to "Leave her alone" HAH. This forum is full of people with awful advice. All I really needed to do is chill out. We've been hanging out very consistently the past few days and everything has been fine. She's now the one making all the moves on me! Everything is going great and I was worried for no reason. This whole thing has totally helped me stay away from my psychopathic ex-girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 This whole thing has totally helped me stay away from my psychopathic ex-girlfriend. Nice, so she's just a good distraction, I'm sure that would really improve her perception of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
need2bme Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 If she told you that she isn't in to having bf's, but you want a relationship with her then it's better that you just move on. True. Gotta decide what you want. If ya wanna hang out with her and see where it goes, then do it. Besides, if she doesn't want a BF, then you aren't. See her and see other people too. It will help get your mind off of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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