This was probably coming

[sashagirl]

It would be much easier to break up with this guy if I could just see things from the outside. We have dated for three years. We thought we were in love, and we really thought we were meant for each other. He was a musician, but that isn't working out and now he is a waiter and a drum tech for one of his friends- hence he never had much money. He borrowed from me several times, and never paid me back. It totalled about $500. We would break up about every 4 months because he was going through a period of reinventing himself and he didn't want a girlfriend. He drinks everyday and even said some pretty rude things like that I was the cause of his drinking. I never did anything to him except probably drink with him sometimes and never make him take responsiblity for himself. I wouldn't let our relationship die. Now, after a period of waiting for him for 2 months while he was in jail for a DWI, we live together in my apartment. He has now borrowed another $600 from me, this includes the rent he did not pay last month. He is nocturnal and I have to get up to go to nursing school, so we pass each other more than we spend time together. I guess the reason I stay with him is because otherwise he is sweet and funny. I don't think he realizes that these things he does are that out of the ordinary. We fight over who did what wrong. I want so badly to have hope in him, but I finally am breaking it off. I so badly want to tell him that we'll give it another shot, but I know better. I am so afraid I will though! I think I am afraid to be alone after all this time we spent together. What is wrong with me? Why can't I move on?

 

[ --- addition from next post --- ]

I want to give the guy a bit of credit. He really is a nice person, he just gets kind of anxious and I think that's why he can be a loser. I just say this in his defense. He has a lot of friends, most of them see his patterns and let them go. I don't know why he won't just grow up if he loves me so much. Oh I could ramble forever....

[Seraph]

You've been with this fellow for a while now. It shouldn't be strange for you to feel alot of attachment to him. If would be strange if you didn't care at all...so you're normal don't worry about it.

I don't have a omnipresent view of your situation, or your boyfriend, but I don't think he's helping you much. I realize that you feel he is very sweet, funny... all the qualities that first attracted you to him. But, his tab is piling up. He should start to realize what kind of hassle he's putting you through day after day. Blaming you for his drinking?! Are you kidding me?!

I definitely think it's the right decision to break it off. Once again, it should feel tough. You should feel attached. But remember, it's all for the better. Just wait till a few days after it's done. You'll know. And if you're still afraid of going back to him, just remember all those fights all those strange and frusterating times that you had to go through. You deserve someone a bit more caring and considerate.

 

However, I'm in no position to say anything about anyone. That's just what I think with regard to what information you gave me. I hope it makes you feel better.

 

Best of luck, sashagirl!

[angel_69_delight]

Well hello Sasha. I completely understand where you are coming from. I recently went through a very similar thing. I was with this great guy, everyone loved him including me. Unfortunately he had this other side, where it was pretty violent and pretty intense. He never hit me, but i was sure he was gonna. In the end I just had enough, I split up with him 3 weeks ago, it was hard as hell, but now I am great. I am back out with my friends and having a good time.

The reason that I am telling you all this is because you have got to be strong as well, this guy might be sweet and funny, but he is destroying you as well. Every time you argue you lose a bit of yourself, you may not even realise it is happening, but it is.

Since I split up with my guy I have since discovered that my mates were really worried about me, I was quieter than usual, and just not being myself at all.

All in all, I am a much happier person, although I still love him, and I always will, we are best off apart. He hasn't seen it yet, and is very upset, but one day he will realise that its true.

If your guy has any respect for you, he will respect your desision.

Take care and be happy

Angel xxxxxxx