Internal Politics.

[jilligirl]

Looks like you have every base covered, Luke. But what about this one . . .

 

Perhaps you SUBconsciously want the porn/escort/prostitute/whatever MORE than you want a positive emotional experience with a girl? And because of that (if that holds true), what if you are SUBconsciously setting yourself up for failure in the area of emotional experiences?

 

Ever think about getting this system patented? LOL

[Luke Skywalker]

Looks like you have every base covered, Luke. But what about this one . . .

 

Perhaps you SUBconsciously want the porn/escort/prostitute/whatever MORE than you want a positive emotional experience with a girl? And because of that (if that holds true), what if you are SUBconsciously setting yourself up for failure in the area of emotional experiences?

 

Ever think about getting this system patented? LOL

 

Not true. If I got a kiss from that particular subject girl it would have been enough to defeat the whole system in November. However, I got heart-broken when I found out she was with another guy so I could not pursue a date with her as I over-reacted, sent all sorts of crazy emails.

 

There could not be any subconscious factor there.

[Luke Skywalker]

I looked at a couple of adult videos today for the first time. To do it behind mom's back, and for a cheap price, I went to a video store that rented them out for like $ 5.00, and watched it on my laptop computer inside my office.

 

disappointing. Porn movies lack a good movie plot and mainly consists of convaluted sex scenes that are just unnatural. They were returned back right away. So this is the big taboo, that all my life I was worried that I would go off I rented it, all hell would break lose, I'd get into an accident, and lightening would strike from heaven. What a joke. Turns out, the movies themselves are no big deal.

 

The online sex personals ads have been released, but yet, that girl is still on my mind, and I have difficulty making this 'deflower-me' profile and executing it for some reason and cant put my finger on it. It's like it's not completely me this time, and I dont know what's holding me back.

 

Maybe I'll be more into it by tomorrow.

 

I feel tempted to write an email to this girl, especially since the profile is about her (without her name), and how I need a deflower from a random stranger because I get friendzoned all the time for being an honest and sincere person. I dont know. If I put strong issues on a profile like that, but I'm expressing myself, right? Nothing wrong with that, just not expressing myself to her I suppose.

 

Well, guess I'll always be confused - should never have meet this girl in the first place I suppose.

[Luke Skywalker]

Well, instead of going to rent any further Indian porn movie, I've desided that I'm finished with adult porn movies, and bargained myself to trade it off for this month for something else. Instead I've rented "Last American Virgin", "The New Guy" and "Euro-Road trip", all about adolescent guys adventures in high school trying to get laid or get popular with girls. I like these movies because I can identify with them, and they have more richer meaning rather than a cheap porn flick. At least I'll have some fictional company and have a good time identifying with the guys in these movies.

 

In terms of porn, I think I get a better high when I look at stuff on the internet, because I rather look at still pictures rather than movies. Types of 'erotic fascinations' include looking at differing skin pigmentation among ebony posers and the 'booty' or variant anatomical features (i.e. differing nipple structures), etc....

 

A letter was constructed on draft to that girl - the letter goes like this:

 

XYZ,

 

I have reflected on the fact that despite there was no mutual romantic/sexual connection that we still connected pleutonically, and at this time, I have decided that this may not necessarily be a bad thing.

 

So while I pursue other women for these type of things, like relationship or a deflower, online or offline then we can still be friends and I can tell you all about my adventures and misadventures.

 

I'll keep in contact and this time, we'll have something to really talk about.

 

MY Name.

 

Thinking of sending it later.

 

Well, it's within three sentences, but since it's Nov - thought I'd show it here. This is what a good dose of adult porn has done to my mind, or sexual expression has done to my head, now I have softened my position with this girl after this absorbtion.

 

Sure, an emotional connection is great with her, while I go elsewhere to relieve myself, and maybe brag to her about it. Hey, XYZ, we are friends, let me tell you about my adventures at the strip club, there was this gorgeous girl that really turned me on, etc.... yeah, right. (I've never been to a strip club, illustrative writing only here)

 

Anyway, happy reading.....

[Dako]

This should be in the blog forum.

[Luke Skywalker]

Dako;

 

I dont know, orginally I didn't intend for this to be a blog, but whatever I'm writing is related to the original premise of this thread.

 

Anyway, I watched the movie "Last American Virgin", and now I'm happy I dumped that girl out of my life because she would have just been another heart-break when that other guy comes back into her life while I would have been friendzoned and used with a look of heart-break through my eyes.

 

I identified with one of the teenage characters in the movie, and went through what he went through.

