Dating someone you work with- is it ok?

[vermilion]

I always hear people say you should never date someone you work with. But I assume that's more for adults who have full-time jobs in a company or something.

 

I just got a part-time job at a bookstore and I'm into this guy I work with. He seems interested in me and suggested going somewhere next week when after work. But I'm not sure if it'd be a bad idea or not.

 

I mean, I've only been there a few days and I really like the job so far. I don't wanna screw it up if it doesn't work out. Then I'd still have to work near him. And I really like working there so I can't just quit. I don't wanna work at Mcdonalds, haha...

 

And then I think it's against the rules anyway. Not like they'd know though....or would they? But how?

 

Do any of you have experience dating someone you work with? Was it a "serious" job, or just part-time work?

 

Thanks!

 

-V

[rose2summer]

I would suggest against it.

 

That's where the line comes "don't mix business with pleasure"

 

If it doesn't work out, work will be awkward, and it will make things even more awkward for your fellow co-workers.

 

I dated someone from work once, and we are friends now, but when we broke up, it felt so weird seeing him everyday.

 

Hugs, Rose

[quietgrl]

Well i just gave one of my male co-worker my phone number last week and I regret giving him my number.He never called and now when i see him in Feb.. I hope he stay on his side of the job area because i don't want my my privacy broken.

I realize i can't date a co-worker at my current job because i don't want anybody in my business.

[Weeblie]

Well I got involved with a guy that I worked with. Not really a serious job...part-time at a clothing store. I have to say that I wouldn't do it again. What happened...

 

• We had lunch and it was good.
  
• Next week he took some other girl from work to a party.
  
• Then rumors started going around about him cheating on me.
  
• Then more rumors about me going to beat up the other girl.
  
• He asked me out again.
  
• Stood me up.
  
• We got into a huge fight at work.
  
• I stopped talking to him for a week.
  
• He stopped talking to me for a month.
  

 

We're friends now...as if none of that crap ever happened, but it really wasn't worth all the drama. I think the thing that really got annoying was all the gossip. I had no clue how 90% of the employees knew what they knew. And they all knew. Even the new people! And it was especially annoying when people would ask me if I was "ok".

 

If you do get involved with this guy...watch out for the audience.

[Batya33]

I did it, we were very discreet at work - both single. It worked out just fine.

[shes2smart]

Did it twice.

 

Once was ok. Nobody ever found out and when we decided to end it, we went back to being co-workers and nothing more. Then again, I had worked with him for 10 years before anything happened and he was a really cool person who had his #$%@ together to start with

 

Second time. Well. It wasn't the main reason for me leaving a job I'd been in for over 15 years, but it was a contributing reason. Looking back on it, I'm just thankful it didn't get any messier than it did. It was bad enough when it was going on, but it coulda been a heck of a lot worse and I was very lucky it didn't.

 

From experience, I think it's best to keep a nice, thick wall between "work life" and "personal life" as much as possible.

 

There's a reason they say "Don't get your honey where you get your money." While it does work out well for some people, I'd say it doesn't work out well for the majority of folks who choose that path.

 

 

Edited to add:

 

Also, many companies have a written policy regarding co-worker dating...check that before you do anything.

 

If it's a part-time job you don't see yourself staying in for the long term and/or you don't really care if you lose/quit that particular McJob, then I doubt there'd be any compelling reason for you to put on the brakes.

[annie24]

how old is he?

[vermilion]

It's not a big deal I can go out with other guys so I guess I'll just say no when he suggests going out for now. I'll just get to know him better and see if it's worth the risk.

 

I don't want to quit it even though it's just a part-time job.

 

If you do get involved with this guy...watch out for the audience.

 

I don't think gossip will be a problem as we all don't talk that much about personal things. Just regular conversation. And almost everyone else who works there is in their early 20s, mostly college students so I don't think they give a crap what he and I do.

 

haha...that sounds awful they all just spread rumors about you. I especially like that they thought you were going to beat that girl up. How do those rumors start anyway?

 

how old is he?

 

17, why?

[bigredvick]

if you can keep your job and not have the relationship effect you at work go for it. do you feel that it'll be a long term relationship?

[RelaxByWater84]

I would advise against it because situations like this always tend to involve other co-workers and that isn't good since it decreases productivity of the group. That's why there are company policies against co-workers dating. I wouldn't play with fire.

[annie24]

oh, I was just asking his age, because if he were 21 or something, then I would definitely advise against it.

 

I don't know. I would definitely say, in general, don't date a coworker. I mean, if you are at a firm and you are an adult with a career, you have a lot to risk if it goes downhill.

 

but, you're a teen, I take it you don't want to work at barnes and nobel for ever and ever, so I mean, worst case scenario, you can leave and get a job at Border's or Starbucks.

 

If you are interested in him, I don't see anything wrong with getting to know him a bit better. I think as long as you have all the possible scenarios in your head, you will be prepared (ie, it could work out, or it might be a horrible disaster, then you would have to quit).

