OMG my ex got arrested

[TheDoctor]

OH WOW, as I write this at 7 in the morning I'm still shocked.

 

Last night at about 8 pm my ex kept calling me and telling me she wanted to see me. I have pretty much done no contact for 6 days and she wsa saying how messed up that is and that the conditions when we broke up were that we see eachother and we stay friends. So I decided to go see her at her moms work ( which is 5 miles from me) and tell her once and for all I'm doing no contact 100%. ( My ex always believed if your man enough you'll do things face 2 face).

 

So I get to her moms work and she got dropped off by 1 of her guy 'friends' and she tells me her cars dead somewhere near the movie theatres and her moms bf is waiting to fix it. I tell her this is the 2nd time your car is dead in a week, stop driving it so much on a suspended license your asking for it. She tells me to stop mothering her and being her boss. She asks me why Im so jelous of who she hangs out with and what not I tell her shes just doing the wrong things in life and its a matter of time before they catch up.

 

Then she asked me if I wanted to have sex with her in one of the offices her mom works at ( this is at night and no one is there). I told her no, I dont wanna do this anymore and I'm tired of her problems being mine and Im tired of suffering over her. She told me to just go home and think things through and call her in a better mood. I shook my head and said not this time. So as I get in my car I just start crying ( first time in a while), because I realized the girl I still love with all my heart is headed for a brick wall and whats worst is she doesnt see it.

 

So I text her and tell her I cant do this anymore and I want NC. And I actually say in the text," I don't want to be there the day you fall apart, care too much to pretend like its not going to happen." Initially, she was cocky and texting me back and saying things like whatever you want pal and she said see ya in another life in 1 other text. Then 1 hour later she texts me, myspace messages, and calls me until 1 am and I still dont pick up. She kept begging me not to do this, that she loves me alot and this will torture her.

 

Well, I get a call 5 am and it's a voicemail from her mom saying," She got pulled over while she was following me home and she's going to jail now."

 

I can't believe it, shes going to jail and to my knowledge for over $6,000 worth of tickets. That may be like 3 months or more, ( maybe less I hope for her). Her mom asked me if I could help her return her college books for her, I said sure.

 

I cant believe it guys, she was going to college, all she had to do was not go out everynight...You can read my posts from a week ago and I was telling you guys ( and you guys agreed) shes on her way to the jailhous with the amount she drives.

 

I just dont know what to say....I cant believe it. I still love her alot, but this is proof to me why it needed to end. The question is, do I visit her in jail or leave her there to rot pretty much?

[Beec]

Ask her mother, really. And if she does any amount of time, then write her. Hopefully, she has hit bottom.

[rose2summer]

Hey TheDoctor,

 

You are a good man for caring so much for her,

 

But she is irresponsible to not have paid her tickets,

 

And that shows a great deal about her as a person,

 

She is out to benefit herself at the expense of others,

 

I would do as you promised, return the books,

 

And then move on as best as you can,

 

I wouldn't visit her in jail because she hasn't been nice to you to begin with,

 

Mean people don't get favors in my opinion,

 

Hope all works out well for you,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I think NC applies whether the person is in jail or not... She's there of her own doing...and it's not your responsibility to take care of her..

 

I don't know your full story...but you seem like a really decent person and you don't know need this kind of craziness in your life.

[RayKay]

Well, in my opinion you need to continue with NC. Her stupidity and irresponsibility does not negate the fact you need to move on and remove this toxicity from your life.

 

It's not like it was a surprise to her that she could get in trouble...she just chose to not do anything about it.

[coollady1957]

I think you should go ahead and help the mom return the books. Then I would NOT visit her in jail. Best I can tell she got herself into this situation.

 

If I were you I would continue to keep NC and move on with your life. If she has to serve several months in jail ,then so be it. Maybe this will be an eye opener for her and a way for her to finally get her act together.

 

Don't look at is as she is sitting there rotting. If she spend time there in jail then it is because she needs to be there to serve her time for her unpaid fines and is of her own doing.

 

Let her family take care of what needs she may have while in jail. Keep your life moving in a positive direction for your own sake and well being.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Help her Mom out, but don't see her. No contact means no contact, you knew she was headed for trouble, she just found it a lot sooner than you expected. This girl is no good for you, she would just drag you down and put you through hell.

[ImThatGirl]

I didn't read the prior posts. What was the reason for your break up? How long were the two of you together?

[jimthzz]

of it being your fault she got pulled over because she was following you home in her car.

 

Do 100% no contact. Be glad you stated that before she got arrested.

 

Let her dig herself out of this hole she's dug for herself.

 

Under no circumstances be silly enough to lend or give her money for any of her fines, bail, getting the car back, etc.

 

Move on and thank the stars you dodged it. Find a decent girl to date.

[gattsuga]

her 3 months in jail is good for you... she won't be able to contact you, and you can do NC in peace. maybe jail time will teach her there's consequences in life... good wake up call.

[Scout]

If she really does end up going to jail, I think a few visits would be a very kind gesture, and would have nothing to do with wanting to get back with her. It seems you two originally wanted to be friends. Well, if she ends up in jail, she's going to need a friend.

[TheDoctor]

Hi guys, thank you for the responses. The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways, just when I asked God how can I possibly find the strength to do no contact again the situation evolves into something where I can't contact even if I wanted to.

 

I agree with most of you guys, I should just continue the no contact. I can't imagine what a nightmare the next 2 months are going to be for her. I hope she finds the strength, her mom told me she was handling it fine so far but that doesn't mean anything. She just broke up with me, and now this will be the ending of her college career ( she just started community college because I got her into it and for it to end like this so soon in the semester after all the effort I know she probably just gave up on it). I hope she doesn't do anything foolish.

 

Most of you said I should no contact, and I will go with what you say. I may be emotional right now, but I'm not stupid. I can't imagine the hell she's going through, but I know she did everything physically possible to get arrested other than turn herself in because she drove 24/7. It was a matter of time.

[jimthzz]

and start over.

 

It is not a permanent leaving of school unless she makes it that.

[DN]

If she really does end up going to jail, I think a few visits would be a very kind gesture, and would have nothing to do with wanting to get back with her. It seems you two originally wanted to be friends. Well, if she ends up in jail, she's going to need a friend.

I agree with Scout. Compassion for people in trouble is rarely misplaced even if they have not been particularly kind to you. You don't have to show it as an ex-boyfriend - simply as one human being to another.

[TheDoctor]

I guess ill figure out the details of whats goin on first, I think this will keep her from going out all the time and force her to dwell on what happened.