Set-up and now date too structured?

[ckman2]

Hi everyone,

 

=============Preamble=============

After a little bit of wait (see this thread for the beginning of the story - BTW, forgot old password, back with new user name), I'm back with an update on the situation.

 

First of all, I decided not to call again because I got busy and decided to forget about her. I did - and moved on - then, ironically as if girls can sense these things, just as I completed a big success with my work, she calls ! A nice self-esteem boost since I hadn't dated for a while. So yes, to all those fretting about people not calling back after a date, my advice is to move on and hey, maybe she will call about 2 and a half weeks later and apologize for the wait as was in my case.

 

Anyways, we had a second get-together/date and it was alright - I wanted to go hiking at a nearby hill and she did too, but it got dark so we decided not to go. The vibes weren't as aligned as the first time and but it was still nice and I enjoyed myself.

 

==============The story=============

So here's my situation. I like this girl but I found that the date today was a bit too structured. It feels like that because of the whole being "set-up" by a mutual friend. How do I break that feeling?

 

Also, I have a small fear of getting more serious with her. I went out with a girl once before who was friends with the same mutual friend (not really a setup but a chance encounter) and that relationship was really good and lasted 2 years (4 years ago broken up). Problem is, I have to see that person several times a year because we are tied through the mutual friend - which doesn't bother/hurt me anymore but is still a bit awkward. I don't really want the same situation with this new girl if it gets serious and then ends in a breakup again.

 

So, yeah, if I was seeing this girl and wasn't set up, I'd be very happy - but since it is a "set-up" it feels a bit forced, artificial and there is this lingering fear.

 

Are these normal/valid concerns? Anyone have any suggestions to make it feel more "real" for me? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[robowarrior]

Its like this, with anything you do in life, go for gold. Half azzed decisions lead to half azzed results. If you want to go with this girl, just do it. Take control of the situation, setup dates yourself, and try to steer this into the direction where you want it to go. And with experience you'll manage to steer it into the right direction, and make it a relationship that consists of love and light.

[ckman2]

That is the best damned forum reply I have ever seen. Thanks for the advice - you made my day!

[charley]

My only thought on setups is that they make me very extra nervous and freaked out shy. Why? Because it's not natural to meet someone with all that pressure and expectations and fears. It's more natural to meet someone casually without initial thoughts of dating beyond whether you like their looks.

 

At least that's my opinion.