Working through Relationship Anxiety - Stories and Advice

[Isaac1980]

Yes, Most of them suffering because of the anxiety and Phobias problems in their days to day life. I too the one among them. I have suffered a lot because of Anxiety and Phobias. Later I found a good way hypnosis from thoughtsbecomereality.co.uk which took me out from the Anxiety and Phobias problems. Now I am feeling good relaxation and improvement in my confidence and control.

[Joshb]

Ok i know this is an old thread but one i really relate to. Ive really just begun to understand i have this generalized anxiety in relationships. Thinking on it, all my past relationships after they got serious my anxiety and over analyzing started. I am now in a great relationship a long distance one mind you, and i can feel my anxiety and over thinking becoming stronger. I am truly afraid im gonna bring my relationship to an end if this doesnt stop.

 

As i mentioned i am in a long distance relationship, which im sure increases these sort of feelings. We been together 8 months and ive been fine for the most part up until bout month ago, and i feel its getting more intense. I am more of the expressive one, affectionate, how i was raised, where as she not as open and affectionate due to her upbringing. She has a hard time saying things , expressing her feelings. Ive been ok with this. Lately ive been getting the feeling of "i dont think she loves me" or " she doesnt care as much as i do". I told her reccently that i would like to hear things more often. Up until then she thought i just knew, ive been biting my tongue and trying to hide all these emotions and feelings i have.

 

Since i told her id like to hear it more, my insecurities really starting showing and i kept mis-interpreting things she was saying so she wanted to go...our first fall out really in this manner. Since then we still been talking, however, i feel that distanced her emotionally a bit. She hasnt been "saying" the same things, or somethign seems off. I dont know if this is just in my head or what. I hope things get back to normal. She said she would try to express herself more.

 

I just want beat this, enjoy what i have and enjoy my life, not look into everything she says and does. Its driving me crazy...all day. I need to put myself first.

 

Im in a transition period in life right now, im moving to her country in 5months, my best friend is moving to another country 2 days from now, and few other good friends have moved away. Feeling extra lonely now. I have been in same town for my whole life and want out. I work nights for past few years at a job i dont like and i think all this is bringing me down emotionally. Feel like nothing going on for me and im stuck here for next few months. I try to stay positive, but because of this i dont have much going on. I think this has increased my thoughts daily and dependence. Its a rough time.

 

I just started therapy for anxiety and im hoping this will help. I am not sure what else to do, but this needs to stop before it starts affecting my relationship. Why cant i just enjoy what i have and take what she says and does at face value. why do i have to doubt her love for me just because shes not as open as i am? this thing is a monster!

[red_sky_girl]

I don't know how old are you, but im like that too....especially when it comes to relationships...i want to know since the very beginning what's expecting me next you know? What's behind and what will do this relationship now...well i guess that we (especially women) worry to much about things in general and worring means fear lots of fear and dout...we start do dout anything even ourselves...at least this is what happens to me in certain situations and it has helped me a lot last years. I your new boyfrinend makes you feel anxios u just tell me how you feel and how you like things to be for you , explain to him about your fears and if he dosnt understand then move on with your life..if he does understand he will not be too pushy and plan things for the future , so you can be free of fear then.This is only my opinion its up to you then.

good luck and take care of yourself (we just dont take care at all sometimes at ourselves and this makes me feel bad sometimes when i realize it )

 

red

[KMEMN1]

So, has anyone successfully treated their relationship anxiety?

 

 

 

I am having "OMG, Do I love him? Do I love him enough? Is he right for me?" anxiety and it's getting worse and worse. It seems to be tied to my cycle, but it still doesn't really explain WHY I'm having it.

 

I've started therapy (have only had 1 appt. so far) and I hope that helps. My biggest fear though is that I'll realize I DON'T love him. I guess its good to come to that conclusion sooner rather than later, but still scary.

 

I'd love to hear some success stories.

[HayB1982]

I am similiar to you KMEMN1, It seems to be around my cycle time. I know deep down I love my boyfriend but the anxiety still flares up from time to time. Plus no matter how much I know it is just anxiety it still manages to get to me. I find talking to my parents and sister who also suffers from it helps me, they manage to bring me back down to earth lol.

[blue-eyes]

