Why are people on Enotalone so conservative?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'm certainly not conservative, either politically or in a personal sense.

 

I have certain convictions, such as being anti-pornography, that arn't to do with being *prudish*, it's to do with the degradation of women, and suchlike.

 

But that ain't the issue of the thread.

 

I'd describe myself as a left wing agnostic. I have a fulfilling sex life and so forth...although (and I know I have made no sense here) it does seem to me that there are a higher proportion of people with reticient attitudes to sex on ENA than I've met in real life.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think it could be due to people trying to remain within the rules of the forum as well. Like, maybe holding back so as not to break any rules or offend. I know I hold back loads for those reasons.

[justpaisley]

How many "problems" on enotalone could be solved by accepting that we are sexual beings, we want sex, we don't always want sex with the right person, we don't always want sex with the complications that come with it, but we always want sex.

 

And how many problems on eNotAlone could be solved by people only engaging in responsible sex with a committed partner? How many diseases prevented, unwanted pregnancies avoided, feelings unhurt? I could go find 10 threads right now that wouldn't be there had the poster decided they or their partner wouldn't have sex until they were completely ready and committed to one another, and 10 more in the pregnancy forum that wouldn't be there had the poster decided to engage in responsible sex. I disagree that we are sexual beings, rather, we are beings who want sex. We are not controlled by our sexual desires. This is what separates us from animals.

 

It's the attitude of "sex as a taboo" that is the problem.

 

You're confusing those who don't want to have uncommitted sex with those who consider sex to be a taboo. I am very open about my sexuality. Once again, I love sex. I just don't think sex is something to take lightly, considering all the possible consequences it brings.

 

What is to be learned from only have sex with one person for your entire life?

 

What is to be learned from having sex with everyone you want? I really don't understand your issue with people who choose to wait for commitment.

 

If that's one's choice fine, I still think it's religious ridiculousness. If you're not gaining favor with god, why would you limit your sex life to one person for your whole life?

 

I decided when I was 15 to remain a virgin until I was married. I was not raised in a religious household, in fact, quite the opposite - it was all about sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll in my house - quite literally. My dad had a parade of girlfriends, smoked weed constantly, and partied quite a bit. I had no opinion at 15 of God. I believed in a god, I just didn't know which one. I certainly didn't learn my morality from the Bible, or from my parents. I watched my friends get pregnant, get abortions, get suicidal, get feelings for guys after sex only to be shot down, and I realized that none of it was worth it. I realized I wanted to wait for the guy who would commit to me for the rest of my life, that I didn't want to get pregnant until I was married because it's just less complicated that way (actually, that's one I decided on when I was 8), and that I wanted to be with one person monogamously for the rest of my life. When I became a Christian at 19, it was just all the more reason to stay a virgin. It's something I've never regretted, and never will.

 

I know one person waiting till marriage to have sex, she is a fundemantalist christian.

 

And that's... a bad thing?

 

Is is ok, even better to make mistakes and learn from them.

 

It is also okay to not make mistakes. Having sex with my husband has never been a mistake. No hurt feelings, unwanted pregnancies, no STDs, no "oops I got drunk and had sex with a guy," nothing. Just pure, monogamous, committed, responsible, sex - and there's nothing wrong with that. I've never regretted having sex with my husband, which is a WHOLE lot more than I can say about my friends who have had multiple sexual partners.

 

I know how to get birth control and I have learned how I react emotionally when I have sex with someone. These are good life skills that I encourage people to get.

 

I, too, know how to get birth control - I'm not a complete idiot. I, too, know how I react when I have sex with someone. I didn't have to sleep with anyone but my husband in order to gain that life experience.

[Daddy Bear]

i would imagine that there are also ENA members who find a much higher preponderance of liberal attitudes about sex here than they do in their own circles.

 

since i have the floor, i would like to add (in response to ALS's comment) that there is plenty of porn out there which is not degrading to women in the least. if you google "male sub femdom" you'll see what i mean.

 

not that i recommend it.

[Siriana]

let's not denigrate the medicinal power of laughter here. as i understand the eNotAlone mission, it is to be a place where people can find advice and support. not all who come here have questions about sexuality or relationships. many are simply lonely, frustrated and bored, and interspersed with their desire to help others is a real need for solace, camaraderie and temporary escape from their sometimes grinding and dreary lives. for them, a light-hearted, friendly conversation and a healthy daily chuckle are precisely what the doctor ordered. i, for one, intend to see that these needs are met.

 

I meant chit chat where you get a chance to make fun of other person, or not taking seriously other people problems. In many forums you can find that. Not here. And let's face it, this forum is not the most funniest one, but you can be taken seriously. I personaly never had a lot of fun or laughter here.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well that's really too bad syrix - I'm sorry to hear that.