 

I'm glad I watched that movie, now there is no shadow of a doubt I will ever want to entertain another thought about that girl ever again, since she is like that actress there that broke the heart of the actor again. Cool. Let's see what I'll watch next --- party with Euro-trip, or new guy. Going to buy some popcorn and come back. yeah!

[Luke Skywalker]

Case in point on this thread:

 

 

Since December 3rd, I was attracted to a girl from the internet, and hung on to her until Sunday, December 17/06. The idea date for moving on would have been Tuesday, December 12/06, or Thursday, December 8/06 - when it appeared that she wavered.

 

Court is now in session.

 

Prosecution: Seeks the -10 mark allocated is changed to a +10 mark on girl.

Defense: Argues the -10 mark should remain on this girl.

 

arguments of prosecution:

- In accordance with the rules established on October 25th, part of the guidelines was to send three emails that are positive and constructive in nature. The point of contention is that the lady in question got turned off on an email, that while it remained in a three lined limit, it was not positive or constructive and the situation could have been handled differently.

 

The subject email sent was saying in effect: "if she didn't trust me, then no amount of email back and forth would make a difference", while an email was already sent asking for her cell number a day before.

 

Furthermore, if I simply just moved on and didn't send any messages to pursue her since last week, then there would be no cause of contention on the -10 mark.

 

arguments of defense:

 

- It appears that Luke Skywalker on the subject thread has learned a solid lesson from this and will likely just move on in the future if you review the last few of his posts on the thread and is not likely to repeat this type of behaviour with anyone prior to February 3/07. As this is a remedial internal type of system, it appears to be working properly, and there is nothing in the guidelines that word 'must', but rather 'should'.

 

Judgement rendered to keep -10 score on this girl, my own imaginary judge, jury and court for reference on February 3, 07.

[Dako]

Do you have these sort of exchanges?

 

Hey, I like your glasses. (really unique and creative frames)

Oh, thanks, I love these things.

They look great on you. Good choice.

Aw, you! Well, off to work..

Have a good one.

 

Internal dialog:

What a sweet lady. She really made my day.

Cool glasses.

 

The End.

[Luke Skywalker]

MOTION HEARD BEFORE MY IMAGINARY COURT OF JUSTICE WITHIN MY IMAGINARY MINISTRY OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF MY IMAGINARY STATE:

 

- Three emails have been received by the lady.

 

Prosecution: Emails should be opened up and read, even if it's likely to contain nasty data in response to a nasty email that may have been sent to her Saturday night, and possibly a follow up email Sunday morning. Have already got a (-10) registered, but somehow, I dont feel it's fair to let Luke off easy on this, he should have to face the consequences of his actions and read the emails this lady wrote, or the (-10) should be replaced with a (+10).

 

Defense: Luke has learned his lesson to move on with her, and if the letters are likely to contain nasty information, and is not likely to be progressive, then he should have the right to simply delete them, forget she ever exists, and just move on in life, and keep the (-10) score registered in her name. As other posters have said, she isn't interested, and Luke has learned enough to move on.

 

JUDGE: Ruling for prosecution this time. Emails must be read or there will be a (+10) score on file. Luke should be forced to deal with the consequences of his actions. There is approximately THREE DAYS, from the date of judgement to read and, if necessary, to reply (with proof-read if over 3 lines) to rogue letters that were sent Saturday evening and Sunday morning.

Each day one letter MUST be read within the three days, Monday, one letter, Tuesday, one letter, Wednesday, last letter.

[Luke Skywalker]

If anyone on here thinks I should read all of these letters, like RIGHT NOW, you can place your post it right here if you think I'm going to easy on myself by giving myself three days to read all three letters.

 

I posit that this lady has not gotten back to me in a timely fashion before, and I do not feel I'm in any obligation, other than my own suspense to read what she wrote, to read them all right away. So, I'll read them one letter tomorrow, one letter Tuesday and one letter Wednesday and reply in same.

[Luke Skywalker]

DAKO had commented that I should either:

- read all the emails now or delete them. My reply.

 

No, I enjoy suspence, and have even communicated with the lady that I'm going to be reading them within the respective framework.

 

Deleting them was already brought up in the courts by the Defence. The judge ignored the argument and is holding Luke accountable to actions if the (-10) score must remain. (speaking in third person)

 

Luke shouldn't have sent letters on Saturday night or Sunday morning as based on the subject thread, without enotalone board approval and/or comment, and since he already was spared from a (+10) score on that entry, he has to face the consequences to ensure that (+10) score doesn't come back. Has to learn not to write accusatory or nasty emails, and has to face the consequences - he cant be let off easy this time.

