To the guys in "casual relationships...

[Kara]

Two part, simple question really...

 

Just wondering how many of you guys that have been involved in a casual relationship ended up developing more feelings for the girl and decided to date her exclusively?

 

Part 2, And if so...how long did it take before you realized you cared for her more than just a casual fling?

 

Just to be clear, in my case it's more than just a friends with benefits, but we are not exclusively dating each other. We hang out all the time, cuddle, he asks me to come watch his games, we talk every day and night, and get along fantastically. I sleep at his house once or twice a week..we do have sex but we cuddle and ACT like a couple but we're not.

 

Basically, I brought it up far too soon into the start of it and he said "you're not wanting anything are you? Don't go falling in love with me ok? lol" and I backtracked and said "no ofcourse not, we're just having fun."

 

So NOW, I find us getting closer...time has passed. And I don't know if maybe his feelings about us actually BEING together have changed. I'm too scared to ask and bring it up again. It FEELS like it from him..but I really don't know.

 

Any advice would be great! Do guys just take longer to want something more?? Or does he just like having all the benefits of a relationship without the committment?

 

I know he's not dating any other girls, so it's not that.

 

Thanks!

[MrKadash]

I've absolutely developed feelings for girls while starting with a casual relationship. For me it was prime because their were no expectations or pressure to figure anything out - we both knew what we wanted as long as the communication was open. But for me the emotional strain always got in the way (not true for all guys) and it either ended or I (we) wanted more. It all depends on the individual. Just make sure you both are on the same page to lesson the chances of one or both of you getting hurt.....

[Batya33]

I would take his earlier words as the gospel and know that if he changes his mind you would be the first to know because he would want to make sure he didn't lose you to another guy. The only time I've had a casual relationship develop into something more was when I reconciled with an ex I had ended things with and he waited months before asking me to be exclusive because he didn't yet trust me. Otherwise, every man I've ever been serious with (close to 10 I think) have expressed the desire to be exclusive early on and have made it clear from the beginning that the reason they were dating me was to see if there was potential for the long term.

 

On the other hand I have seen many relationships where the woman, as you are, started reading into actions on the part of the guy that he was developing feelings when the guy never said he had changed his position from earlier.

 

What I would do - protect yourself and stop having sex with him - tell him that you are developing feelings and need to protect your heart if indeed he sees this as just casual. Ask yourself -why I am willing to let him be inside me if I am not willing to ask him where I stand and what are his intentions?

[itsallgrand]

I can only agree strongly with stopping sleeping with him, unless you are 100% for a flinger. Otherwise your heart could get a real trampling for no real reason.

 

Once you stop sleeping with him, if he wants something with you it will become apparent. Apparent what his intents are: sex and convienience, or you. He'll seek you out if he wants.

 

Even if he does/has developed deep feelings for you and will be interested in taking this into the realm of a real relationship, you are establishing a mark in his mind about your character by sleeping with him now. Perhaps this is a cynical take, but once you give for free...people tend to think they can get away with much more. They tend to expect what has happened before. Of course he likes having the benefits of a relationship without a commitment: it's easier for him! That's not to say he is a bad guy, as you are consenting to allowing that to take place.

[sixpounder]

apparently that how my girlfriend felt when we first started dating, but i used my charm and wits to win her over naw just kidding, i find that if you spend alot of time with somebody you can relate to, your feelings for them increase

[Cardinal]

I agree with Batya and others. I wouldn't continue to do things that may lead you to greater feelings toward him until he discusses his own intentions. This can be as simple as having a good conversations about it...being open, honest and communicating. Then you two can make a decision as to how to progress from there. Open the communication channels first.

 

I am dating a girl casually now, and we both know it will stay casual. She didn't like it when I put a label on it and said what we both knew (she felt rejected), but it was the right decision and we are both still together. We know why things will not work for us long term and are not afraid to talk about the future.

 

I suggest opening up and doing the same. You don't even know how this guy feels. Sure you can assume he isn't attached to you, but you can also ask him to clarify his intentions pretty easily too. Then there will be less uncertainty.