Ipso Fracto Man Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 Illusion pond appearing still no ripples mar the surface yet fish move beneath Perspective crying to the moon wolf grieves for his missing pack tiger walks quiet Strategy rose does not travel smiling always at the sun bee will enter soon Misfortune spider is weaving perfect balance, perfect silk dragonfly tears holes Deviation fish takes dragonfly spider catches wayward bee wolf and tiger meet Enlightenment distant hillsides burn golden glow by dark of night haze and smoke by day Renewal the fallen droplet scattered on unyielding rock finds the sky again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 nice poem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRedQueen Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 Illusion pond appearing still no ripples mar the surface yet fish move beneath Perspective crying to the moon wolf grieves for his missing pack tiger walks quiet Strategy rose does not travel smiling always at the sun bee will enter soon Misfortune spider is weaving perfect balance, perfect silk dragonfly tears holes Deviation fish takes dragonfly spider catches wayward bee wolf and tiger meet [/i] This is where the poem should end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipso Fracto Man Posted September 23, 2006 Author Share Posted September 23, 2006 I see what you mean. I edited out a couple of stanzas, but I stopped too soon. The last two verses are extraneous, gratuitous and superfluous. They're also weird and ______ up. Thanks for the tip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spugly Fuglet Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 HUmm Ipso I like it a lot has lots a patten in it and form, This is very very good "distant hillsides burn golden glow by dark of night haze and smoke by day" I see what red means but you can go 3 ways keep it asis, do as RD says or I would add more, go with 3 blocks of 5, Strategy being end of block one. add to more to make block 1 and then 3 more to make block 3. Block one is Critters and life, Illusion to Deviation Block two Is nature and movment, Misfortune to ? Block three is The human condtion, ? to ? I would put one riming cuplet in each block in the same plased stanza. But thats me. So I my view is only half done not over done. But I really like it, grate idear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 great poem i loved it! Its totally unique and i like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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