how do you become more well rounded?

[Double J]

Hey,

 

The reason I'm writing this is because i've become very self-conscious of certain deficiencies (for lack of a better word) in my development as an adult. I don't know if this is logical or not, but I feel that it may be attributed to the fact that my parents have been divorced since I was 3.

 

These are the deficiencies:

 

1. I am not a handy man by any means: Since my parents have been divorced since I was 3 (have lived in my mother's house my whole life, often visit my dad) there was never really a father figure around my house to teach me the ways of the handyman. Instead, my mother has stressed school and studying very rigorously, which has led me to being an A student. On the downside, I'm inept at doing even simple handywork around the house. Today a repair man came over my house and asked me if I could help him with certain things but I just wasn't able to help him (made me feel kind of dumb). I was never really taught how to do things and I know that my only alternative now is to ask and observe. But even at this point I feel I'm very behind.

 

2. Can't/have never cooked: When I tell you I've never boiled an egg or made coffee in my whole life, I'm not kidding. I was never taught how to do these things either, and I guess I didn't care to learn. I always preferred for others to do it for me.

 

3. No experience with babies: Another observation I've made about myself is that I don't find myself drawn to children at all. I see my two sisters going bonkers anytime someone brings a baby over, but it doesn't really catch my attention. My cousin has two baby daughters who everyone is always raving about, except me. I never really go over to see them - it just doesn't interest me. I think the reason I'm like this about babies is because I never really grew up around children. I was the youngest one in my family and never had a baby cousin or relative that made me gain an admiration for children.

 

4. No travel: I have never travelled on an airplane in my whole life. Again, I was never taken anywhere as a kid on a plane, and had my parents stayed together, perhaps I would have had a better chance of going on more vacations (via plane).

 

I am very self-conscious of these things. I really am not 100% sure whether or not this had to do with the divorce and me growing up differently than most other kids, if this implies that i'm introverted, etc. I know for a fact that I can't blame myself 100%.

 

Any feedback? Can anyone relate?

[melrich]

Well 1 and 2 are pretty easily fixed with experience. Start a hobby that requires work with your hands. Take some cooking lessons or buy a begginers cookbook and cook your way throught it.

 

Really it should not take you long to increase your proficiency in both areas.

 

Number 3? Women generally go more ga-ga over babies. As a father let me tell you that the bond with your baby is neither immediate nor instinctual. And I had no interest in babies whatsoever until I had my own. I wouldn't worry about that yet.

 

Number 4? I am a big advocate of travel. I do not know your circumstances but I would say go and backpack around the world now. Be a bum for a year or two because the older you get the harder it is to do and 2 years travelling will teach you far more and open your eyes much wider than 2 years at college.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hey double-j,

 

Like melrich, these are things that are easily fixed. Take a class in maintenance and cooking - fun *and* you meet people!

 

Babies - erm, that wouldn't bother me at all! Because of the change in family structures these days, a lot of people don't have experience of babies etc. I can say, hand on heart, that I don't know of anyone who would turn down a nice bloke because he wasn't experienced with children. Too much experience might be because he *had* children scattered around the place. Don't worry about that one.

 

Travel - well, where do you fancy going? Why not book a cheap flight and go somewhere (anywhere!) for a long weekend? Or drive somewhere you've never been before.

 

Anyway, my point is that these aren't big deals - BUT, what do YOU want to do with your life? If you were to sit down and make a list of all the things you would really like to achieve before Christmas, by this time next year, five years time etc, what would that list look like? It would be totally individual to you. What are the risks you'd like to take etc? And once you have an idea of what you would like to do, then start planning how to do it.

 

The things you've listed here, none of them are at all un-doable. Within minutes we could think how you could do these if you wanted. But it doesn't make you less of a person for not doing them either. Maybe you've also got slight issues with self-esteem?

 

Anyway, good luck - I always admire people who ponder about how to fulfil their potential!