I realize this thread began a while ago, but it resounds with me. I was with my ex-boyfriend for 3 years and had a little girl with him. She is now 2 years and we broke up a year ago May 10. Or rather he told me he didn't love me or see me in his future and come to find out he was cheating on me. So....I've been through a lot. Had a traumatic childhood, have been cheated on 3 times, and my last boyfriend was sadistic and mentally abused me to the point where I didn't know my own thoughts anymore. About six months ago I met a wonderful man. He is the type of man that changed my feelings and view of the male species and gave me hope. From the first phone conversation I had with him I knew he was "the one". He is calm, grounded, honest, loyal. Like me he's been through a lot. The problem....well he's been in a custody battle for his two children for over a year now, his divorce can't be finalized until custody is set and it drives me crazy. When we are together I know that he loves me. He is affectionate and warm, but when we are apart I feel him withdraw and that plunges me into anxiety. We spend a lot of time apart, so, he can be with his children and well...to kind of slow down a relationship that moved way too fast. I hide my feelings most of the time, but they begin to build and then I explode saying all kinds of things I mean in the moment, but don't make sense later and he withdraws further. He has his own issues and seems very sensitive to criticism. Basically he can't deal with my emotional outbursts and probably thinks I'm crazy. I know he loves me...but I get anxious and so afraid he will leave me. Anxiety is not something new. So...I finally made a doctor's appointment and was perscribed celexa. I'm hoping that mellows me out and saves my relationship. Expressing anxiety pushes people away. That's a fact. I've been through too many relationships not to realized that. And I don't feel or act like myself when I'm anxious and essentially CRAZY. I think the medication will calm me down and bring me back to myself, because the constant worry and axiety is not who I am.

[shiraz]

hi there

 

i have only just found this site and these messages...i have never posted anything on one of these before, but the stories of people JUST LIKE ME made me do so. on the one hand it is a huge relief to know that it's not just me, but on the other makes me worry all the more that i might 'always' be like this as there doesn't seem to be any straightforward answers as to what to do about Relationship Anxiety. i have been sitting here (at work) crying reading these stories, alternating between these feelings of relief and despair.

 

most posts seem to be about the anxiety of whether your partner will go off/leave you, whereas the few that really resonated with me are the ones about what if i go off/hurt him/change my mind?? i have had one long term relationship in my early 20s, a guy that didn't treat me amazingly well and i was absolutely besotted with. until one day about 2 years into the relationship i literally just woke up one day and felt differently. in hindsight he wasn't right for me and i was justified in my feelings and in breaking up with him, but i had SUCH a bad time dealing with and getting over it. going through everything to thinking it was me with the problem (even wondering if i had got my sexuality right, something which does still sometimes come back when i am deep into anxiety).

 

ever since i have sabotaged every chance at a relationship i have ever had...they start off fine for a few days/weeks and then 'the fear' sets in and i gets worse as time goes on. i can't seem to get over it, so i ultimately either finish it before giving things a chance to progress.

 

i have been to counselling, meditation and mindfulness and, last year, hypnotherapy, and am always seeking reassurance from friends/family. all of these have helped me in various ways, but don't seem to last and i still can't seem to get past those initial hurdles and enter a happy and fulfilling relationship. up until now it has bothered me a but i have always got over it eventually (i know i can be happy on my own and don't 'need' anyone)...however, i have just met THE most amazing guy who i like, am attracted to and like spending time with. should be a no brainer, and i always thought when i met someone like him all my anxieties would 'go away', but i am pained to discover they're still there!!! i have only know him a couple of months, and have blown pretty hot and cold on him, poor guy, but he's persevered with me. last week i thought 'enough is enough, i just need to go for it or not'. i chose go for it as i do rather like him, and all was going quite well - i got myself into a positive frame of mind and was going with the flow, taking each day as it came, but today it's back again and is getting me down. i feel guilty about feeling this way when he is so sure about me, and so sweet and persevering.

 

i guess the ultimate questions is 'is it him that isn't right for me for some reason, or is it me and my anxiety???'. i think perhaps time will tell, but i also think i can see it going the same way as it has with others, and i don't want to do that this time. to him or to me.

 

i wonder if there is anyone out there that has found themself in a similar situation and persevered with perhaps attempting to change their negative thinking, etc. and got through it, or if i should let this poor guy go before and resolve myself to a life of being single???

[meatball75]

I am so happy I found this thread. It's great to hear that your partners, for the most part, support and encourage you. I am having a hard time with mine. We've only been dating for a month and a half, but we've moved very quickly. We've already said "i love you" and he's insisted that i meet his family. He's a lovely man - but he's very sensitive and he reacts badly to my anxiety. When i cry, which, admittedly, I'm doing a lot of, he feels responsible and moves away. even though I tell him it's anxiety and not him. I am going to see a counselor next week, and I told him I am taking care of this problem.

 

Does anyone else have advice for me about what to say to your SO when you're freaking out?

[Sorrento]

I am so glad I found this! Although in many ways I wish I had found it a few years ago. I always feel exactly like this - I used to put it down to me being a "thinker" and that I just "liked" to worry and overanalyse. The more I became aware that I was doing it, the more I would do it. The more people told me I was doing it, the more I would worry about worrying. I had a breakdown at the end of last year (triggered by a break up) which sent my anxiety into overdrive. The doctors put me on anti-anxiety medication and for a while they really helps. Eventually I came off them and began seeing a counsellor.

 

During this time, I got very close to my was-best friend (a guy). He really helped me to see that I was ok just as I was. I see, now that he is not in my life, that 1. I used him as an emotional crutch and 2. the reasons behind him not being in my life anymore are partly to do with my fear of abandonment. In the last month of us being in eachothers lives, I was completely PARANOID that he would walk away from me. The more I worried, the more I tried to articulate my worries to him. Which I probably shouldn;t have done. I am now left without him in my life and I can feel myself sinking back down to the bottom again.

