canonman Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I haven't had much sexual experience, only a few times with a couple different girls, and when it did happen, it was in a serious relationship. A long time ago. My concern is, the woman I'm dating now, who's 34, has had much more sexual experience, many partners, in a very recreational, casual way. Even up til the time we met, just a few months ago. She has a vast knowledge of what she likes in sex. It is almost intimidating to me, and I wonder if I'll be the lover that she is accustomed to. This may sound strange, but I am wanting to wait til marriage, and she likes me very much and wants to wait also, or at least is willing to partner with me in abstaining. She has admitted that she hasn't met a guy like me before. It's just a strong conviction I have for the one I want to marry, and always has been even though I messed up in the past. She has lived with guys before and one was for about 3 years, and he was sexually abusive. I asked her, and she said she's probably been with 70 or more men. My question is, does having a lot of sex in the past, affect your intimacy with someone you love? With your husband? Is that person less faithful in the future? Are adulterous affairs more likely when one has treated sex so casually? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juliana Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 You might find that it was she who was treated casually in the past, not that she was treating sex casually. Anyone can change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 My question is, does having a lot of sex in the past, affect your intimacy with someone you love? With your husband? Is that person less faithful in the future? Are adulterous affairs more likely when one has treated sex so casually? I'd say "no" to all these questions. These things go to someone's values. You either value being faithful or you don't. So I'm not saying she will not have an affair but it won't be because of her sexual past, it will be about her value system. So if in the past she has been faithful in all her relationships, she is more likely to be so in the future. If her sleeping with a lot of guys has included cheating on lots of guys then likewise she is more likely to do so in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canonman Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 it won't be because of her sexual past, it will be about her value system. Thank you for posting, I have to remember that. She has shown herself to be very faithful. It broke her heart when she was cheated on, but says even though she is not proud of some of the things she's done, she never cheated on, or lied to anyone ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 It broke her heart when she was cheated on, but says even though she is not proud of some of the things she's done, she never cheated on, or lied to anyone ever. Then that says far more about who she is as a person than the number of sexual encounters she has had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canonman Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 I think I'm being too prideful. It's my male ego too that I'm struggling with. Besides the fidelity question, (which I think I know now is not the only question I had)... I always thought of the first time making love to my bride on our wedding night, to be a beautiful time of discovery, learning about how to please eachother, show our love in the most intimate physical way. But if sex is so familiar, even to the point of already having preferences, favorite sexual positions... etc., won't that make it less special and intimate? Am I being paranoid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I agree with melrich, the amount of sexual partners has nothing to do with being faithful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I think I'm being too prideful. It's my male ego too that I'm struggling with. Besides the fidelity question, (which I think I know now is not the only question I had)... I always thought of the first time making love to my bride on our wedding night, to be a beautiful time of discovery, learning about how to please eachother, show our love in the most intimate physical way. But if sex is so familiar, even to the point of already having preferences, favorite sexual positions... etc., won't that make it less special and intimate? Am I being paranoid? You are the only one who can answer this question. Will it be less special to you? I bet it wont to her. If she is willing to wait for you, I think that in itself says a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canonman Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 If she is willing to wait for you, I think that in itself says a lot. thanks Doyathink, I agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canonman Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 I agree with the above responses. when it is the right person, the amount of sexual partners Would have no bearing over her affection/love for you. I don't agree with everything author Joshua Harris says in his books, but he makes the point over and over again, that you give a piece of your heart away each time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I havent....lol. Apparently your the most special to her because she is willing to sacrifice for you...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I don't agree with everything author Joshua Harris says in his books, but he makes the point over and over again, that you give a piece of your heart away each time. Are you looking for reasons to think badly of her? Why does her sexual past matter if she's picked you to marry and commit the rest of her life to? You've admitted to sleeping with someone else, so how big a piece of your heart is gone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momene Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 We had this discussion on the BBC board in the UK. People with "dodgy" pasts are no more likely to be unfaithful than people without them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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