Having trouble...need advice

[Orlander]

I'm not even sure how to explain what I am going through right now. In truth, I have never experienced this before. It's been well over a year since my breakup and I am at the point where I feel I should be over her and I should be seriously interested in dating again. Im not though. I go through phases where I miss her and phases where I dont. I still think about her every day.

 

I tell myself to just forgive the past and move on, to have faith that love will find me again when I am ready (like it did the last time), but it seems impossible.

 

I've stopped even trying to move on. I'm not dating at all and take very little effort in doing so. Each attempt is met with feelings that I will never find anyone who can love me. This sucks. Nearly every other aspect of my life is going well, but I dont have the one thing in my life I truly wanted most. I feel time is slipping away.

 

I felt sorta like this before I met my ex, but had no problems in being able to date. Any feedback is welcome.

 

 

Orlander

[Jayar]

You have come a long way since your break-up. Honestly, I truly believe that the RIGHT girl will lift this cloud of darkness. I know it sounds corny but none of the girls you've been seeing recently are the right ones, it's as simple as that. Remember it's not about quantity it is about quality.

 

I feel exactly the way you feel except for me it's only been 4 months. We all heal at our own pace. Love will happen. And this time it might be real so don't close yourself off to it. I'm wondering if maybe you're giving off a vibe that is unattractive to women you might otherwise potentially have a chance with? I know right now everything about me SCREAMS "unavailable" because my head and my heart aren't ready for someone new. At the same time I'm confident that when my head and heart are in place I WILL love the idea of dating again.

 

Maybe the issue here isn't how you feel (which is natural) but more how long you've been feeling this way... A year is a pretty long time to still feel like you're not yourself. Have you thought about talking to someone?

[DizzyDoris]

Aww babe time is not slipping away for you, all hope is not lost! Breakups are hard,just take one day at a time and you'll get over her eventually.

Keep yourself busy, so you have less time to dwell on the past. Get out there try new things, meet new people, just have fun!

 

Your hot,a real good looking fella,bet you have loads of admirers (one here If your still sad about your ex though i bet you dont even notice them! From experience, love always gets you when you least expect it! Ive only had 5 relationships and all of those started when i was happy and confident being single, not looking for love,and we just met by chance. I think if you feel happy in yourself,you give off good vibes that attract others.

 

Guess what im trying to say is dont worry too much about it, just look after numeral uno,dont go looking too hard and love WILL bite you on the bum again, when you least expect it! x x x

 

Not very good advice haha just my opinion

[friscodj]

Hey O-man...

 

I know exactly how you feel bro. My advice to you is accept your situation instead of fighting it or believing you should feel otherwise. Don't force it. Let go of all your notions of timing, dating, love, meeting someone, etc. Just let go.

 

Sit down, buckle in, focus on the aspects of your life that are going well, and enjoy the ride my man. And I bet you when you get immersed in the happiness and comfort of your life...you'll be pleasantly surprised by love's kiss...it always seems to happen that way...

[Orlander]

You have come a long way since your break-up. Honestly, I truly believe that the RIGHT girl will lift this cloud of darkness.

Thanks, Jayar. I want to be happy and content with where I am right now. I just think too much on wanting a family, missing my ex and fearing I will never have half the love I had with my ex every again. It's frustrating and going nowhere.

 

Thanks for the compliments Dizzy. I have had women who were/are interested in me, but i'm not really interested in any of them. I've had my fair share of dates in the past year also, but none of them led anywhere.

Ive only had 5 relationships and all of those started when i was happy and confident being single, not looking for love,and we just met by chance.

When I met my ex I didnt want anything more than to just date. I had gotten my confidence back and had just started getting out there to date again. Yes, unfortunately I was a bit of a player and didnt consider my ex to be someone I wanted to pursue a relationship with, but as I kept seeing her I began to see how wonderful she was. But, I think ultimately my mindset of spending a lot of time wanting to date others and even thinking I could have a better relationship out there with someone else, really prevented our relationship from ever getting as deep and meaningful as I always wanted, though I always felt she thought I was the one for her.

 

My advice to you is accept your situation instead of fighting it or believing you should feel otherwise.

**Sigh** I agree with you. I've had the worst time going from having someone in my life who adored me to not really talking much to anyone. My friends were her friends, my family here in Orlando was her family. I lost a lot.

 

I dont get out a lot to meet other people. I work a lot to try to pay off debts so I can afford to one day have a family. So, i'm kinda stuck. I dont have a lot of friends and find it difficult to motivate myself enough to get out there and just do stuff socially. Not sure why I feel this way.

 

I really hope that time will get me through this. It just seems impossible that I will ever fall in love. Thanks everyone for your feedback.

 

 

Orlander

[Dilly]

You're going to be fine! Now that the memories from last year's reunion are almost behind you, I hope you can enter into the new year with a new spring in your step. I really feel like based on what little I've read that you are going to make someone very happy and that you should be ready to date again, if you aren't seriously doing so already. YOu have my blessings.

[Rainz]

Awww, I totally understand that feeling and that place. Because I'm there right now, 9 months since my break up with my ex. I'm only now just in the last couple of weeks or so feeling like I could date if someone I liked came my way.

At least you have been dating so that is still some progress, despite nothing developing from it.

 

It can get you down especially when your social life and opportunities to meet others are minimal.

 

I can so relate to how you feel about wanting a family Orlander, because I'm the same and have wanted a family of my own for the longest time now.

 

I wish I could say more positive things to you but I'm only just getting ahead of my own situation right now.

 

You're an attractive guy Orlander and you seem to have so much to offer, like what Friscoe said perhaps just try to "let go" of the whole, relationship, dating etc etc....thing.

I've been doing that, and focussing on me and doing what I want and I noticed that I've been having a few pangs of feeling down here and there but not the periods of depression like I was justa few weeks back even. I've been getting attention recently as well, so I guess I must be giving out a vibe of receptiveness etc..as opposed to the closed off-ness that I was probably exuding while going through the break up.

 

Orlander,no-one know what's going to happen. You never know what's around the corner. That's what I tell myself when I find myself getting scared about my future, and will I meet someone who can connect with me near like what my ex did etc. If there are other people in relationships, and they're happy and happy familes etc then I should be able to achieve that too.

[Dilly]

I'd start a thread... this one's a bit ... old and maybe you should create a thread to focus on this subject. If you are SURE you are welcome at her door, I would drop by, but not on Christmas, maybe a tonight or tomorrow lunch. But night time visitors on one of the shortest days of the year might be creepy. But you know, I know what you mean. Me and my ex were close for years. It was nice having an open invitation.

[lmtl]

Hi Orlander,

I know exactly what you're going through. It's been a little longer than a year for me...although the constant contact dragged it out until last Monday when I started NC. At the beginning of the breakup, I still had some confidence & dignity. But over the past year, it has eroded down to nothing and I feel so old and unattractive that no one would ever want me.

 

I haven't had a real hug/kiss or anything since July '05, and like you, I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find someone to love me or even care about me at all.

 

The good news is that I know lots of people who have gone through this. I have gotten the pep talk from all of them. I can see with my own eyes that they are all better off today and have met wonderful people that compliment them very well.

 

I believe that will happen for both of us. You are a very attractive guy with a warm heart (I can tell from your posts). You will make someone very happy & make that old cliche come true...Everything happens for a reason, for the best.

 

Let's get through the next couple of weeks of "holidays", and make a pact that 2007 will be a year of endless possibilities