Daddy Bear Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 i'm not ready for a big-time LTR just yet, but it would be nice to have a little more female companionship; so, as embarrassing as it is, i'm mulling over posting a profile on a website for the unloved people of Los Angeles. i'd appreciate it if someone could look this over and let me know if there's anything incredibly asinine in it that needs to be removed or reworded. i'd also be interested in overall opinions, if they're not too brutal. muchas gracias! Just your traditional non-conformist... Hey there! I'm interested in lively, intelligent conversation and/or fun outings (examples: indie rock shows, restaurants, general exploration around SoCal) with a bright, young(ish) lady who has a lot of energy and wants similar things in her own life. Somewhere down the road I'd like to get into a serious relationship, but only if the overall chemistry was right. My folks handed down to me some valuable traits: integrity, equality, empathy, manners... the basics of a decent human being, I guess. I've also gotten a pretty good street education over the years. I feel equally at home in an art museum or a punk-rock dive, tripping through downtown or stargazing six miles from nowhere. I get along well with everybody--got no enemies--and I'm sure that my friends would describe me as witty and charming, if I slipped them a few bucks to say so. Creative writing and listening to good music are among my hobbies, and I sometimes combine the two loves by dashing off song lyrics here and there. I've also been known to scribble the occasional, relatively deep poem. My politics are progressive, and although I don't think of myself as New Age by any means, I've recently found a lot of useful wisdom in the Tao. I've also been volunteering several hours per week on a 'help and advice' website, doing my damnedest to cheer up the depressed and talk people out of wanting to commit suicide. I also like to cook and can give a very relaxing massage, if you're into those things. Currently, I'm in training for a new job as an assistant to a world-renowned psychologist. I consider myself super lucky to have scored this gig, where I can help people with their troubles in a meaningful way and even get paid for it. After years of "Office Space"-type jobs, it's a breath of fresh air. My Achilles heel (hey, we all have one) is that I haven't yet found the motivation to quit smoking. Maybe someone can give me a little help with that. Okay, enough of the blah-blah already. If you live in the LA/OC area and this ad piques your curiosity, why don't you drop me a note to introduce yourself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippitt Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I would strip anything out that could trigger negative or unwanted emotions from the reader. You always want to put your best foot forward; it's your resume for dating. Once you get the interview the other person will have plenty of time to find out all the other details, good, bad or anything else in between. I would strip out the following pieces... doing my damnedest to cheer up the depressed and talk people out of wanting to commit suicide. My Achilles heel (hey, we all have one) is that I haven't yet found the motivation to quit smoking. Maybe someone can give me a little help with that. The rest of it is great! By removing those pieces you are only presenting the positives. You don't want your resume thrown out before you have the chance to present yourself for the interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I think it sums you up pretty well (you just need to wear a big red bow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted November 26, 2006 Author Share Posted November 26, 2006 I think it sums you up pretty well (you just need to wear a big red bow i dunno... some people can pull off such flamboyant accessories... image removed and some of us just CAN'T. link removed image removed nope... thanks for the idea, but i'll pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DizzyDoris Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 LOL I think you look kinda cute with that big red bow!! Seems a nice honest profile, plus your sense of humour will help you pull the ladies! Keep us posted on how it goes and good luck x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Survictor Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I like it and you don't sound like a crazy, needy guy. I would be relaxed enough that you wouldn't be pinning all your hopes on me on a date. Yep, it's good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgirl Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Hi there, I would take out or reword the bit about "intelligent" and "lively" conversation. In my opinion, it puts too much pressure on the person to live up to those expectations. She might think, "what if i am not intelligent enough or what if i am not lively enough for this guy", and thereforeeee may not answer your ad, when in fact, she could be interesting and intelligent. I would replace those lines with something to the effect of, "i am interesting in stimulating conversation about x, y and z" and / or "i am interesting on hearing your thoughts on x y and z"... Something a little less intimidating... I am sure there are many intelligent and lively people out there who would not claim themselves to be! The other thing i would leave out is the bit about smoking. You don't need to disclose that yet and i wouldn't add a negative. When you turn up to the date, make sure you smell clean and haven't had a cigarette and then act accordingly, depending on whether you feel like disclosing or lighting up. In my opinion, a person should not be judged on whether or not