Help me to decide

[Ipso Fracto Man]

Who decides where to go on a given night? Nice people alternate.

 

Who most often gets their way? Nice people try to strike a balance.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Well, if someone told a woman, it would not work. But how does she react when she does not know? In my case, I've seen nothing in the way of negative reactions.

I find this equivalent to saying "If I cheat and she doesn't know, then there's nothing wrong with it". You are willfully doing something to her that you know she wouldn't like if she knew about it. Its trickery and dishonest, there is no care or respect in that.

[Beec]

I find this equivalent to saying "If I cheat and she doesn't know, then there's nothing wrong with it". You are willfully doing something to her that you know she wouldn't like if she knew about it. Its trickery and dishonest, there is no care or respect in that.

 

I could not disagree more.

 

What is so dishonest about not giving someone your attention for a fifteen minutes?

 

And frankly, she knows. She's heard me comment on it when I see it done.

[Bethany]

I think your being a bit unfair to Beec. Whether you agree with it or not, most people manipulate. It may be to have better relationships but it is still manipulation. In fact a lot of people have even bought books to become experts at it!.. The Rules, Men Love B*tches, Catch Him and Keep Him, to name but a few.

 

NC is also used to manipulate, yet most of the site in the beginning do it in an attempt to bring back their ex's rather than heal themselves.

 

There are many levels of manipulation and of course there will always be extremes such as emotional blackmail, and verbal/ mental abuse, but I don't see anywhere in what that Beec has said that he is using either of those or condoning use of them, but rather he is TRYING to get accross that a little help CAN go along way.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

I've never turned to books of questionable efficacy or mind games to find love, I don't like b_____s, I don't think love is war and I adamantly oppose using NC or any other unnatural maneuvering in order to influence a person's thinking.

 

Hey, whatever weapons Beec wants to use in his power struggles is fine. It affects me nil. I'm just representing the counterpoint for the benefit of the OP.

[Momene]

I think the truth is somewhat in between the extremes you all describe. In a PERFECT relationship there are no power struggles but in a good one, there still are some. However much we love our partner, it is necessary for you both to set and respect boundaries and sometimes the boundaries need to be renegotiated as life itself changes.

[Beec]

I've never turned to books of questionable efficacy or mind games to find love, I don't like b_____s, I don't think love is war and I adamantly oppose using NC or any other unnatural maneuvering in order to influence a person's thinking.

 

Hey, whatever weapons Beec wants to use in his power struggles is fine. It affects me nil. I'm just representing the counterpoint for the benefit of the OP.

 

And just how successful have you been in your love life?