Should I visit him at work?

[laboheme]

Life is just giving us lemons, and they rot before we can make lemonade...And right now I think this is my only chance to actually catch and squeeze one...

 

Bad news: I didn't get to see him before class. More bad news: he's still sick, sleep deprived, swamped with homework, and has to spend entirely too much time at work (his coworkers decided to take some time off, which means that he and one other person are splitting all the hours). Even more bad news: his afternoon class actually met today (sometimes it doesn't), so we couldn't see each other in the middle of the day. Bad news continued: our work schedules are polar opposites, so even if we tried to make plans, they would fail. An extension of bad news: because he was so exhausted today, it was hard to tell if he really wanted to be talking to me (but he did anyway on our way from class).

 

Good news: he at least cared enough to warn me so that I don't have a cow when I don't see him there (sent me a text message in the morning). And bonus: he told me when he's working.

 

Idea: I'm tempted to drop by his workplace (also my old workplace) tomorrow just to pass the time, like I (and just about every other employee) used to before we started dating. They rarely ever get customers on weekdays, so I know it's not a problem...we used to hang out there for hours on end. It's probably going to be my only chance to have a conversation with him outside of class for a while, at least until we get together to study and possibly watch a movie, but with our schedules, who knows when that's going to happen?

 

Advantages: I'll be keeping him company during a boring shift (and possibly preventing him from falling asleep, haha), we'll have a semi-private setting where we can goof off (as opposed to class), a place that's special to both of us, things to distract us in case the conversation gets awkward, and a very large span of time. Also, since he's stuck there and I'm just visiting, I'll be in control of the timing -- so I can leave on a happy note and "leave him wanting more." Shallow bonus: I can actually show up looking cuter (heels and such, which aren't very practical in class).

 

One problem: I don't know if he'll want to see me. He did tell me he was working...but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants me to show up. Ideas?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe call him before he goes to work and ask if he'd mind you showed up to keep him company.

[Ms. Babydoll]

I agree, call first, at least then he won't be so surprised or possibly put out when he sees you

[annie24]

why do you want to hang out with your ex?

 

and I agree with the others - call first. otherwise, he may think you are stalking!

[laboheme]

Can't believe I didn't think of calling. Haha. Good thing you people have this something called "common sense." Thanks

 

I doubt he'd think I'm stalking, since he did tell me his schedule...A little while ago he told me that if he didn't want to see me, he wouldn't tell me where he is -- but of course, his thinking may have changed over the last 10 days.

 

And I want to hang out with him because he's...well...a great person. Yes, he dumped me, but the breakup was because of my temper...and I've been working on myself since then. I do realize that we may not get back together, but given that I'm not looking for a relationship with a new person anytime soon (for many reasons) and am happy with other aspects of my life, I don't feel hanging out with the ex is holding me back from anything...

[laboheme]

I did end up visiting him at work. He's still not feeling well, so everything was a little more awkward than it would've been otherwise. We got plenty of alone time and it was uncomfortable at first, neither one of us was saying much. Being the blunt person that I am, I asked him if he didn't want me there -- he responded that he did nothing to give me that idea and told me to stop being silly. After a while, our conversation picked up...Here's a more serious part of it, feel free to read and laugh:

 

Him: So I might live with ___ next year...

Me: And to think that you and I were supposed to live together this year. I guess I should start looking for a roommate too, in case you and me...

Him: Probably a smart idea.

Me: *holding back tears* So you mean to say we have no chance of getting that close again?

Him: I didn't say that at all. It's just that expecting to live together next year is hoping for a lot.

Me: You mean I shouldn't hope at all. Pessimist. *pout*

Him: I didn't say that either...and I'm not being pessimistic! It _is_ hoping for a lot, but that doesn't mean things can't happen. And...weren't you planning to go abroad next year?

Me: I was...but I changed my mind.

Him: *surprised* When?

Me: Right around April or so...

Him: I don't believe you. You kept on talking about it as though you were set on going...I never would've thought.

Me: There are a lot of things that I changed my mind about...

Him: And you were hiding that fact?

Me: Yes. Mostly from myself. And anyway, how would have you reacted if I told you that I _actually_wanted_ to go to ___ together?

Him: I would've been...happy...

 

I didn't go into detail about what most of those things were...if we ever do get close again (fingers crossed), he'll find out. The rest of the night was a little more lighthearted -- I was silly and convinced him to let me go get food for us...The conversation leading up to that was just like old times, before we started dating. The memories made me really happy, and I ended up grinning like a fool, which he picked up on and was smiling himself. It's been a while since I've seen his smile...

