overcoming shyness

[sweetheart21]

Hi!

I've noticed a lot of people saying that they WERE shy but aren't anymore. I was just wondering if you could say how you did it? Is there something that happened that made your way of thinking change? Did it just disappear over time? Any tips or stories would be great!

Thanx

[Dako]

It faded over time for me, while I also cared less about what others think. Worrying about being liked is less helpful than liking yourself.

 

I still feel shy but friends tell me I'm not. I should probably restrain myself around women before I get in trouble.

[musicguy]

well for me, I was really shy back in junior high and high school, but now I'm not as shy as I used to be (I actually get in trouble at work for talking too much) Anyway, it takes time to overcome shyness. I'm still shy in certain situations tho. For me what made me kind of get over my shyness was during tech school. I was like "If people want to get to know me I have to speak up and not be so scared" so I did that. I still get kinda of shy around a girl I like

[charley]

My shyness as an adult has been only with women who I was attracted to and face to face with in person. No one else. Since my shyness has been limited to that, I have had no problems making friends as an adult.

 

However, thinking back, my shyness used to be with everyone up until about age 23. Then I had my first GF at age 23. She was outgoing, worldly, life experienced, much older than me, and she helped me a lot. Actually, I'd say my change started right there with her. Then at age 24 I became a commercial real estate agent (offices, large apt complexes, etc), which later lead to becoming a programmer of commercial real estate software. My time and education as a commercial real estate agent included formal education about dealing with people in business and sales techniques, which I think of as persuasion techniques, but also hard facts such as mathematical analysis and research. i.e. - use the facts to persuade someone. It can't all be based on fluff and charm. You're argument has to have real substance behind it (combined with some charm). Then on the job practice and business and sales experience eliminated my shyness with everyone, except women I was attracted to.

 

I'm still shy with women if I'm attracted to them, but I have recently reduced it to a manageable level so I can function and ask a woman out.

[RayKay]

My boyfriend used to be horribly shy apparently. He grew up in a small town, and had lower self esteem and low confidence.

 

For him, it was mostly age, maturity and going off to school that helped him. He also did develop more confidence as he had relationships and so on and learned more about himself.

 

I was never what I would call shy, though I did have a lot of self confidence/self esteem issues that made me uncomfortable and withdrawn. This has changed with just age, maturity and realizing that we all have our own struggles, and that really people pay more attention to themselves than others for the most part. No one is better than someone else. You just have to be you, and the best you you can be, that is all that matters

[KIDD]

I used to be painfully shy back in Elementary through High School.. Even though I'm still a little shy, I've learned to not care what other people think or feel about me & once you overcome that obstacle, you'll begin to open up more and be yourself. I just learned to relax & I'm just not afraid of people anymore.If you think about it, it doesn't matter what people think of you, the only thing that should really matter is what YOU think of yourself. When you begin to focus on your "SELF-ESTEEM" & building it up, your shyness will fade!

[BellaDonna]

It faded over time for me, while I also cared less about what others think. Worrying about being liked is less helpful than liking yourself.

 

Much like Dako, I have found that as time goes on, I care less and less about what people think.

 

I suppose I would have been considered a "shy person" in high school. So much so that my husband still won't stop using the nickname "shy girl" because he says I was shy when he met me.

 

With each passing year beyond the adolescence, I just became more willing to stand up for what I believe in, speak up, and be sociable.

 

Sometimes I think I may be outspoken to the point where it's a fault.

 

I found that all shyness disappeared by the time I was 24 or so. It's an interesting time in life and definitely feels more fulfilling to me than being shy or taking life too seriously. Now I just have fun and say anything,

 

BellaDonna

[Dako]

It seems hard to remain shy past your twenties.

[charley]

I didn't socially get started until age 23. Then, (at 25) due to severe injuries laying me up for many years, I socially skipped from 25 to 32 and then again from 34 to 36 and missed all the years in between socially. Mostly, I didn't miss them businesswise, but socially, I did. I had friends the entire time who came to see me and I made new friends of nurses and CNAs (many are still my lady friends), but I didn't go out socially during those times. I'm kind of like Rip Van Winkle. thereforeeee, I think my social age is somewhere between 28 and 32, IMO. I have friends of all ages, but it's the ones from 28 to 32 that I go out with socially to clubs, etc. Well usually, but sometimes I do go out with friends my own age, but they seem old to me and I seem young to them. I think that social age like anything comes from experience, not actual age. Also, I look about 27 to 31, which socially makes me feel and seem younger. However, my business age is 38+. My experience dealing with hardships and persevering is far beyond my 38 years. There is overlapp between the various types of life experience, which helps me compensate. I'm a unique mix of life inexperience and experience, of insecurity and confidence. For me, it's all about context since I'm experienced in some areas and not much in others. Life is interesting. I'm enjoying confidence in areas where I'm experienced and secure. I'm learning to enjoy exploring the areas where I'm relatively inexperienced. I think learning to enjoy exploration is a big step toward improvement.

[RelaxByWater84]

I was a lot more shy than I am now. The thing that helped motivate me out of my "comfort zone" was to go to a school were no one knew me and I had to get to know people in order to have a good time in college. The first week I was at school during orientation week, when there weren't any classes, was to walk down the hall and start talking to people who were in the hall or those whose door was open. I made a lot of this way, hard to believe that I lived without them. I just had to get myself out there and start talking to people.