PaulMn Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I would like to know how long people here were looking before they found a partner that they are happy with (I know some of us haven't found one yet...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 How long it takes is how long it takes. I was 39 when I met her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kryptik0 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 You can't make a generalization about it. I have been wanting a fulfilling and lifelong relationship for more than 10 years now. But then again, I have always been extremely unlucky with love and women. It's depressing. ](*,) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Some of us have found them lots of times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Some of us have found them lots of times. I did meet some other women who were really nice during my search. Some I dated for long periods of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I was 24 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 If you still haven't found her yet, then you have some learning to do on how to attract and keep girls. It is a skill like any other which can be learned. Some guys are naturals and know how to do it right from the start, but others go through their whole lives dealing with failed relationships or never even getting a girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laboheme Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I was very happy with my now ex-boyfriend for 2 years...I met him when I was 18. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulMn Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 I meant how many months or years were people actually looking for a suitable partner before they found one? I'm not looking at the moment. I was lucky - neither of us was actually looking to find somebody else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I wasn't actively seeking, I was lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 When was I not looking for something with a woman after I hit puberty? Suitable partners show up when they show up, you just need to be ready to reel them in when they do. I think the last ex I had, which resulting in me coming here and reading a ton on this stuff is was got me ready in large part to hold onto the one I now have. There were others before that I could have settled for and who wanted me. They were suitable for a while. But what can you settle for? There's not a timetable for finding the right man or woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 As you get older and more experienced in relationships, it becomes easier. At 22 I had no idea the sort of person I'd be compatable with and you'd sort of take pot luck in the dating game a bit. Now, after 4 or 5 long term relationships I know quite specifically the sort of person I can maintain a long term relationship with and more importantly the type I can't. Don't feel the need too much to get it "right" all the time. You will get better at it as you learn more about yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Certainly not longer than one's lifespan - that's the only guaranteed fact Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 It just happens when it happens, and it can happen more than once too; but over time you also can find that you could have something great with many of the people you date, but there has to be the right time, and the right partnership. Different people may be great matches at certain times in life, but finding that lifelong partner is trickier. When I was 18, I started a relationship with a wonderful man, and was very happy with him, but he died just over four years later, and while I had something great with him, certainly did not mean I could not with someone else! A couple years later I met my boyfriend, whom is truly my life partner in present and future, but if things had turned out differently does it mean I would never have been happy? Likely not, as I create my own happiness, and my boyfriend enhances my life, and is my teammate in life - he brings more happiness rather than 'makes' me happy. I knew what I was about, and what I needed in a partner, and it made it much easier to weed out those whom were NOT compatible, and find the one whom was. I was never "looking", but I was always open to the opportunity...I lived my life for me, and things happened as they happened. I think it's less luck, as it is just the right time, and when the timing is right, you are both open to it, you see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Certainly not longer than one's lifespan - that's the only guaranteed fact Not true, plenty of guys go through their whole lives too scared to hit on any girls. And if no girl hits on them, then they stay single till they die. And some girls just by chance never meet a guy who knows what he's doing, and of those who do, lots of those guys aren't serious about them. For the girls, you can try and stay in shape and improve the physical as much as you can. For the guys, there are plenty of resources to help you learn on how to understand and communicate with women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoops Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 ohh so how do i find someone then i have had two long relationships but know what i want now - but my ex says i am too fussy not when i am with them but when i date them initially - is this wrong? I also posted on feeling too old and was told re biological clock etc but is that so for a 32 year old - is it too late - i need to change my ideals but how? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Is it wrong to be too fussy when you first start to date someone? Only if you want them to continue to date you. If you want to chase them away, by all means fuss. You're 32? That's not all that old. I went to three weddings this year at which the youngest bride was 36. If you really want to change you ideals, I would begin by reading some very different types of things. The books I'd read are: Love Tactics : How to Win the One You Want by Thomas W. McKnight and Robert H. Phillips; The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene; Body Language by Susan Quilliam; maybe Body Language Secrets by R. Don Steele; How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie; How to Be a People Magnet and How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You both by Leil Lowndes; and Get Anyone to Do Anything by David J. Lieberman. Pick the order you want, but the first two listed would be where I would begin. If you can accept that both Greene, who's book is about as amoral as can be, and McKnight are right, then maybe you can synthysize a new ideal about how people work and can work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Is it wrong to be too fussy when you first start to date someone? Only if you want them to continue to date you. If you want to chase them away, by all means fuss. You're 32? That's not all that old. I went to three weddings this year at which the youngest bride was 36. Wow. If I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I don't think I'll bother with looking for a mate after that. I'll just focus entirely on my career. lol (Not that I'm planning on this happening, but I'm just saying, if it were to happen...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Wow. If I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I don't think I'll bother with looking for a mate after that. I'll just focus entirely on my career. lol (Not that I'm planning on this happening, but I'm just saying, if it were to happen...) Being single in my thirties and knowing how to play the game was a blast. In my thirties, women began to try to hook up wiht me, not vice versa. If you meet the right woman, don't wait, but don't be in a rush. It gets to be more fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 I suppose and I see what you're saying. But I'm pretty traditional. By the time I hit that age, I'd like to be settled down with the right person, have a house, a career and be thinking of having kids too. That'd be the tops for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 I suppose and I see what you're saying. But I'm pretty traditional. By the time I hit that age, I'd like to be settled down with the right person, have a house, a career and be thinking of having kids too. That'd be the tops for me. When I was 23, I thought I had the woman I wanted to marry. That got screwed up, mostly by me, and we are both with other people. I did not meet the right woman until I was 39. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjane Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 I met my guy 10 months ago. He is most definitely a potential life long partner, although I probably didn't realize that until two months ago. He is the most promising partner I've ever had. I have a closeness with him that I've never had with anyone. In other relationships there were always walls and there is no wall here. I'm 37, he's two months from 38. Neither of us have ever been married. He's the best man I've ever met and I am totally entertained and fascinated by him! So, it took all these years. But I've only been actively searching for a mate for 5 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marco311 Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 I wouldn't worry about it. The trick is not to look. Infact, marriage itself isn't always the answer. To me, it is more of an phony instituion created by a God Fearing society that wants to clamp a restraint on our natural instincts. I think people these days are terrified at the thought of growing old alone. So they rush into a marriage not realizng how much work and dedication it takes to make the marriage last. breath. Take your time. You most likely will love many in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulMn Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 By the time I hit that age(30), I'd like to be settled down with the right person, have a house, a career and be thinking of having kids too. That'd be the tops for me. When I was 30 I had a partner, a house, a career and 2 little ones (OK, they were dogs, not kids). I thought I was setup for life. Now I am 41, I am renting a single room, and my partner left with the dogs. I have a completely different career. The whole marriage was built on sand. We both wanted to have a partner, and we had the same interests, but we had very different personalities and we could not communicate when we really needed to. When things went wrong, it fell to pieces so fast we couldn't do anything to save it. On a more positive note, it's encouraging that some of so called "older" folks seem to be more relaxed about how long it takes to find a partner. It also sounds like it doesn't matter how long it takes - we can use that time to meet people, to enjoy life, and to learn. In another 11 years, I'm sure things will be different again. I don't know how things will turn out, but I bet I have another dog by then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all," yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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