Mystical029 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Gumdrops: I'm sorry I could not answer your message as I am at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 hi everyone, i am starting to feel a bit crappy again as i am at home, with time to think.... plus i am not getting very much of this report done. cant focus. but do not worry, still no desire to email him, just cant stop thinking about the whole thing though. i wish that i had not emailed him back that very first time that he asked me to stop. or that i had've emailed him back saying something like 'sure, i understand'. god that would have made me look sooooo good.... i have been totally overboard from day 1. i really feel a fool. why did i let this happen? the second he backed off something should have clicked in my head to say 'he doesn't want you - so back off too and respect yourself'. man, a lady never should or would throw tantrums or demand conversations when rejected. am i stupid or what? i hate it, hate it, hate it. wish i could go back in time, i am so badly kicking myself for how i carried on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 OK OK, so you feel bad, that's understandable. It did seem as though you went overboard. BUT... what can you do about that now? Nothing. You can't turn back the clock, you can't change it, the only thing you can do is leave it be and do not repeat the behaviour in the future, right? So look AHEAD, don't look behind... and forgive yourself, we all act out of character from time to time, and when we are particularly emotionally taxed it's more likely to happen. So let it go, forgive yourself and move on. The more time you spend playing it over in your mind, the more time could be spend getting on with a great life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juliana Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I used to feel that way. And then I realized I had no respect for him anymore, so I didn't care what he thought of me. Sort of like undressing in front of your dog; you just don't care. You're doing great. Anytime you stop chasing someone is the right time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 i hear what you guys are saying. but i want to have the upper hand cos im so pissed off with whats happened and how ive let myself look... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 i hear what you guys are saying. but i want to have the upper hand cos im so pissed off with whats happened and how ive let myself look... The upper hand with who, though? This isn't about who is better. It's about you healing, letting go of the past and moving forward. It seem pointless to dwell on something you can't change. So you acted a little excessive. Next time you'll remember this and won't let it happen. We learn by our mistakes, don't we? Don't be too hard on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 yeah i know ur right.... im just going through an angry phase. i definitely won't be emailing him again though and i hope that really gets to him... eats him up inside even... so that when he is sleeping at night, he is rotting away inside his bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bethany Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 yeah i know ur right.... im just going through an angry phase. i definitely won't be emailing him again though and i hope that really gets to him... eats him up inside even... so that when he is sleeping at night, he is rotting away inside his bed. You know, it's that same burning anger that keeps you there. When you want revenge, you are fighting him and this stops forgiveness from happening, which in turn, affects your ability to move on. Forgive yourself for falling for him, forgive him for making you feel this way and let go.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 yeah i know ur right.... im just going through an angry phase. i definitely won't be emailing him again though and i hope that really gets to him... eats him up inside even... so that when he is sleeping at night, he is rotting away inside his bed. Try to remove yourself emotionally for a minute and think about this logically. He made a mistake making those comments to you- yes. He paid attention to you and you fell for him- but he is a married man. In the end, you also had a choice to walk away from someone in the very beginning who you knew was married- who you knew would not be able to give you the type of relationship you crave. You were not a completely passive victim- you had a choice in this too. And after all is said and done- he did the right thing- chose to remain faithful to his wife and his vows. You can't be too angry at him for that. He made a mistake paying attention to you, but you also made the same mistake by not saying "hey, go home and give that to your wife", and walking away. You reciprocated, and you knew he was attached. So in the end maybe you both need a little forgiveness, aye? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 hi hope, although i know you are probably right, it is difficult for me to see things so objectively. i had a crush on this guy for some time, maybe a couple of months or so, and before that i had really looked up to him as he is in a position of power. we had emailed each other constantly for nearly a week, during which time, i fell pretty deep. and the whole time i have been at work, i assumed he was single. it was only the first time that we sat down face to face that he told me he was married. yes, i should have walked away. but the shock and horror of his confession made it hard...it was like i needed him to help me work through it in my head. maybe the fact that i wasn't stronger and that i didnt walk away makes me less than an angel. but our relationship didn't become physical. and im proud to say that is mostly down to me. the first time he asked for a hug, i said a very blunt and clear 'no' to him. sure i regretted it big time afterwards, but had i have said yes, who knows where i would be now. perhaps he never would have had the strength to walk away after knowing how it felt to be closer. when all