they smoke, and you don't want to eliminate opportunities by portraying it as a negative at the start. If you feel you must say something about it just simply say it rather than labelling it as a vice. Apart from that, it all sounded pretty interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolady Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 You got wayyyy too much info. All a woman wants to know is that you are single, good looking ( you seem fine in that dept ), that you have a lot to offer the right woman, if you have kids, a sense of humour and will follow through. I would also take off the "If you live in the LA/OC area and this ad piques your curiosity, why don't you drop me a note to introduce yourself?" Don't bother with a woman who has messaged you first. In my experience it never works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Survictor Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I don't believe it has way to much info. He does want and enjoy lively and intelligent conversation, so why hide that! It means he is more likely to meet up with someone who enjoys that also! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolady Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Creative writing and listening to good music are among my hobbies, and I sometimes combine the two loves by dashing off song lyrics here and there. I've also been known to scribble the occasional, relatively deep poem. My politics are progressive, and although I don't think of myself as New Age by any means, I've recently found a lot of useful wisdom in the Tao. I've also been volunteering several hours per week on a 'help and advice' website, doing my damnedest to cheer up the depressed and talk people out of wanting to commit suicide. I also like to cook and can give a very relaxing massage, if you're into those things. That's what I mean. I'm on those dating sites myself and that's some deep stuff, the kind of stuff you talk about when getting to know someone after you've met or through messenger just before you meet. Maybe "I like listening to good music, do voluntary work on a help and advice site, I like to cook and give a mean massage would be better.. in MY opinion anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Survictor Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 No, it would mean I would have a starting point of conversation and would be interested to hear about the work he did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolady Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I'm just giving him some tips being 'out there' myself. I'm sure he will take all sides and decide for himself. He is an extremely intelligent man after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Survictor Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Also, what one lady may find attractive about a posting, another may not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 SB, good look with your online dating adventures. Your description of yourself sounds pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 All a woman wants to know is that you are single, good looking ( you seem fine in that dept ) I'm confused. Slightly Bent, you're married and live with your wife, correct? Or has your situation changed recently? If the latter, my advice for your personals ad is that it mostly looks good, but the "looking for a youngish woman" and "like to give massages" comments might put certain types of women off, especially the kind that actually do like intelligent and lively conversation. They might think you're looking first and foremost for something sexual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Please, ignore me if I criticize a lot (we Virgos tend to do that). I think you gave too much information - you have to save something for small talk, right? - lively intelligent conversation: I agree with you, I want that also, but I wouldn't put it that way - woman might be affraid that she's not the one, inteligent enough for you. You might end having dinner only with women who love to constantly prove their opinion and enter miningless debates. - bright young(ish) lady: hm, how joung, how bright? to me it looks like 25 - 28 max. 31. So please, you want someone who's young, attractive and super intelligent? I know, that wasn't what you wanted to say, but it could be taken that way. - deep poem: don't include that line - depressive people who want to commit suicide: leave out, to depressive it makes you want to commit sucide;-) -leave out that massage part - to me it means I want sex ASAP I suggest telling about your current status: are you divorced, do you have kids....since you're 44 that would be the first thing I wanted to know. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hosswhispra Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 If the latter, my advice for your personals ad is that it mostly looks good, but the "looking for a youngish woman" and "like to give massages" comments might put certain types of women off, especially the kind that actually do like intelligent and lively conversation. They might think you're looking first and foremost for something sexual. I agree with Scout here. And: I would say you don't have enemies vs. 