 

It's either reading the letters, or a (+10) score. A (+10) score is the worst possible case scenerio on something that really deserves a (-10) score.

[Luke Skywalker]

-10 Score on lastest prospect is now erased as she has consented on email to meet at a future date, and the original issue of contention is lifted.

 

No damages caused by sending accusatory and harsh email.

[Luke Skywalker]

Second Administration:

 

February 3rd Report - Net report of positive dating results, and positive experience with women I've meet from the internet. Compared to October 25th, 2006, when there was a strong net negative result, this has been mainly positive.

 

- Three women that I have meet online have resulted in a successful date with a kiss at the conclusion of the date.

- First kiss finally experienced.

- Second and third kiss also experienced.

- A girl I've meet online recently is taking an interest in seeing me again.

 

Since the theme of the Second Administration is to experience kissing, that has been fulfilled, and a positive result has been entered.

 

Myths that no woman wants to kiss me because I have the 'coodies' or there is a conspiracy have been formally and offically debunked.

 

February is going to be a normal month without any permission to legally view porn, go to buffets by myself, and I'm not going to go on any adult online dating site or look for any escort as that is not necessary as I can find sexual opportunity for free and also get to know someone.

 

Other differences in Second Administration was a greater sense of purpose resulting in following a newly created time-management schedule - which converted the Real-Estate operative into a 'job', given a nice sense of purpose, rather than feeling like I'm idling around the house, and I think that too is helpful for morale.

 

----------------------------

 

Next Reporting date for Third Administration shall be on March 3, 2007.

 

Goals on that Administration may be follow-up dates or having second dates, nothing in general further than spending time and/or isolation, etc.....

 

Kissing would still be a goal for further practise and an emphasis on practise would persist over finding someone for a relationship.

 

----------------------------

[Luke Skywalker]

Third Administration:

 

March 3rd Report - Net record of positive dating results. Did not meet any new person from the internet. However, went out with people from offline sources - two people from my Real-Estate office, and one person from church. I also went on a second date with one of the people I meet online, and it appears that we still have a dating rapport and will likely meet again.

 

Just to highlight:

 

- Last year I went to Buffet places by myself to try out different foods. Given the success of the prior administration, I decided to only try out different Buffet places if a girl accompanied me. This helped motivate me to ask out girls in my office with the end purpose of having a Buffet experience and it also strenghened bonds of friendship.

 

- Friendship is actually upheld here. That is following-up with, touching base, and maintaining friendships. There was no kissing involved or any serious touch rapport, but progression of trying to maintain a friendship base.

Taking women out one-on-one with the sole purpose of getting to know them, no games or any stuff involved.

 

There was no theme of the Third Administration or serious goal focus, other than going to Buffets with someone, which was an accomplishment in itself since I'm nervous asking women out to go anywhere with me in person and this provided an excuse to do so. Virtually almost all women I've interacted with has been nice and reasonable to me and I have no complaints.

 

March is going to be a month where it will remain illegal to view any porn or pursue any casual hook-up of any form, or make ads pursuing such on adult site venues, the buffet policy of asking a women out for accompaniment shall remain in full force, and will allow up more buffet allocations with existing or new people up to the end of March.

 

As with the Last Administration, there has been no idle time. Lots of time has been spent in Real-Estate, and that has helped give me a sense of purpose, and I feel happy in general.

 

----------------------------------

 

Next reporting date: October 25, 2007.

 

No definate goals for next reporting date.

 

Reading book on "Why I Kissed Dating Good-bye"

 

Apprecating the value of friendship and having good friends for now.

[Luke Skywalker]

This fourth administration is concluded as a real positive experience happened where I was french kissed with a girl for the first time in my life, and I feel a real connection.

 

On October 25th, next reporting date, this shall be included as evidence for consideration of the future on evaluating rejection again.

 

 

(see first few posts in this thread, or read through this thread if you dont understand what I just said).

[Luke Skywalker]

Post withdrawn as unnecessary to the continuity of this thread.

[Luke Skywalker]

When this thread was first created last year, I can not describe how messed up inside I was feeling. There is still a 'ghost' thread on this section somewhere about that same girl that's updated itself a few times this year, but for now, I think I'm primarily over her. I do not know what happened but right now in contrast to how I felt last year, I dont seem to feel anything now.

 

Well - as stated in prior posts, I experienced a french kiss with another girl (Nigarian Christian lady I was talking about on a couple of threads on the dating section) and had an experience of having some semblance of a relationship for the first time in my life. I'm going to list the positive experiences out of that relationship right here:

 

1) She treated me out for my birthday and kissed me there a couple of times.

