Rant on my life

[Lily04]

Current status:

 

1) I am 25 days late in handing in an essay and although I care I can't bring myself to write it. I have thus far written the introduction. I feel like a failure-in-works.

 

2) Everything else is piling up as a result. I haev a bunch of pending & upcoming assignments and the thoughts of them are literally causing me to pull my hair!! (i have an obsessive-compulsive disorder which doesn't help the situation.)

 

3) I have gained 2 lbs. within the last few days.

 

4) I have amazing jobs and positions on student government and yet haven't had time to devote to them. My best friend got mad at me because I haven't been active on her council but I've been so swamped I havent gone to meetings. Then today I found out there's this important review taking place that I want to be involved in. She's like "yeah the submissions were taking place until Nov. 13th. We already have people drafting the proposal. Sorry." Basically shunning me from our little group.

 

With regard to my job, because I haven't been able to manage my time, I've been struggling to plan the events that have thus far happened. But that's been mostly administrative stuff and not even that tough and yet i've had difficulty which really upsets me. Secondly, I have intentions of really revamping the program I work with, creating my own team, etc. but all of this is really time-constrained and I feel pressured.

 

I feel guilty because I have the job I've always wanted but now that I have it, I'm not doing anything. And my best friend is making me feel guilty for winning an election and making broken promises. Similarly, I feel bad because I reallllly want to do something but aren't. I realize my hypocricy and failure to realize potential and it kills me. The main point is I don't want this year to be over and then I realize that I haven't accomplished anything.

 

So I basically feel like I'm failing in school and in work, etc. Also like 4-5 guys have asked me out in this time period but i've been so busy I don't even have a social life and keep having to reject them. i haven't been able to meet with friends unless to study. I hate my life. I make time to work out everyday because I have to (I think it's part of my anxiety disorder, i just really have to work out, it's like impulsive) but that's pretty much it. and then people complain that i'm always late for meetings or don't show, i don't have sleep, everything is off and i don't care.

 

it's like 3:00 a.m. right now and I haven't done anything productive all day. Tomorrow I will truly realize how screwed I am and just start panicking. I want to put my life on hold but I know I will fail. I need time but it is too constricted. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I'm not succeeding academically I should be in work/ECs at least but even then I'm not. The only thing I really had good control over was my health & eatign habits, but even that has now gone amiss.

 

/rant.

[musicguy]

time management besides your education is more important than guys anyway

[Lily04]

It's not that simple. I have been told that "solution" since high school, and it hasn't worked. I think there are a few problems:

 

1) I am a very passionate person. When I'm really into something I'll devote time to do it and time escapes me, and there's a certain lack of control over that.

 

2) I am a perfectionist which compounds teh problem.

 

3) I probably have ADD/anxiety disorder/OCD the works. I also have a learning disability which affects my ability to plan time (or supposedly it does.)

 

4) the support people at my school for the above are really not supportive.

[musicguy]

hmmm..well, being passionate about something is a good thing. Just do your tasks one task at a time. As for being a perfectionist..don't be..perfection cannot be achieved, no matter how hard you try

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe you should resign your positions in all extra curricular activities. Start setting up time lines for yourself. Make goals for what you want to accomplish each day.

 

What did you do today that you weren't productive?

[Lily04]

Why resign positions in all extracurriculars? Maybe quitting some would be better though...I was thinking about that. I think I will quit one...

 

And your 2nd question is a bit hard to understand...what did I not do today that made me unproductive, you mean? I didn't finish my essay, which I have been trying to complete for at least 14 days!!! I didn't even start it in fact (the writing I mean.)

 

What did I do today? I talked with my parents/friends a bit, wrote down goals for what I want to accomplish with work, and sent out a few emails about that. I listened to music a lot and worked out a bit in an effort to 'prep' for my essay (i.e. if I relax then I can concentrate on my essay) but no such luck. and now it is 3:30 am so I think i'm going to bed..have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow.

[capbit]

I have a few papers to write in the next few weeks and what helped me start writing it was that I made myself interested in the topic. I wasn't really interested but I made myself believe that, and it got me goin.

 

I agree with CarnelianButterfly, you should resign from at least one of your positions. You should treat yourself once in awhile too!

 

Not to have work on your back all the time but, you could get a Blackberry. It really helped my dad be organized and on track.

[valenski]

Hey busy little bee, slow down you are human after all. I dont think you have to resign or quit anything if you carefully organise your day to do all you have to do. Some people can manage a lot of responsability and sometimes things can spin out of control, when this happenes you just have to rethink your balancing act, get rid of anything thats not worth while and dedicate more time to things that have to be done.

Good luck

[Scout]

Wow, your post reminds me of myself SO MUCH. I struggle with procrastination, to the point I finally researched the topic. Apparently, what's usually behind it is a fear of failure (which would tie in with your perfectionism).

 

Once I realized that, I took a close look at my project lists. There was not one item on there that I was completely out of my depth in, i.e., that I would be sure to miserably fail at. In fact, all of the items on the list would benefit from even some effort, which I was perfectly capable of.

 

So, with that in mind, I tackled my project list in a "First things First" manner. I would assign one thing I needed to first accomplish for each project (you can't finish a project all in one swoop), then I would go one by one down the project list after I finished each of those first "action items."

 

It became much easier for me to get things done that way, instead of willy nilly multi-tasking.

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

Thanks so much for everyone's advice... whether I will quit some of my responsibilities at this point is still up in the air, it depends on how things transpire over the next few weeks before winter break... and then I will have to do some serious reflection on what I'm going to do for the new term and courses, etc.

 

And Scout thanks a lot for your advice... I think you're completely right about perfectionism & fear of failure... that is really my problem as well (along with perhaps a few other things, however.) But I am doing what you're suggesting and breaking the assignment down into manageable chunks and it's helping... I'm less stressed now and am starting to write.

 

Thanks again, hopefully I'll get this done by tomorrow!!! ugh.

 

Lily

[Scout]

You can do it! You're not going to fail if you try, the failure lies in not trying at all. As you seem to be processing, so I'll let you get on with your work now. (And get off eNotalone!