 

And to ALS - as SB said, which I agree with, there are PLENTY of women who make the choice to be involved in the making of pornographic material and I am not in the least -as a woman for equality - offended. But that's just me...

[Daddy Bear]

I personaly never had a lot of fun or laughter here.

that's probably because you have had zero participation in the Off Topic Forum's humor threads. ENA attracts a lot of brilliant people, and i've been rocked with laughter by their witticisms and Dakoisms every day since the OT came into existence. in fact, i've been online with my PC since the 33.6-baud pre-Internet days of Prodigy and CompuServe, and i've never come accross a more amusing and entertaining forum.

[Miss M]

I meant chit chat where you get a chance to make fun of other person, or not taking seriously other people problems. In many forums you can find that. Not here. And let's face it, this forum is not the most funniest one, but you can be taken seriously. I personaly never had a lot of fun or laughter here.

I get what you're saying. I've also seen boards where sincere people with problems are laughed at and mocked for their suffering, not helped. It's nice there is some place where one with problems can be treated with respect, and taken seriously.

 

But also what SB says is true as well. Lots of humor here, and definitely lots of impromptu comedians, if you just know where to look. Fortunately most of the funny people here know when to use it, and when to tone it down.

 

And if it happens that you don't know where to look, just follow SB around for a while. That should eventually lead you on an interesting and "funny" journey. :splat:

[Survictor]

Interesting subject, guys. In another thread, I mentioned the clitorous. The reactions was quite funny in that a few people felt I had overstepped the boundaries. If you cannot discuss it in a relationship or sex and romance (though I honestly cannot remember what the thread was) then where can you discuss it. I am glad of this forum. I love sex. It makes me feel great and BTW, I am not a teenager. lol. Anyway, in Europe, people are way more open about sex and their bodies. The Brits are a little more conservatives and the Americans are even more uptight IMO. There are always exceptions to the rule, but I think we should be way more open about sex in general. There are so many problems wrapped up in sex and so many problems that spill over into your sex life and so to your relationships. It's a hinderance and one I would like to be more open about.

[Miss M]

Interesting subject, guys. In another thread, I mentioned the clitorous. The reactions was quite funny in that a few people felt I had overstepped the boundaries. If you cannot discuss it in a relationship or sex and romance (though I honestly cannot remember what the thread was) then where can you discuss it.

 

Survictor I just looked at that thread and I think you just misunderstood. The way I see it they weren't suddenly being "coy" because you mentioned a "clitoris". It was just a 3-month old thread that won't die, and the OP just mentioned that, that's all. She probably didn't expect the thread to experience so many "revivals" after all this time.

 

And the subsequent comments of "tsk tsk" and "shame" were in reference to 4inchfury's very bad joke, not about your "clitoris" comment.

 

Obviously a lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretations are also possible on a board like this.

[Survictor]

Oh thank you, Miss M. I guess I caught the tail end of the convo and misinterpreted.

[Miss M]

Oh thank you, Miss M. I guess I caught the tail end of the convo and misinterpreted.

You're welcome.

 

Yes, sex in regard to relationships is a big part of the discussions that happen here... and even more "leeway" exists in discussing it than you first thought.

 

Relax, have fun, but do read (and post) carefully and thoughtfully.

[itsallgrand]

Actually, I find this board to be a great mix of various views on sex etc.

 

I once posted a thread regarding 'Fisting'. Look it up if you like. The results? Many respectful replies, some excellent information, some sharing of experiences and a few different points of view represented.

Disrespectful posts were not allowed, and I was very pleased.

 

Even the most liberal of us would do well to respect opposing views on sex. Sometimes I disagree with the level of conservativism expressed by some posters - but ultimately it is not my call to tell others how to live or to deem them ignorant bc they choose differently than I.

 

The fact that the more conservative members here feel free to voice their questions and views openly says a lot to me. If it were TRULY conservative here: there wouldn't be so much discussion (we'd just be whipping ourselves quietly and going Ewwww)

[Survictor]

We are all unique. I welcome open discussion. It is funny how we all have a certain opinon of ourselves though. I am not sure what category I fall into but I hope one thing I am not, is too judgemental. I can be so oppinionated though! I don't think we can agree or disagree with people's levels of conservatism. It is up to them. Respect is a wonderful thing and I have noticed that it really exists on this forum.

 

Thank you for the reminder to post carefully and thoughtfully, Miss M. I do try but sometimes I just get carried away. I will try a little harder though.

[gersanos]

Remarkable post.