 

I think if you do decide to see him, be professional. If you start dating, don't start flirting at work, or spending all your time with him. You don't want the customers to tell your bosses that the teen workers are flirting over in the mystery books section. Be professional and treat him like any other coworker during work hours. Only date outside of your job.

[charley]

I don't know whether to tell you you should or shouldn't.

 

I can only say that I once read somewhere that 80% of couples meet at work these days. I don't remember where I read that. I don't know how accurate it is. However, where better than to meet someone and get to know them BEFORE dating them?

 

I understand all the reasons not to date at work. If it doesn't work out, you still have to see them everyday, and so on. Your employer might not like it. Etc. All potentially valid warnings. However, you are an employee, not a slave. I personally don't see how an employer has the right to stop you. Just my opinion. Also, where else can you get to know someone that well before dating them? School or church are the only other places I can think of. Years ago, I tried all 3. Of the 3, work had the least problems when it didn't work out and has the best track record.

 

It might work out great. How will you feel if you never try and you are thinking of this guy for the next 20 years?

 

I know myself that I have a lot of platonic women friends and some of them have been my friends for 5 to 13 years. I met most of them at work and the rest are nurses and CNAs who took care of me when I was seriously injured in the past. None of my former female school friends lasted very long. School friendships with women were all short term and ended about as soon as the class ended and they didn't need to study with me anymore. The worst psycho girl I ever knew I met in church. So of the 3 places where you can theoretically get to know someone well before dating, work has the best track record for me (tried it a couple times in the past). Not that it hasn't had it's occasional problems.

 

My longterm guy friends have come from all 3 places and elsewhere.

 

I think everything has risks and you have to compare them. Dating someone from work, school, or church all 3 have risks because you'll be around them longterm, even if it doesn't work out. Church is the worst of the 3, especially since church women are the worst gossips ever and the preachers are often butting into relationships. School is the most temperary place. Work seems a great place to meet people to me and the best of the 3. A guy you know from work is probably safer on the date than a near stranger you met elsewhere. Compare the risks. I think the guy you know best is safer than the guy you don't know well. You probably know this guy well by now. If not, then wait until you do before chancing it.

 

Does your employer even have a policy about it? Maybe they don't care. Even if they do, would they ever know? How would they know?

 

My sister used to teach college English at age 25 and 26. Her husband was one of her first students and he is 3 years older than her. I think the school's only policy was that they were supposed to wait until he was no longer in her class and wouldn't be in another of her classes. She has a higher paying job now, but she could go back and teach at that same school again and they know where she met her husband and they don't care.

 

Perhaps you should figure out if this guy is also into you too and how much. If so, I wouldn't let any employer policy stop you, but that's my view. In any case, in a worst case scenario, there are other bookstores to work at.

 

There's been several people where I work who've dated each other, but at work they acted like just friends and no one ever knows until one day they get spotted necking on the sidewalk a block from work. Our employer couldn't care less as long as they aren't on duty. I don't know about your employer, but why should they care if you act professional at work when on duty (act like normal coworkers) and do your jobs? If you are professional at work and act like just regular coworkers, then who would know and who would care anyway?

[Grokker]

I'm actually the boss at my workplace. Which means I'd never, ever do it... because everyone else here is an underling. If I started to date one of them and something went wrong, I could be signing a death warrant for my career and professional reputation. The temptation for a woman who felt slighted to get back at me using harassment laws might be just too much.

 

It happened once that a female employee I was rather attracted to started flirting with me quite heavily. That was bad. I would smile politely and avoid her, and be very terse and businesslike if I had to be around her... and it seemed so unfair, because in any other circumstances I would have jumped in with both feet.

 

It got even weirder. At one point she lost interest in me, and started getting real friendly with another (male) employee. It was hard not to feel resentful of the guy at some level, and though I never let it affect my interactions with him, a less conscientious boss might have done.

 

Later, we had to let the girl go. It was for sound business reasons, but I must confess I felt a little relieved for other reasons as well. Things like that can get really uncomfortable.

 

My answer in general... there are way, way too many things that can go wrong if you dip your fingers in the company ink. Even if it's just a part time McJob.

[shygirl79]

here is my question in regards to dating in the workplace. what if you are working in a place with a lot of students, but you arent faculty or administration or anything like that, would you date a student? I know its not the typical dating scenario but i would like your thoughts

[Grokker]

No no no! I've been in that situation too... had a teaching fellowship at a university once. The rules were very clear on that... dating a student was strongly discouraged, for the same reasons as dating between people who have an authority differential in any workplace is discouraged.

[shygirl79]

I totally get it if you have a faculty/teaching/administrative position, but what if you are in a positon in which you do not have an authority or a disciplinary role with the students, like say a support staff sort of position? I about the same age as the students and so I am a bit on the fence. I know some coworkers who have, but we dont have the same type of job, they were much more hands on with the students than I am. No pun intended.

[Grokker]

Well, then that doesn't sound like too much of a problem... if there's no way you could have any impact on their grades, etc. I would still check the regulations... most universities publish a "sexual harassment policy"... and maybe even ask a counselor-type, before I actually got my hands on anything