Is this possible? (guys especially would help here)

[sunflowerEyes]

Sunflower - I can't help but thinking that for you to even consider this you must be very dependent on your relationship with him.

 

I'm not going to deny that I am pretty weak. Well, at least I was. As you said, it DOES make me sick. Extremely so! And for a long time I kept saying "I can't be without him, i just can't" but then i realized something that I had told so many other people. I have to think for myself. I CAN live without him.. i have to. I have to be my own person and live my own life.

I've read everyones advice and I'm greatful for the two different perspectives. I see what squarewheel is saying..it's exactly wat my guy is saying and i've always seen it, that's why I'm pretty willing to let him go and find out for himself what it is he's missing out there and what it is he had (me).

What I'm thinking of doing is just letting him go for now and see if he comes back. "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesnt, it was never yours to begin with" I know that's like THE most cliche thing ever, but, i actually believe it. If he DOES come back and say, "Hey, I was really stupid and I realized that I dont want anything else but you and am prepared for a serious relationship", I will definitely give him the time of day. Of COURSE i will follow batya's advice and just kind start over again.. find out if i'm at risk of anything i dont want contracting, and just date and ease into things. it's all a lot healthier and better off, so that we kind of get to know each other again, because obviously after something like this.. people change. BUT, until then.. I'll just take time to make myself a stronger person so as not to rely so much on ANY relationship. I wont wait forever, thats for sure, but i want to keep an open mind and an open heart. If i DO get over him , however.. his loss.

The one thing I'm afraid of is the fact that what I want may not be possible...

Do you guys think it is?

Could he be content enough after a while to come back?

Will whatever he experienced be enough at some point?

Is it possible? Or am i jst being way to idealistic?

 

thanks to all who have helped so far.. please continue to do so.

 

[SquareWheel]

Sunflowereyes, I hope I didn't sound discouraging there. Since it sounds like your guy is thinking similarly to the way I would, I'm trying to think of what would make me feel better about that situation, something I could suggest to you...

 

I think for the most part, her greater experience wouldn't really bother me; after all, I'd find an experienced woman much more exciting and fascinating than an inexperienced one. One thing for sure... if I felt she'd been wilder with her other partners than she was with me, that would be a big problem for me. So if she really cut loose with me, took me on a kind of whirlwind tour of things I'd missed... everything her personal limits would allow, that'd probably make me feel a lot better about my empty past.

 

I think that'd be my advice, based on my own feelings. If he hasn't had many partners, maybe you could sort of make up for that with a kind of crash course in sexual adventure. I'd bet he'd feel a lot better after a little of that. I know I would.

 

One thing I'd warn you about for sure. Don't ever let him think you've been wilder or more adventurous with other guys than you are with him. That'd crush him. Sometimes, when people find Mr./Ms. Right, they become settled and put their wild oats days behind them. Or, they tire of the exciting but "unsubstantial" fling partners and settle down with a nice, stable, comfortable person.

 

Sort of like having all their fun with the sports cars and finally trading them in for a nice, sensible minivan. No guy ever wants to be your minivan after you're finished having your fun with the Porsches. I recently read a post by a guy who found his girlfriend had been cheating on him when he found some indiscreet photos they'd taken together. But her cheating seemed to bother him less than the fact that she appeared to be doing much wilder things with the other guy than she ever had with him.

 

I'm positive your guy would be especially sensitive to that, even if we're talking about partners long past. I certainly would.

 

But I don't think I'd suggest just cutting him loose to keep searching. That sounds risky to me.

 

Anyway, that's my advice; that's what would do it for me. A crash course in life. It's a compromise, I'll admit, but if he really cares for you, and it sounds like he does, I'll bet it'd work.

 

Good luck!

[sunflowerEyes]

I see what you're saying but the problem is.. he IS my wildest partner... and he knows it. He knows most of wat ive done with him, i never would have tried before. The thing that bothers him most is that he lost his virginity to me... and i didnt to him..

 

??

 

[Batya33]

Could he be content enough after a while to come back?

Will whatever he experienced be enough at some point?

Is it possible? Or am i jst being way to idealistic?

 

 

Here's the thing - first, please please do not let him share details or ask for any if you ever talk to this jerk, I mean person, again. Yes it is possible that he will miss you so much that he will realize that he doesn't want to be with anyone else and will tell you what a silly mistake it was to even say what he said. There is also a chance he will be with one other person and realize the same thing. I would treat it as o-v-e-r for the sake of your sanity. Let him do his thing, you do yours and if he returns to you please don't make it easy for him to have you back as if nothing has happened.

[hammer]

This is really really confusing.

 

As I was always taught to look up to "expereinced" people as they have alot of things they can teach you and share with you.

 

Instead of seeking "others" for additional experience, it is amazing that books on "bettering yourself" not only in this way but in many other ways are availalbe at numerous book stores.

 

I purchase "self help /relationship" books all the time, as I was never given a manual on "life" when I moved away from home.

[BlueFire]

Very good said SquareWheel, you learn fast!

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[SquareWheel]

Thanks! The encouragement always does me good.