sparkly Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 when a girl says she doesn't want a boyfriend at all what do you make of this? Link to comment
rocio Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Either she doesn't want a boyfriend or she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend. Why is this confusing? I never wanted a boyfriend and when I would tell people that they would become perplexed. I just didn't want a boyfriend, that's all. Link to comment
Tigris Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 She's saying she's not interested in a relationship at the moment. So you're wasting your time. Link to comment
Alabama Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 She saying she's not interested. Link to comment
southerngirl Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 If she says she doesnt want a boyfriend, chances are she means just that. Link to comment
vermilion Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Chances are, she doesn't want YOU as a boyfriend. Link to comment
Caterina Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 She's not ready for a relationship right now. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 In most cases she is speaking in general and specific terms. It means that she isnt interested in anybody and she is not interested in you. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Mind if I add to the question? When I used to say that point blank "I'm not interested in a relationship," I swear men used to take it as a challenge. ??? Link to comment
rocio Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Mind if I add to the question? When I used to say that point blank "I'm not interested in a relationship," I swear men used to take it as a challenge. ??? Are you sure they were taking it as a challenge? I do find that alot of men find it a huge turn-on because it means that you aren't going to be clingy and needy and smothering. It shows a certain degree of independence. I think they hear, "I'm not desperate to be in a relationship, but if I find a great guy, then I'm in!" Link to comment
Dako Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I've heard that line from a few women in casual conversation and take it at face value. None seemed hostile toward me, and I wasn't pursuing anything. Seems as puzzling as saying they don't want a cat. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Are you sure they were taking it as a challenge? I do find that alot of men find it a huge turn-on because it means that you aren't going to be clingy and needy and smothering. It shows a certain degree of independence. I think they hear, "I'm not desperate to be in a relationship, but if I find a great guy, then I'm in!" With the utmost respect, how does "clingy, needy and smothering" have any relevance to a healthy relationship? I wouldn't want to date a guy who had that kind of cynical view about relationships, much less my behavior in a relationship and I wouldn't want to use that just to be a "challenge." I take pride in the fact that in my relationships I am not clingy, needy or smothering - we all have our moments of needing some extra TLC and we all have our "needy" times but in general the best part of a relationship is being two independent fulfilled people who have chosen to spend a significant amount of time together and through that to inspire each other to be even more confident and independent. Your characterization is a sad commentary on relationships and I hope that it hasn't been true of yours. Link to comment
rocio Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 With the utmost respect, how does "clingy, needy and smothering" have any relevance to a healthy relationship? I wouldn't want to date a guy who had that kind of cynical view about relationships, much less my behavior in a relationship and I wouldn't want to use that just to be a "challenge." I take pride in the fact that in my relationships I am not clingy, needy or smothering - we all have our moments of needing some extra TLC and we all have our "needy" times but in general the best part of a relationship is being two independent fulfilled people who have chosen to spend a significant amount of time together and through that to inspire each other to be even more confident and independent. Your characterization is a sad commentary on relationships and I hope that it hasn't been true of yours. I'm glad you take so much pride in your relationships, and I thank you for your pity of me. If you read through the threads in this forum, you will find countless ones about a girl whose boyfriend is sick of her calling too often, expecting too much PDA, or otherwise smothering him. It happens. It's reality. Some girls fall too hard, too fast. And alot of guys don't like it. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I'm glad you take so much pride in your relationships, and I thank you for your pity of me. If you read through the threads in this forum, you will find countless ones about a girl whose boyfriend is sick of her calling too often, expecting too much PDA, or otherwise smothering him. It happens. It's reality. Some girls fall too hard, too fast. And alot of guys don't like it. That may be true but that behavior has no relevance to a healthy relationship - that is simply clingly and needy behavior, period. I wouldn't want to be with a man who assumed that relationship = clingy and needy behavior. Wouldn't make any sense for me to be in a situation of having to "prove" I wasn't like that. Some girls and some guys fall too hard and too fast and some men post about needy/clingy women (of course men who are in healthy relationships typically have less reason to post so you're getting a biased sampling of men). Typically, when a man tells a woman he is not interested in a relationship, it has nothing to do with women in the past being clingy or needy it means "I am not interested in being in a relationship WITH YOU." Link to comment
Dako Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 The women I referred to in my last post seemed content without a guy in their life. Looking back, they seemed the opposite of clingy. One lady wanted to go out with me only in a platonic sense. Either I'm repulsive or she's independent. I'll flatter myself and assume the former. Link to comment
