Giving this poetry thing a try

[TxRedheadGuy]

Not very good I know, but thought I would try to put into words how I am feeling at the moment. Never have been good with words, but trying to get this off my chest. Here goes:

 

 

Emptiness coming down over me

Love's curtain has come down for my life

I tried to be just a friend in your time of need

All the nights you cried never did I leave your side

Tried to help you find your way out of the muck

I wanted to help mend your heart

Somewhere along the way to find you I lost me

I opened the door let myself fall for you

 

I felt your heartbreak as he abandoned you

Left you alone in this world while you tried

I cried those tears along with you

I wanted to show you there is more to life

Than the heartbreak he was giving you

For an instant I stumbled became more

Than just the friend I had promised to be

Now I must ask you to forgive me

 

So many nights I spent confused

Were we an us or just me and you

Were we friends or were we lovers

One day this, one day that

Struggling to figure it out

Now I have my answer painful and true

Was I just a stepping stone on your road

Or was this just fate's cruel trick played

 

I cried when your sorrows were drowned in whiskey

Stayed there to keep you safe as I could

Gave you space when you needed to find yourself

Stayed out of sight but kept you in my thoughts

Hoped you would find you on the journey

Hard pill to swallow now that I am no longer in the picture

You want my friendship but not my love

When I can't separate them for you

 

I bid you well with him as best I can

Now down my own road I must go

Never wanted to have to leave you

Promised you I wouldn't but now I must

It is the only way I can let you be you

Without you seeing how I feel for you

Break one promise to keep another

One more promise broken to you

 

You say don't give up on love

Love gave up on me long ago

No more spins on this merry-go-round for me

The book has closed on this heart

Thank you for showing me the truth

Of this life I must lead

No more for me ever again

Just can't keep going through the pain

 

No more never again

Goodbye

To you, to love, to the old me

[Roasted Carrots]

I really love your poem. It is very heartfelt and sincere.

 

Some lines that really "jump" out at you:

 

Somewhere along the way to find you I lost me

 

Were we an us or just me and you

Were we friends or were we lovers

 

Was I just a stepping stone on your road

 

Love gave up on me long ago

 

Your poem flows really well, in my opinion. The only suggestion I have is to use more "pictures". We don't even know what this girl looks like, or why you fell for her. Although, maybe your intention was to have a general poem that could apply to anybody.

 

My two cents for what they're worth. I liked it. Keep up the good work!

[TxRedheadGuy]

She was a casual friend that I tried to help through some rough times, and over the course of a few months we became very close. Somewhere along the way I fell for her and we crossed a number of lines that we shouldn't have. My mind kept telling me no, but it wasn't enough to override my heart. Now I am getting my just deserts. I have a thread with more detail if you would like:

 

 

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

That was great... Seriously i've said this to many people never doubt your poetry. People will love it and others might not. Just concentrate on the positives. I really enjoyed it. Really well written...

 

Sorry to here you went through such a hard time. Hope things get better darl.

[Deborah7]

Just read your poem it is fantastic. Im trying to write something myself and you have given me some inspiration. Thank you xxx

[ForAnother]

You know, I just read your other poem. I skipped this poem right now and am going to read it after I post. But Firstly before I read I want to say, that even when you wrote about the whole relationship with this woman, that you wrote it very elegantly. It was very fluid, and definitely had a lot of flow to it. As well as your other poem that I read. The flow, the conclusion very powerful.

 

-ForAnother

[ForAnother]

Brilliant ending. Love that last line. The few words before are a bit cheesey, but that last line struck me dead.

 

The story I can definitely see unfold in your poetry. I thought it was excellent. Great flow and I felt for you through it all.

 

-ForAnother