is said and done, he was the stronger one. yes i agree. i was weaker as i was not the one to have made the decision which meant that i lost control and practically begged to continue contact. and this is what i regret the most. yes i have learned from it. there is no way i want to feel this way again and so i will try to think before i act in the future when it comes to men. i am just so upset that if i do see him again, i will feel like the stupid one, the one that should be embarrased of my behaviour. ultimately he was much more mature as he let his head rule his actions, preventing him from acting like the fool that i did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 hi guys, can you believe i have spent most of today feeling sorry for myself? its so pathetic, i know. but i cant seem to shake if off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juliana Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Oh, I think you deserve to let yourself hurt for awhile, and not judge yourself for it. I remember how you didn't know he was married when you started to have feelings -- doesn't wear a ring, doesn't talk about it, didn't tell you. I wish you'd stop praising him for his bs. You still have stars in your eyes. He's not stronger, okay? He's just horrifically, horrifically selfish. Selfish. Not strong. Everything is about what works for him. If you'd let him, yes, he would've have taken advantage of you physically. Definitely, he wanted the option. He wanted to be able to reject you. Some part of you knows this, all this, about him, and it reared up and said "No" loud and clear when he went for more than you could stand. You need to trust that part of you, realize that you have been protecting yourself, and chalk this up to a learning experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 I think they both made mistakes.... and rather than pointing fingers at one another about who was "worse" and who was "stronger and more moral", which really doesn't help and only prolongs this, Female could chalk it up to an error in judgement on both their parts, let it go and move on. If you look back on it, yes, there are things that both of them did that should not have been done- he did things that were wrong, and so did she. But it's done- it's over, he is with his wife, and Female is free to move on and find someone who can give her the type of relationship she deserves. So let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 thank you to both hope and juliana i think you are both right in your own ways. right now though, i just cannot stop wondering what he must be thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Female - What are you doing today, Sweetie? You have the right to feel down. But Please Please find something to keep yourself busy tody!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 still working on that damn report which means i am in front of the computer..... i feel awful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 just focus on being productive for the next few hours. tell yourself you can have a good cry later, but for the next 3-4 hours, tell your brain it is all about work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 When is the report due? Can you take a break and go get a coffee or something? Change things up a bit. If you are feeling like you're beating your head against the wall feeling awful, get up - take a short walk or get some coffee and come back to it. I think you will feel much better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 report was due yesterday!!!!! have to get it done today! going to try and focus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Are they in the office waiting for it Sweetie??? How much more do you have to go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 lol.... no they are not.... but even if it been handed in yesterday, it was still 2 days late! i have quite a bit to go actually.... ive had 3 weeks to do it, but of course the last 3 weeks have been pure mental hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 ok, just get the work done. I know that you have been suffering a lot over this man, but he is not worth losing your job over. sign off enotalone, and go full steam ahead on your work. when I need to write something, I go where there will be no distractions, no internet, I just go with lined paper to library, no wireless internet connection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 just had my dinner, about to get back into my work. i just went through my sent box and counted up all the unanswered emails since the last 44 days.... i have sent a total of 24!!!!!! bloody hell... i was shocked when i realised how much it has been. that means that i was emailing him almost every 2 days on average, and getting ignored!!!! no wonder he totally avoided me and acted like i had some kind of disease!.... thats crazy. it really helps me to see what i was doing now that i have counted them up! the good news is that since starting this thread i have only emailed him 4 of those 24 times i.e in the last 2 weeks i have emailed him an average of about every 4 days. an improvement.. really puts in into perspective for me. what a psycho i have been. anyway, back to the present... i am now on day 3 of no contact. and this time i am totally going to thrash my record of 7 days!!!! bring it on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 yikes!!!! 24 unreturned e-mails. that is quite a message right there. as they say, "no answer IS your answer." anyways, I am glad you are recommitting yourself to NC. I hope your project is coming along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
female1981 Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 start of day 4, NC!! if we think about this mathematically i have made it to the 'average' no. of days without contact since starting this thread... need to surpass it now........! lol... you must all think im crazy!!! report still not finished... MUST get it done today..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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