ex boyfriend vs. my guy friends

[missmebaby]

ok i need some opinions on this. does my ex have a right to be angry that i hang out with my guy friends and wherever i go out with my girl friends there are lots of guys around? my ex broke up with me 2 months ago because we were fighting constantly and he said he wanted to be single for awhile. well we are back to talking and hanging out and trying to work things out. anytime i go out with my friends he will ask me if there are guys there. whether im at a party or the bar or hanging out at a friend's house he will get very angry with me and say that its really messed up that i hang out with other guys. i dont try to get with them, or do anything with them or anything and ive told him this but he says its still wrong. i have a few guy friends that have an apartment together at college and me and some of my girl friends stayed there one night in a totally separate room from the guys and when my ex found out he had a fit. he said he didnt want to talk to me anymore and said it was all my fault because its wrong to stay at a guy's place whether u did anything with them or not.

 

ive also gone to play poker with a few guys and one of my girl friends and he got mad and yelled at me for that too. i mean my ex will go out to the bar with his friends or to a party where there are girls and i have never said a word about it or gotten mad. but he says its different because he doesnt talk to any girls and he doesnt stay the night at their house. (he would just lie about it if he did anyways.) this is an ongoing argument with us since we have been trying to get back together and he says its the main reason why hes not sure if he wants to get back together. i dont feel that i am doing anything wrong, i assure him that i dont want any other guy but he just wont listen. what am i supposed to do? stay at home any time my friends go out to a place where there are going to be guys? so i just need to know whether hes being ridiculous or whether i really should not be hanging out with other guys while trying to get back with my ex.

[DN]

if you really want to get back with him why would you do something you know makes him angry?

 

Time to decide what is more important to you.

[CarnelianButterfly]

He's your X for on thing so he has no say over anything in your life.

And the fact that he wants to restricted who you see is a big red flag. How can he expect that you are only allowed to have female friends. He sounds very insecure and should grow up.

You didn't do anything wrong, he's trying to control you so he's got you away from all other men so you don't see what jerk he is.

[Aurian]

1 - he's your ex. He wanted to be single. He has no right to get mad at you for spending time with a serious guy, much less guy friends.

 

2 - he sounds controlling. You're not "allowed" to go out with your girlfriends to places where guys might be around? Or allowed to have guy friends? What does he expect you to do? Stay inside all day?

[missmebaby]

well i had told my ex a couple days ago that i didnt think we should talk anymore because he wasnt trying to make it work and he would just ignore me when i was around or yell at me for going out with my friends. at first he seemed really upset about it and said he didnt want to stop talking and he kept calling me back. then he stopped calling and i started to regret saying that i didnt want to talk anymore so after a day of not talking i gave in and called him. at first he seemed happy i called but angry that i had wanted to stop talking...when we got off the phone i asked him if he still wanted to talk and he said yes. then last night he calls me and the conversation starts off friendly and everything seems ok. so i ask him if he still wants to talk and he says in what way? like as friends or to get back together? and i said "i dont know, i still want to get back together...do you" and he said "not really." i couldnt believe it. after he had called me and asked me a million times why i didnt want to talk to him anymore and gotten upset about it and then when i end up calling him he says he still wants to talk...now hes saying he doesnt want to and doesnt want to get back together. so i asked him why he doesnt want to get back together and he said because i talk to so many guys and theres just something about me that he doesnt trust me.

 

he always thinks im going behind his back or that i would cheat on him. and he said hes not trying to be mean or anything but while we werent talking he was kind of happier because there was no fighting and he didnt think about me as much or worry about me. he said that ever since i called him yesterday now hes back to worrying again and he says its just better when we dont talk. i told him that i know its because he doesnt care about me anymore or have feelings for me. he said its nothing like that at all. he said he does care about me, have feelings for me, and WANTS to be with me. but he doesnt think its a good idea because he cant trust me and because he thinks we're never going to stop fighting. he swears thats the only reason. i told him if he really cared about me and wanted to make this work that that was a really stupid reason to just give up because i never gave him a reason to not trust me, i never hung out with or talked to guys when we were together. i mean in the very beginning i did talk to other people, just as friends. both of us did, but we stopped doing that like 8 or 9 months ago but he keeps bringing that up instead of the fact that for the last 8 or 9 months that we were together i havent talked to a guy, or hung out with any guys.

 

if thats the only reason he doesnt want to get back together there HAS to be something i can do. i mean hes said this before and then changed his mind. even last night after he said all this stuff i was like "fine if u dont see what you have then thats your loss not mine. you dont see that you have a great girl right in front of you that loves you more than anyone ever could and would do anything for you but you never appreciated me. so im going to find someone that does appreciate me and loves me back." and he said "so you're going to find someone else?" and i said "yea, you dont want to be with me so im not gonna sit around and wait and hope you change your mind." and he said "ok well whats the point in talking then if you're just going to go find someone else?" and i was like "omg, you just said you didnt want to talk anymore because you didnt want to get back together." then he said "i dont know what i want." and that was the end of our conversation, he said he had to go and that he would talk to me sometime. im soo confused and frustrated. does anyone have any ideas of what he might be thinking or if theres a chance we might get back together? is he just saying this stuff about not wanting to be with me so he can get back at me for not wanting to talk to him anymore a couple days ago? i mean if me talking and hanging out with my guy friends and him having a bad feeling that he cant trust me is the only reason he doesnt want to be with me then there just has to be something i can do. help me out here pleaseee

[Iceman26]

It sounds like he may have met someone else due to his recent change in attitude.

 

For what it is worth, he had no business telling you what he was or wasn't cool with when he broke up with you. It really is none of his business.

[majord23]

missmebaby,

It's time for you to wake up to yourself girl. Your ex is playing you like a fiddle and you are allowing him to.

 

He is successfully making you feel guilty for things that you should not feel guilty for. He says that he wants to get back together, puts the onus on your behaviour as having to be 'acceptable' before he will consider it and then changes his mind when he feels like it.

 

You need to grow yourself a backbone and stop pandering to his tantrums. When you initiate NC - stick to it!! Ignore his phonecalls, texts etc. Do not cave in and resume contact - that has got you nowhere up to this point and it will continue to get you nowhere unless you change your behaviour.

 

It is abundantly clear that your ex has no intention of getting back together with you - I know that hurts to hear, but that is the crux of the matter.

He has listed excuse after excuse, and when things don't go his way he pulls the old 'guilt trip' on you and you lap it up. He seems to enjoy making you feel bad, which quite frankly is messed up.

 

He is immature and is palming repsonsibility for this mess onto you instead of taking responsibility himself and dealing with the consequences of his decision to end the relationship. He is a game-player.

 

You are waiting for someone to give you an answer as to how to 'get him back' without taking on board the posters who are telling you what is best for you - letting this jerk go.

 

What has changed in your situation over the past month? Nothing - because you have done nothing to make it change, you have continued doing the same thing over and over....is it any wonder the result remains the same?

[rmpavlock]

You can hang out with anyone you want to. He is your EX boyfriend. Even if he was your current boyfriend he shouldn't be telling you who you can and cannot hang out with. You're a grown girl. You can decide for yourself.