 

I made a great deal of mistakes when I was in high school - countless girls, drugs, poor grades, suspensions, etc. - very poor decisions on my part. After a couple drug offenses I got "clean." I'm not some bible thumper nowadays, nor do I abstain from alcohol. However, I have learned from my many mistakes, and most importantly, watched how the decisions that many of my friends made destroy their lives - unwanted pregnancies and STD's because of sex, drug and alcohol related deaths and suicides, hurt feelings about a significant other, dropouts from school because of partying, etc. There have been exceptions, but for the most part just poor decision making.

 

I have offered solace and advice to some friends along the way, however, people rarely accept this advice. What they are usually looking for is some sort of response to justify whatever it is they are deciding to do. With more time, I have lost my compassion for these people that make these choices. I don't think "poor you" or "that's horrible," instead I think "deal with it." But every now and then, I come accross someone who is genuinely looking for advice - and they take some of what I may have to offer and leave the rest.

 

I don't think I am better than these people, however, I do think I make better decisions about my life (nowadays) than many I have met. Along the way I have been called gay by girls (because I did not just rail her that night), boring (I don't go out much, meaning, I don't go to bars and clubs much), and "smart" (I work hard and save my money) which is code for boring. People have also told me to live in the moment more. HA! My living in the moment almost cost me my life back in high school: facing expulsion from school, drug induced jaundice, and a felony offense at 15 that, for some reason, the judge decided to send me to an inpatient hospital rather than juvenile hall. That inpatient hospital is where I began to turn around, yes, at 15, with a felony, two misdemeanors already under my belt, jaundiced skin, multiple drug related diagnoses, and absolutely no future. It all started with some casual sex and just smoking a little weed.

 

That's why I am "conservative" on many topics nowadays. I have been on both sides of the fence, and the grass is not greener on the other side, even if I am angry, bored, stressed, lonely, etc. on the side I am now. Always tempted, but I learned how to play the tape all the way through and realize where this will lead me if I act on it. In fact, much of it is really common sense.

 

Life is not short, it is actually quite the opposite. Especially if you make some very poor decisions early on in life, then you better strap in for a long road ahead. Maybe I was lucky, maybe I was "saved," heck, I don't know why, ten years after facing that judge, I graduated college with honors, and went on to law school, to where I work today, but I cannot say the same for the people I have buried, people that I know with STDs (one girl that had sex just once & her first time with a random guy who was "hot"), friends who have unwanted kids or live with regrets of abortion, or those who dropped out of school. I'm far from perfect, and I still make mistakes, but my "conservative" life nowadays has brought me tons less trouble than when I was "liberal" and what I used to consider "just fun."

[hosswhispra]

I don't give an effin' rat's a@@ who wants to boink their brains out or how they want to do it. If it makes them happy, then so be it.

 

I am happy the way I am.

 

Have a nice day.

hosswhispra

 

oops...guess the 'racetrack' came out in me...........

[SquareWheel]

I've noticed the same thing, Aschleigh.

 

Well, recent polls have found Americans to be generally pretty conventional about sex. You'd think the people who read and post on the sex/romance-related forums would be more open and progressive than the general population, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

 

Either truly open-minds are less common than you'd expect, or the folks reading/posting here represent a very wide (and thereforeeee very representative) swath of America's general population.

 

And by the way, Aschleigh, I appreciate your uninhibited attitude toward sex. I'm from the do-your-own-thing 1970s, and ironically I'm still a virgin in my forties. Long story, but suffice it to say I never wanted to be a virgin, and I'm still struggling to find a first partner.

[Momene]

I'm generally open-minded but could be labelled as "conservative" about some aspects of sex, not because I'm ignorant but because I've been round the block a few times. I know that certain things from "conventional wisdom" are true because I've experienced them, so I don't advise people to lose their virginity at the first opportunity but at least establish a relationship first.

[Daddy Bear]

Americans are porn-producing, breast-obsessed, "Girls Gone Wild"-watching prudes.

 

in other words, there is no single overwhelming American demographic when it comes to sex, just as it is here on ENA.

[lost1607307474]

I agree with the fact that some people take the whole 'no sex' thing much too far and come off quite prudish. Personally I know that sex is a normal occurrence, even in teenagers and before marriage etc. It's natural!

 

But you can't flame people for their own personal beliefs and values. If that's what they choose to believe in, then so be it.

[quietgrl]

wow this discussion is still going on Gosh!!!! oh well

 

SquareWheel,

 

Aschleigh uninhibited attitude toward sex's post "appeal" to virgins like you (virgins who think their virginity is a curse) because you don't know what an inpack sex will have in your life right now and you haven't tried to date women without sex being the issue but honey trust me. Trust me!!!! You're not going to think it's apealing when you've reallize been there done that or unless you want that type of sex life.