 

We're meeting up for lunch tomorrow...wonder how that will go.

[annie24]

i think you should find a new roommate, don't live with him next year, and just go with the flow. if you two are meant to be together, it will happen. you can always move in together later. and go to counseling to work on your anger issues!

[laboheme]

Thanks, annie24. I definitely won't live with him next year -- unless we get back together really soon so that we have the time to slowly and successfully rebuild our relationship to the point of wanting to share an apartment. And counting on both of those things is hoping for a lot, like he said.

 

Counseling is definitely happening, I won't be able to have a good relationship with anyone unless I modify my behavior!

[laboheme]

Aaaargh! Why does he still have to be sick? We were supposed to have lunch together, but when I called him to see if we were still meeting up, he was on his way home to get some medication for his migraine and possibly a nap before he has to come back for another class. He said that I can come over if I want and watch a movie with him...but as luck would have it, I didn't drive to class today and thus had no way of getting to his house

 

I'm improving though and really monitoring my anger...As tempting as it was to take up an acid tone and say "Oh, I see how much lunch mattered to you, why did we even bother to make plans?"...instead I sounded a little sad and told him I hoped he got some rest and felt better...It definitely took some effort even though it's such a small thing...but gotta start somewhere, huh? I like to think that he was surprised I didn't get mad...

[redandblack]

I think you need to let him do his own thing a little more than you are. Try to make some friends on your own to hang out with. He might get turned off/pushed away if you keep trying to hang out when he is unavailable. You need to regain your independence before this relationship can truly work out.

 

It's a good thing that you're not going to live with him. It will give you two the space you need.

 

Also, as for the lunch thing: he was sick! People break plans every now and then. People get sick and people forget. It's nothing to get mad over. Your apology didn't seem genuine to me. It seemed like more of a way to try to show him that you're 'over' your temper problem instead of actually BEING over your anger. I think the anger issues are more deep rooted than just a simple 'turn it off' thing. Think about why you get mad over small things at the most basic level. Is it because you don't think about the other person and account for their feelings as much? However, it's good that you didn't explode on him, and yes, I suppose you must start somewhere. You need to realize that changign habits is a long process and takes a lot of altered actions to smooth things over. Sorry if some of this sounds harsh.

 

In conclusion, I think putting too much pressure on this will end up being a bad thing. Establish a healthy friendship and the two of you will grow closer, naturally.

[laboheme]

Having a tough day...

 

This morning before class he texted me and said that he was throwing up again...Great. The boy needs to take care of himself...so I texted him back saying just that. In a little while, he texted again, saying that he'll be okay....and a couple of hours later announcing that he's fine. That was the only good thing. That and the fact that he poked me on facebook.

 

Of course, the fact that he was sick meant we didn't get to see each other...And while I'm still on his myspace top 8, it's now 5th place instead of 3rd...Why doesn't he just delete me and get it over with? We have no solid plans for anything like we did at the beginning of the semester...And it's just so tough to realize that I'm no longer important to him. It's only fair, I guess, since last semester I put work before everything else and I know that hurt him a lot, he felt like I didn't care...But even after the breakup, he called me a few times...suggested watching a movie together...wanted to give me hugs and make me smile, and I felt like we might have a chance, like he still cared about me. But since then...

 

I want to see him more than anything else in the world, like at his house with a movie playing -- contact in class is no good, both of us tend to be rather...grumpy in class. And I just want to do something FUN with him so that I won't be tempted to talk about the past. But since so many plans fell through already, I'm not willing to suggest anything again for fear of getting shot down. In the past couple of weeks whenever I mentioned a movie, he was willing to do it (in fact, last Thursday he assumed that I was going to come over in the afternoon), but as soon as we tried to set a time, we realized nothing would work because of our schedules...I'm hoping and praying that one of these days he'll just randomly bring it up and ask me if I'm available...but I doubt that's going to happen. And I doubt that I'll be available when he is...

 

I really miss him...

[redandblack]

I think you need to hope for the best, but expect the worst. The whole going down from 3 to 5 isn't a huge deal (it's just stupid internet stuff, right?) but it's sort of symbolic of your new status. I think you really need to take a break from this and concentrate on yourself. I think 'getting back together' can only work AFTER both parties are over the whole breakup and decide it is worth reuniting.