 

2) At the conclusion of a movie on a parking-lot I experienced my first french kiss as she initiated it. Initially I thought it was gross but then felt a nice connection. She seemed clean smelling and all that - from that point, I fixed this sytem so there wouldn't be a repeat of another 'November' cycle this year.

 

3) We had a nice romantic moment sitting by a beach front in her town where she sat beside me, and went into this position where her legs were on top of mine while I held her on my left arm and french kissed her and relaxed as the wind was blowing and the waves were going. She was asking me if this is what I expected out of a relationship.

 

4) She had gone inside change-rooms with me to try out various clothes. We didn't go naked with her or anything so it was pretty clean, but she would tuck clothes on me so it would look properly and advice me on what looked good on me.

 

5) Finally, she took me on a little tour around her campus, and we sat down and she massaged my back while my shoulder and head went between her legs infront of her university campus.

 

The relationship took a turn for the worst because despite this string of romantic-intimtacy, there was not much of chemistry or connection and it all seemed rather technical because of it, and it appeared to have reached a denoument shortly after - as documented here, when she keep asking about my feelings, etc... and I sort of backed away - since then it appears to have spiraled downards.

 

Nevertheless I'm quite satisfied with the experience as it has exceeded my expectations and hopefully I'll have something positive to write about again on February 3, 2008.

 

My goals on what would make me happy to February 3rd, with respect to relationships/friendships is to find a partner where I can go a few places in the city with that are out of ordinary for me to go to and basically just have a nice time and I'm prepared to sign off on that if that goal is accomplished, and/or further intimate-romantic experiences.

 

There were very strong negative feelings last year arising from some rejection, to the point of becoming a cancerous passion, but right now, that's gone and looking at the big picture, things aren't as bad as I perhaps felt a year ago, on October 25/06 - and if I saw myself one year into the future - which is today's current date - perhaps I would have put that other girl in 'stride' as opposed to taking it as personal as I did, but hey, we cant see the future. I wonder what I'll write about on February 3rd.

[Miss Firecracker]

Luke, I wish you could just find a nice girl to go out with. This sounds so desperate.

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke, I wish you could just find a nice girl to go out with. This sounds so desperate.

 

Thanks, but only time will tell, it always seems to be that way. Update on February 3rd.

[Luke Skywalker]

The rules of the Fifth Administration are more stringer than before, but at seeking to develop a level of professionalism within my imaginary system, it's always seeking to improve itself and make itself more efficient.

 

For every 'registered effort' a name must be obtained and then some closing attempt (i.e. contact exchange, etc...) then pursuing it in order for it to be a registered entry on the Green book rather than just a blanket evaluation like before.

 

Past success in online dating would appear to indicate that rather than making an overall negative evaluation for people who do not reply back to my initiating mails on an individual basis, the system is more bent on evaluating losing attraction / love as opposed to building it - thus more work has to be done to put up a valid entry on the book since there would be less entries of such.

 

The book itself is 'ego-less'. That means there is no ego on it. It doesn't have to be the case that I'm attracting lots of mails or lots of women, it puts more of a focus on judging an individual where there is a connection and wishes to analyze it, etc....

 

In my past experience, I have gotten at least three dates and much more than three connections from people when I made an effort to find someone online, so I'm just going to have to ignore the probable negative experiences that come out in that respect and just focus on the people who reply back and evaluate things from there.

 

There are these following sources of meeting women:

 

1) Church.

2) Online dating sites.

3) Possibly networking online sites.

4) In public.

5) Work.

6) Small social group.

 

Each of these sources are evaluated once at least three registered entries are obtained and then the average of those three or more scores on the entries.

 

As it's completely voluntary, it's possible that no effort may be expended up until February 3 - and the system just re-sets itself to put another date. Games, strategy skills and stuff are not much of a function on the green book since it's just monitors and evaluations interactions, nothing more and nothing less - but I have to go out there, take the emotional risk of being ignored in order to have the priviledge of compiling scientific entries - yes, so I have to develop more tough skin, but so be it - after all, if I cant get a name or ask anyone out, there will be no entries.

 

It's unlikely anyone will understand this line of thought, so please dont reply to this post unless it's within the context of refining the rules already developing in here.

[Dako]

Seems very clear to me, Luke.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, here's what I've done, I"ve relaxed the rules on the internet 'names' part as long as there was a connection and a few replies and have some sort of name in my mind to reference them. thereforeeee, people that I have meet prior to October 25, 2007, could be included as entries on the Fifth Administration since there is one deliberate blind-spot - if I let a woman hang (i.e. stop communicating with her because of some defect on her part or lack of interest - and then after a period of time goes by, get desperate and start reconvening communications and she doesn't reply back or gets cold with me - then it's a valid negative entry but limited to a negative five as opposed to a negative ten since there is a partial contribution on my part to the negative score, but a negative score nonetheless since the disappointment on my end is quite real.)

