He is my ex, and I will always love him

[BleedingSadness]

So, I had loved this guy like no other. And I gave my virginity to him, which obviously meant that he was VERY important to me considering the fact I was one of those girls who was like "I will NEVER have sex until I am married or completely in love"...well, apparently I was in love. And he was in love with me too, I could tell.

My parents found out about us having sex and forced me to break it off with him. I told him and he said "I still want to be with you and we will work through this. we will find a way and I will wait for you" i tought it was totally sweet, but totally unfair to him. We tried it for a little while. But, my parents kept such close tabs on me there was no possbile way I would have been allowed to see him, so 3 months later I broke it off with him because I had no choice.

for 8 months I tried to convince myself that I hated him, that I didn't love him and never wanted to see him or talk to him again. And I never did see or talk to him again....but, 8 months after out break up, I saw him. I saw him in my town...(we lived in different towns so it would be VERY unlikley that he would have been there...in the place we met none the less) The MOMENT I saw him again, everything I had ever felt for him all came rushing back like a flood that couldn't be stopped. I went over and talked to him for 3 hours. We planned to hang out with next day, and did so. I told him I still loved him and confessed everything to him. He said he understood why I had to to what I did and forgave me. He told me he still cared about me but he didn't know if love existed anymore because of me because I broke his heart...but he wanted to hang out with me and be my friend first and see where things lead from there because he wasn't ready for a relationship.

We have been hanging out a lot for the past 2 weeks and he told a mutual friend "I love hanging out with her, she is really cool. And I like her a lot, and someday we will probably go back out, but I am still not ready for a relationship". I understand him, but it still hurts.

Its just that, everytime he is with him, I feel GREAT! I feel like I KNOW he does really care about me...but when he is away from me, I feel like there is not a chance in hell he cares anything about me. I don't know what to do...or how he feels even though he says it...I just want to be with him! what should I do/feel?

For anyone who read all that, I appreciate it...i know it was long...sorry!

[Seraph]

Unfortunate circumstances, truly. But at least he understands what happened. You understand why he's not ready for a relationship. You were hurt, he was hurt. He's probably not quite ready to lose his heart again.

You should feel how you feel. There isn't really a textbook "You should now feel happy!"-type answer. Feelings just exist. Do..well that's a different story. Are your parent's still prohibiting the relationship?

If yes. Then take it day by day. Try to think of him just as a friend, because you don't want to get hurt either. It still hurts, I totally agree. But you've told him how you really feel. That's impressive in and of itself. He's looking out for his own feelings. You should do the same.

 

Communication is key. And it looks like you have that area down pat.

Best of luck!

[Gilgamesh]

Hi Bleedingsadness

 

I agree with Seraph, you need to take it slow, hang out with him when you can, let him get his confidence up.

 

He must have been very hurt from the break up, and his initial reaction is normal, its a defense mechanism, dont pressure him and take it real slow.

 

If your still under the authority of your parents, this could be another factor for his fear, he doesnt want to be put through that same experience again, and may fear another repeat.

 

Another thing that came to my attention, after you broke up with him, you mentioned that you started looking for reasons to hate him and tried to convince yourself that you didnt love him.

 

thats very interesting because this is exactly what i have told many in these forums that have been astounded and perplexed over how their Exs have treated them after their breakups, even when they didnt do anything wrong.

 

You felt guilty for the way you treated this man, and found it necessary to convince yourself you didnt love him and that you hated him, to make it easier on yourself to move on. Understand that this is normal, and dont feel bad about it now. we humans have weird ways of protecting ourselfs from emotional hurt.

 

 

But i have to ask, did you in that period make any statements or tell anyone hateful things about him? because if he heard any of that, that would leave different kinds of scars on him. and you may need to clear that up for him, so he understands that it was because of your grieving/healing process at the time. Dont bring this up, if he didnt know anything about all that.

 

Again, take it slow, he will learn to trust over time, dont be impatient.

 

good luck