CamGuy Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 You know, it's odd, but I kinda feel like every gal I have met over the last year or so hasn't really had a legitimate chance with me. I seem to compare every girl I am dating, or have dated, to my ex, whom I departed ways with about a year ago. Im sure this is behavior others have experienced. The odd thing is my ex wasn't even that GREAT for me. So strangely enough I ask myself why even bother comparing. Perhaps it's because I grew accustom to her. Who the hell knows. Granted, I have had a blast dating, and getting my "daily fix", and many deem my recent behavior unhealthy. However, I simply would like to think the day I stop comparing, perhaps will be the day I may want to eventually settle down. These posts are few and far between, but hey, once in a while, i even surprise myself. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I don't think I ever dated a woman that did not get compared to others, in many regards. However, there are many who never had a chance. I don't see the real issue so long as you do not get their hopes up. If you go out once, and that's it, that's it. Dating is an investigation, you did not find what you were looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I think it is dangerous to make comparisions between people, instead why dont you just develop what you are looking for which does not represent an actual person but instead the qualities you want. Then you have a standard on which to judge these new women with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 As the person is your ex there is something that made the two of you incompatible as a couple. If she was the person meant for you, you would still be together, that said, she should not be the standard you hold all other women to because she is obviously not right for you as a mate. Looking at each women as an individual, her positives and negatives, decide on what she is like as a whole person and not rank her against a check list from your ex. Be open to new people as just that new and different, each chance is a fresh start. Don't let your ex taint each relationship you have but continually superimposing her on the other woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I think you will probably find that at some point, one woman is one you want to see more of. When I met most of the women I have dated seriously, they did not WOW me when I started, but, were, OK, sure, I'd give it a shot. The ones I ended up with for the longest periods were not the ones I had such hopes for when I first met them. You'll find yourself wanting to see one of them more, and that will end your string of short relationships. If you are making bad comparisons, then you are probably not ready for the relationship stuff again. All, in all, I still cannot help but compare. I'm also not capable of creating a woman with the exact personailty and looks that I think I'd want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CamGuy Posted October 16, 2006 Author Share Posted October 16, 2006 It's probably a combination of my tendencies to be shallow, as well as a reluctnacy to move forward, and settle down. I have no problems with understanding that me and my ex were not compatible. Like i said, we were not good together. I try to enter each new relationship with an open mind. And I am not looking for a replica of my ex. It's difficult to explain. I love being 26 and single. But eventually, I would like to think I would want to settle down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Then don't worry about looking for a person to settle with. I'm not interested in settling either, it doesn't mean I can't enjoy a meaningful relationship though. Mr/Ms Right Now doesn't mean they are vapid or disposable, they just may not be the person you're with 10 years from now. Relationships not bounded by expecting marriage, kids, long commitments and such are usually more able to grow, the partners may grow apart, but they could grow closer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CamGuy Posted October 16, 2006 Author Share Posted October 16, 2006 Then don't worry about looking for a person to settle with. I'm not interested in settling either, it doesn't mean I can't enjoy a meaningful relationship though. Mr/Ms Right Now doesn't mean they are vapid or disposable, they just may not be the person you're with 10 years from now. Relationships not bounded by expecting marriage, kids, long commitments and such are usually more able to grow, the partners may grow apart, but they could grow closer. We may just finally agree on something there, CB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReadyorNot Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Doesnt everyone compare someone new to the ex? I know I always did.... When I first met my husband, I wasnt sure about him because he was soooo different from my ex.... good and bad..... but he was alot of fun so I stuck with him and in no time I was thinking how awesome my new bf was and how I wouldnt be able to tolerate being with my ex. I think you just need to give the new girls a chance.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now