'got no enemies'... I think the profile is complete and interesting in a fun kind of way. Most important advice is to have fun and find humor in everything with the online dating! hosswhispra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Currently, I'm in training for a new job as an assistant to a world-renowned psychologist. I consider myself super lucky to have scored this gig, where I can help people with their troubles in a meaningful way and even get paid for it. After years of "Office Space"-type jobs, it's a breath of fresh air. I would scrap or downplay that - sounds like you're bragging and in reality, you probably don't just feel super lucky - you feel in part that you deserved it - which I am sure you did! In a profile I would like to see something more like "I'm training for a new job in the psychology field that I am very excited about because I can help people in a meaningful way and even get paid to do it" I would scrap the negativity about your past jobs, just like I wouldn't mention negatives in general - when I had a profile that was my challenge - never to express anything in the negative. I also might downplay the "my family handed down" - better to sort of do a parenthetical like (thanks, Mom!) but say that you have those values - in an active way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurian Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 I like a more detailed profile myself. Getting a sense of the guy would encourage me to send out a message instead of seeing yet another standard "40-something white guy wants a casual relationship, maybe more, with a young, smart woman. Call me!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 thank you all for taking the time to offer your well-articulated constructive criticism and much-needed words of encouragement. i can't begin to tell you how much i appreciate it. my once-sunshiny life has been stalled in a pit of stagnant blackness for years; it's time i got this thing kick-started and moved myself forward. even though i was reluctant to ask, i knew i could count on the ENAers for help when i really needed some. by way of clarification: My opinion - you should throw something in about your love of animals. Girls always gush over that tidbit of info. I always think if that man likes dogs...well, there has to be something rather decent to him NO MATTER WHAT Shows your sensitive, caring, loyal side. way ahead of you, PV... i included a pic of my puppy licking my face. you're married and live with your wife, correct? Or has your situation changed recently? neither, Scout. i've never posted that i was married, or lived in Happy Acres, or was 53, to name a few odd rumors that have floated around me here. i have moved back in temporarily with my ex, who has her own love interests, for reasons of practicality and so that i could keep an eye on her after her cardiac arrest late last year. incidentally, i'm sure that she would unhesitatingly join me in saying that to live with an ex-spouse is one of the worst ideas a person could ever have. the "looking for a youngish woman" and "like to give massages" comments might put certain types of women off, especially the kind that actually do like intelligent and lively conversation. They might think you're looking first and foremost for something sexual. the preferences which appear in my profile along with my intro blurb state that i'm interested in meeting someone "young(ish)" between ages 35 and 43, and i did say "relaxing" massage, which is exactly what i give. anyone who reads those things and finds me too sexual (when, in truth, the convo and camaraderie are truly what i'm after) is not the sort of easygoing companion i'm hoping to one day have. watch; i'll bet doyathink the threadkilla posts something zany now, like only she can... wait for it... (she cracks me UP...) cue dyt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Great profile...uh huh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 As someone who used to be careful of sexual references in profiles when I did on line dating, the massage comment would not be a dealbreaker but would be at least a burnt orange flag because in on line dating world it is often seen as a euphemism for "I hope you're one of those sex on the third date or earlier, women." And, it's TMI for a profile - something to be left to be mentioned on a second or third date unless she mentions it earlier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 As someone who used to be careful of sexual references in profiles when I did on line dating, the massage comment would not be a dealbreaker but would be at least a burnt orange flag because in on line dating world it is often seen as a euphemism for "I hope you're one of those sex on the third date or earlier, women." And, it's TMI for a profile - something to be left to be mentioned on a second or third date unless she mentions it earlier. Yeah, SB...Batya explained it much better than I did. It's not a personal criticism of you putting that in your ad, but since you're new to online dating, you might not be aware there are some skeezy people who make a point of referencing certain things with the very implication Batya mentions. Don't want you to be mistaken for one of those guys. And most everyone loves a relaxing massage. It's one of those details you can bring up at a later date. Just my opinion, anyway. As for your marital status, I wasn't sure, so just wanted clarification. It's none of my business, but hopefully you have plans to move out soon, for the sake of your dating success. Let's face it, it might be a bit of deflating news to process for any potential new girlfriends. Even though your intentions are honorable (looking after your ex's health). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Actually a big blue bow, it would bring out your purdy eyes . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pedroisgod45 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Your profile sounds cool, man. One edit I might make is to put the personal stuff about you (like your work, etc.) at the beginning, and what you're looking for afterwards. I might just be nitpicking, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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