rocio Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I wouldn't want to be with a man who assumed that relationship = clingy and needy behavior. Wouldn't make any sense for me to be in a situation of having to "prove" I wasn't like that. i guess we're just coming from two different backgrounds. I don't need to prove anything either, that's for sure. If you want a bit of a background on my approach to relationships, it's basically summed up in my thread "this is so messed up". Basically, I'm not looking, or ever have been looking, for a boyfriend. I find guys are much more into me once they find out that I'm not necessarily looking for a boyfriend, but that I am attracted to them and want to get to know them (ruling out the idea that I'm only saying that because I'm not interested in them specifically). I don't think it's because they want a challenge, as I'mThatGIrl suggested, but rather that it puts them at ease. They don't assume that relationship=clingy/needy, but they do think that relationship_after_1_month_of_dating=too_fast! It's not that they are cynical or sad. It's just that they like to take their time getting to know someone before committing themselves. I think that's special. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I am all for taking one's time before committing. In my experience, however, the man typically makes his general intentions known very early on - within the first few dates - that is, I am usually told "I am looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage and family" - of course they don't say they are looking for that "with me" - they don't know me yet nor I, them but they let it be known that their purpose in going on dates with me is to see if we would be compatible for the long term. Then, typically within a month or two of dating, the man asks me to be exclusive. If a man said to me from the get go "I am not looking for a relationship" (for whatever reason or no reason at all) I would say "that's fine, but I am (in general) so it wouldn't make sense for us to date." I might also say "if you ever change your mind about your (general) intentions feel free to get in contact with me and if I am still interested and available I will consider it of course. If a man doesn't tell me his general goals and intentions within the first several dates, I assume he is not looking for a serious relationship. If I were very interested in him, I might say at that point - or find a way to bring up the general topic - that in general I am in the mindset of looking for a relationship leading to marriage and family and see his reaction. I would not pressure him or even mention any specific intention to have a relationship with him (it would be way too soon most likely) but if my stating my general goals scared him away, then I would know we were not compatible. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 when a girl says she doesn't want a boyfriend at all what do you make of this? She means she doesn't want you as a boyfriend and hopes you move on so she doesn't have to deal with your interest anymore. This is going to be the case the vast majority of the time. Only on rare occasions or weird circumstances would a woman really not want a man in her life. If the "right guy" came along, would she really refuse him? Or is it perhaps that you aren't that right guy and she hopes you move on and accept her blow off? Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Mind if I add to the question? When I used to say that point blank "I'm not interested in a relationship," I swear men used to take it as a challenge. ??? Because guys can be very dense. Unless you tell them flat out that it is THEM who you don't want to date, nor will you ever, they usually try to sneak in some way or another by becoming a "friend" and wait you out. That happens quite often. Link to comment
Caterina Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Mind if I add to the question? When I used to say that point blank "I'm not interested in a relationship," I swear men used to take it as a challenge. ??? I love your signature. I know what you mean about men taking that as a challenge. it used to annoy me so much. Link to comment
MrKadash Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Because guys can be very dense. Unless you tell them flat out that it is THEM who you don't want to date, nor will you ever, they usually try to sneak in some way or another by becoming a "friend" and wait you out. That happens quite often. What a relief to know I'm not dense. Whenever I've heard that response from a woman I'm heading for the exits. Link to comment
rocio Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 What a relief to know I'm not dense. Whenever I've heard that response from a woman I'm heading for the exits. You can also tell from the context though. A woman's body language and the way she looks at you can say so much more than words. She shouldn't have to make up lies just to get rid of a guy. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 What a relief to know I'm not dense. Whenever I've heard that response from a woman I'm heading for the exits. LOL! I know, but usually the younger and inexperienced guys are like this. Link to comment
atraceofblood Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 when a girl says she doesn't want a boyfriend at all what do you make of this? is there a girl that you like that said this? If so, has she just gotten out of a relationship? Did you ever feel really comfortable with each other the day you met? I think the only way to find out is to simply ask the girl what she really means. Actually I'm in a similar situation myself and I'm getting curious enough to want to ask the girl now. My context is different though as this girl seemed to really like me before and when we met. Link to comment
sparkly Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 i am the girl who said this. the reason i asked this question is because i was talking to someone that i work with about me not wanting a boyfriend and the person that i like glanced over at me for a second after i said it. so i was really just wondering why he did this. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now