Breaking Up: Update

[mtritz]

Hi there,

 

I think what you did was the right thing to do. How the hell is one supposed to continue to fool themselves and others into thinking that your in it for the long haul. If you start to date someone you "date" them to get to know them. If things progressed so far in that three weeks that a breakup was completely impossible for the other to deal with, then they have dependency issues and really need to evaluate their need to be a relationship. You handled it in a compassionate and kind manner and I hope you and your new friend really enjoy eachothers company. I will never again be with someone because I feel obligated. I be with them because I love them.

 

Good on you dude! =D>

 

Melanie

[mtritz]

This is what I plan to say to someone I have been dating for a few weeks and am not attracted to . . . . .

 

"I've been thinking that us seeing each other is not the right thing for me right now. I do enjoy spending time with you but I don't believe that my heart is in the right place. There's so many issues I personally need to address and it's completely unfair to lead you on in any way. I also would like to apologize for doing so. You are an amazing kind and generous individual and deserve someone who can return those gifts to you.

 

I seriously feel like the biggest piece of * * * * breaking this off, especially doing it by email but I don't think I would be able to get the words out in person. Alot of the things I've said were really in the heat of the moment because we do really have a blast. If you need to talk, perhaps think over what you need to say and get in touch in a couple of days. I don't really know what else to say except that you deserve someone who can be completely in love with you.

 

Thank you so much for the good times. I did have alot of fun."

 

Please send your opinions . . .

 

Is this acceptable?

[Biffy]

The wording is perfect, the delivery sucks.

 

I was dumped by email and it stung but we'd been together a lot longer than a few weeks. I'd encourage you to at least say it down the phone.

[annie24]

The wording is perfect, the delivery sucks.

 

I was dumped by email and it stung but we'd been together a lot longer than a few weeks. I'd encourage you to at least say it down the phone.

 

i agree, at least on the phone would be good. print out that paragraph, if you are afraid you'll forget what to say.

[mtritz]

I get the idea of the delivery being not so good but I really couldn't have expressed any of what I needed to say in verbal communication.

 

He wrote back,

 

"I'm stunned, I guess have a nice life."

 

So he's pissed. I didn't know how to respond. I figured that trying to defend my decision is just adding insult to injury.

[annie24]

well, you broke up with him by e-mail, what did you expect? I think he may have taken it a little better if you at least called him on the phone and read that paragraph to him.

[jamiek]

The way you posted it sounded a bit cold and that may be why you got some negative responses. Seeing it was only a three week relationship, I don't think too much harm was done. It's honorable that you were honest with her to her face (and apparently you were appropriate in how you presented it since she would like to still be friends). Good luck but keep one thing in mind (just in general), relationships take work and feelings take time to develop. There is no "perfect" person out there (as I feel like many men are searching for, unfortunately for them).

[HangingInThere]

I think you did the right thing......jeez, it was only 3 weeks and he was getting to know her...in those 3 weeks he realized he didnt want to be with her, and he told her.

 

I do not understand why ppl are mad with you because of what you did. I really think you did the right thing!

 

I guess the ppl that are mad prefer if you string her along, have fights on top of fights and then tell her probably 3,6,9,12 months into the relationship!

 

I commend you on what you did - I hope your new relationship works out!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HangingInThere]

Hi there,

 

I think what you did was the right thing to do. How the hell is one supposed to continue to fool themselves and others into thinking that your in it for the long haul. If you start to date someone you "date" them to get to know them. If things progressed so far in that three weeks that a breakup was completely impossible for the other to deal with, then they have dependency issues and really need to evaluate their need to be a relationship. You handled it in a compassionate and kind manner and I hope you and your new friend really enjoy eachothers company. I will never again be with someone because I feel obligated. I be with them because I love them.

 

Good on you dude! =D>

 

Melanie

 

i totally agree...I did the whole i feel obligated to be with him thing, and it sucks and it only hurts the other perosn in the end when you come to your senses and break it off.

 

I think what he did was on point!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Thanks everyone.

 

Good luck but keep one thing in mind (just in general), relationships take work and feelings take time to develop. There is no "perfect" person out there (as I feel like many men are searching for, unfortunately for them).

 

Thanks for the advice; I'll keep it in mind. My personal feeling is that relationships take work; but it shouldn't take work from just one person, nor should the relationship be all about work. I think there should be a natural flow to it. Not something that's forced.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I get the idea of the delivery being not so good but I really couldn't have expressed any of what I needed to say in verbal communication.

 

He wrote back,

 

"I'm stunned, I guess have a nice life."

 

So he's pissed. I didn't know how to respond. I figured that trying to defend my decision is just adding insult to injury.

 

Yeah I was afraid that I couldn't express myself with words. I didn't do that great of a job.

 

It does sound like he's angry, but I think he would have been angry regardless of the situation. My ex was angry when I saw her; it's understandable.

 

I think you did the right thing by not responding back to him.

[mtritz]

Yes, I do think he would have been angry regardless of the situation. Not only did the guy have no experience with relationships, he was already telling friends I'd come to their wedding and spending stupid amounts of money trying to impress. I was starting to feel like a high priced hooker. Unfortunately for him, I was only the high priced part. I could never knowingly allow someone to spend that kind of money on me with sex as an expectation.

 

Thanks for all the comments. I think next time I get a gut feeling about someone I'll go with it immediately instead of letting it drag out any longer than it has to.

 

Cheers.](*,)

[Jayar]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, but from what I gather I think you did the right thing. In fact, your "girlfriend" shouldn't really even have been your girlfriend after just three weeks anyway. So it's not a big deal.

 

I wish my ex dumped me after a few weeks, knowing he wasn't into me, rather than 2.5 years into a relationship I was OBVIOUSLY thinking was headed towards marriage. So I don't fault you at all.