 

Since the First Administration's problem was more based on a negative attitude coupled with nasty style emails or crash and burn dates from hell, not from letting women hang with these type of motivations, the Fifth Administration will allow negative scores and the potential negative collapse on the system as based on that premise since it didn't occur before and can remain as a lesson to be learned and not to be repeated in future administrations if all entries go bad on that type of behaviour.

 

There are currently now 9-10 entries that await evaluation, and hopefully more entries will be added.

[Luke Skywalker]

Thanks, but only time will tell, it always seems to be that way. Update on February 3rd.

 

As a judge of my imaginary court, I hereby order that an Adjournment of the scheduled trial for February 3rd, 2008 shall be postponed February 9th, 2008.

 

 

The cause for adjournment is as follows:

 

Since I'm not going to be here for the next two weeks, and February 3rd falls within that time, I will have to break the annual tradition of the imaginary court session being held on that date and set it for February 9th instead, but just for this year due to an unexpected family emergiency where I have to leave the country for two weeks. This may or may not set a future precedent that all future trial dates will be on February 9th instead of February 3rd in this ever evolving legal system. I guess that is to be decided in a future, future court.

 

However, be it known, The original spirit and conviction of this thread remains and the change of date doesn't reflect a slowing of any conviction or purpose or premise of the existence of this blog like thread that updates itself pretty much virtually once in a blue moon. This is an expression of the Green book that was talked about in threads on the Sex and Romance section.

[ilovepoemsalot]

I'm sort of the same.

 

When I'm going through, 'I give up, not one woman in the world is attracted to me phase' and just wallowing in self pity, I allow that as an excuse or reason to stock up on loads of porn.

 

It's as though otherwise, I feel a bit uncomfortable about getting a lot more porn since I have an okay amount already.

[Luke Skywalker]

to above poster:

 

I understand. I actually would sort of restrict porn usage, and provide access pass if I'm having a hard time with the ladies on specific fixed dates, one of which is around the corner. The reason for this, is supply and demand economics. If porn is readily available then it loses it's reward function or status. If it's restricted and used as a reward after a period of time of real efforts, then it is utilized as a reward value. Sort of like a carrot infront of a horse. Once you have too much access to it it defeats any useful purpose.

 

At other times where it is restricted and on a non-repressed month, breaches, known as strikes, may be tolerated, but usually that too is rigorously enforced by certain codes to ensure it doesn't seem like a free ride.

 

But that's just me, to each his own.

 

Going back to what I was saying before: (I'm on an internet cafe here in Trinidad and paying for usage here)

 

 

I'm still here baking in the hot Caribbean sun, and they are having a Carnivale here within a few days. I've decided to rephrase the term rejection score to non-cooperation score as a euphamism. Believed the average of scores between October 25th, 2007 to February 8th, 2008 will be between -1 to -2 allowing access to porn.

 

Since this is an inevitable score, I'm going to allow myself to video-tape carnival here. People are in half nude custumes and tend to 'wine and jam' (means they shake their booty and rub against anonymous strangers and dress up in great costumes). So, I'm allowing an interim ruling.

 

They also have this publication called 'Trini-girls' which is a porn paper featuring nude women on this island. Although I'm very interested in buying this paper, unfortunately, purchase of porn is not allowed as the score is not low enough to support that.

 

Reason for that particular score:

 

When I reject a girl because she's unappealing or have already got where I wanted the score is zero. On a range between - 10 to + 10, zeros tend to dilute any positive or negative average. Hence there is a weak negative score rather than a strong one, and thereforeeee not serious.

 

On the negative scores, I'm proposing a solution. I'm not going to disclose to any girl that I'm travelling away that I do not know well, where there is a serious level of rapport.

 

This is the only thing that I would have learned in this 'fifth administration' that I'd keep a note of for now. Nothing good seems to come out of such a disclosure because I usually don't get back 'have a nice trip' and then it falls through the crack from what I perceive is a bad sign.

 

On the future, a non-cooperation on such a disclosure wont be marked with a negative 10 score as in this case since it wont be encouraged to make.

 

That is all I can think of for now. putting a weak lesson to correspond with a weak score.

 

Will ratify this score average when I return home around Feb 8th, but if I'm wrong, then whatever, guess I cheated by taking these video shots of the carnival, big deal.