I'm going to share something with you Square.Most men i talk too call me"uninhibited" when i tell them what i want sexually.I've had even men stop talking to me and say i can't let you do that to me.Square just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you're a prune.That's why i think this conversation is stupid in a way.There is more downside to free love and casual sex then sex with commitment sex.Let's stop the spin.

Ok i'm moving on to a new topic.

[BellaDonna]

But still every once in a while I see someone say " I am still a virgin at 22" or that " I'm not comfortable about giving sex advice to a teenager".

IS this willful ignorance? What could one's motivation for not pursuing great sex?

 

 

I think enotalone has a very diverse group of members, from conservative to very sexually liberated and open.

 

Keep in mind that members of enotalone can be as young as age 13. We try to be tasteful in the way we communicate about certain sexual topics. Just the other day someone asked a question about pornography geared toward women, and instead of sending them links out in the open, I did so via private message instead. Why? Because I did not think it was appropriate to post it here. The links contained images that I would not want to be responsible for showing a 13 year-old.

 

The way I see it- online behavior should not be much different than behavior in "real life". In most places, sharing sexually explicit material with a 13 year-old is a criminal act. How many of us would walk up to 13 year-olds in a school yard and show them porn in real life, or talk about the great oral sex we had last night in great detail? If it's not appropriate there, then I feel it's not appropriate here.

 

This is ultimately a relationship forum/mental-health oriented forum where people come to receive advice (usually during difficult times in their lives) The sex and romance forum is just one tiny piece of a much bigger entity.

 

BTW, members of the S&M community are alive and well on this forum. They've been tasteful, honest, and mature about it so that's why you may have not noticed them.

 

People can sexually liberated, kinky, etc. without having to advertise it in an explicit way. I personally think it's unecessary to have to go into step-by-step details about sexual acts on here. In fact, there have been posters in the past that have come to the site PRETENDING to be something else (i.e. a teenage girl wanting to know about sex) when really they were someone else. They just used people's step-by step accounts to get off on, they were not really here for advice. That's what I keep in mind when I reply to certain posts. Honestly I do not want people snapping their carrots to any reply I would put on here- so I keep the content general yet informative. I try to refrian from "first you do this, and next you do that..." etc. I don't think there's anything wrong with masterbation, BTW, I just would never want a reply to a post to fuel someone elses. lol

 

I think sex is talked about in an open manner on this website, while also preserving respect of all involved. There have been many posts in the sex and romance forum which were not "conservative":

 

 

 

 

 

How much further can this site go?

 

There are so many websites that talk about sexual acts in great detail, & give more photos and more information. If that's what people are looking for , they have a wealth of other websites and a huge adult entertainment industry where they can obtain that kind of information.

 

If people want to be virgins at 22, follow religious or cultural guidelines, following a personal morality, or be conservative, that is their choice and their right. They are welcome to this site just as much as anyone else. Diversity is what makes this site meaningful.

 

BellaDonna

[birdgirl]

When I post on here, I almost feel like I'm going to a family member for advice. I am not conservative by any means, but I appreciate the conservativeness of this board. I like the sound advice I get. I like that I am hearing things my mom would say to me.

 

When I read about 17-year-old boys asking if they should get their girlfriends pregnant, and the responses are "No! Wait! You're too young." instead of "Bang her, dude," it makes me glad I found this place.

 

I curse, but I appreciate that I can't on here. The Internet is full of trash. I like this board the way it is.

[AwdreeHpburn]

When I post on here, I almost feel like I'm going to a family member for advice. I am not conservative by any means, but I appreciate the conservativeness of this board. I like the sound advice I get. I like that I am hearing things my mom would say to me.

 

When I read about 17-year-old boys asking if they should get their girlfriends pregnant, and the responses are "No! Wait! You're too young." instead of "Bang her, dude," it makes me glad I found this place.

 

I curse, but I appreciate that I can't on here. The Internet is full of trash. I like this board the way it is.

 

I really like this response. This is very well written and articulates the reason I think a lot of people come and stay.....

 

I'm sure it can't be for everyone, and that's ok too. But I completely agree with the sentiment of what birdgirl is saying here....

 

well done.

[Beec]

I know people who waited. I had a roommate in grad school who married a virgin, and he had done it once nad regretted it. I dated with couple virigns also in grad school, one of which gave me the opportunity to have sex, but I chose not to. Why? Because for me it would have been little more than getting laid, if anything more. For her, I think the first time was probably with her current husband before she was married. Sex is an act with a lot of emotional consequences and possibly other consequences. If you throw it around like it is just something to be used for pure pleasure without consideration of those consequences, you are mistreating it and yourself, imo. When you are 15, you don't have the maturity to know you are dealing with those decisions and more importantly, you cannot deal with the consequences. So why would I advise someone to do something I donot think they are capably of dealing with?