 

I no longer see a counsellor (I felt that I wasn't making any progress and that by going, I was reinforcing my already out of control analysing). And I do not take any medication either. I really want to be able to conquer this before it ruins every single relationship I have. I lost two people who were so important to me because of this. I wish more than anything that I could correct this. Has anyone got any experience of being able to "reconnect" with friends and/or loved ones having destroyed the relationship due to anxiety?

 

If nothing else, I want to come out of this whole. I want to be the girl that I was before this all set off. I know I can do it. But I don't know where to begin

 

I have three books about helping myself - Fast Track to Happiness by Lynda Field (very helpful but doesn't deal with anxiety very much), Loving Yourself, Loving Another (a Relate book - deals with self esteem) and If This is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl G. Hindy (tough going, has a lot of case studies and I personally couldn't focus on it properly). Although these helped a little, I am still pretty much exactly as I was before my "discovery". I feel almost as if I am already drowning in worries, worrying about my worrying becomes insurmountable even though I know it's all part of the same problem!

 

Why is this so difficult?! Logically we all know the worrying does nothing but wreck things for us, and yet if I don;t worry, I worry that I am not worrying!

[Peonyrose]

I'm in a long-term relationship now, of 9 months, and have dealt with debilitating social and general anxiety.

 

I first worked on myself before ever even thinking about getting a boyfriend.

 

I worked on what made me feel happy, what triggered my anxiety, and what small steps could I take every day to reduce my anxiety WITHOUT avoiding it.

 

When I felt "okay" with being by myself, in relative discomfort with my anxiety, I felt confident.

 

Then I met my boyfriend. While I had been out of the dating scene for a while, I knew what I wanted out of a relationship: Honesty, Trust & Open Communication.

 

So I was honest with him. I told him about my anxiety when I felt comfortable talking about it. I made sure he knew this was a difficult area for me - and not something to be teased about.

 

We worked on getting our communication in sync with each other, developing that deep bond of trust - which we still cultivate to this day.

 

When things became overwhelming, I turned to a variety of modes: books, audio, videos.

 

I then turned to a therapist, to really hone my goals and what I needed to get better.

 

I went from being scared to go out of my house - to going to an unfamiliar city for a 4 day holiday with my boyfriend in 9 months.

 

YOU can do this.

 

YOU can have a great relationship - with YOURSELF and OTHERS.

[banega23]

Hi,

 

i suffer from anxiety and depression and recently lost my girlfriend as a result of questioning and doubting her interest in me. this caused me to become extremely insecure and resulted in me broadcasting my fears once too many times, which caused her to run for the hills. Women will not tolerate weakness in a man and i knew that, but anxiety caused my emotions to go haywire and i chased her away.

 

You live and learn, but i screwed up in a big way, but really as my thoughts escalated i completely lost control of myself. bad times. please try and get hold, particularly if youre a man, but also if youre a woman, or you will lose the best thing in your life very very quickly.

[lizzerman]

Hi everyone.

I've read this forum before, just coming back now to write a bit. I'm suffering from depression and anxiety. It is absolutely messing with my relationship. I think it has something to do with having to live at my parent's house for 6 months, ever since then I haven't felt the same as I used to. I thought I had overcome everything, atleast the best I could. And now that I've moved back out, (and in with my boyfriend) I feel like I can't get back to where I was, before. I started seeing a therapist. She told me i'm also having cognitive issues from a head injury I had last year. Last night my boyfriend told me he resents me and that I'm not the same girl he fell in love with. This morning he said he didn't mean it.... but, I dont know.

Maybe someone out there has some sort of similar situation ... please tell me how you overcame this. I'm so anxious and sad, and I'm hurting. I feel lost.

[lifeisgood93]

I just want to say how relieved I am to have read this thread...I have such bad relationship anxiety right now...we're about a month into it and things have gone serious fast. This has never happened to me before and I have the fear. I'm just glad to know that this is more common than I realized.

 

I'm on meds already for anxiety and depression...I also see a counselor. I just have to work on it. I mentioned how I worry about certain things to him last night and he said "don't worry"...so I have no need to do so. I just do. But anyway, thank you to the previous posters for addressing this problem I'm going through.

 

I felt the same way when I found this post. I am usually such a rational independent person but I met someone who I have a great connection with and it got serious fast and now I have anxiety too! Thank you fo ral of the posts for books and articles to help. The thinking cycle is the worst! When your mind just goes around and around and creates all sorts of negative thoughts. Thank you for sharing. I have hope that I can get through this now and without sabotaging a great relationsh

[napes22]

Like everyone else who found this thread, I'm extremely grateful to know that I'm not the only one experiencing the frustration of relationship anxiety. Like the previous poster, I am a very rational and level headed person, however relationships throw me for a loop. I actually know the source of my anxiety - when I was 19 there was nothing more than I wanted than a relationship, and I managed to meet a girl who I spent a year with. I gave it my all, and tried to be the most chivalrous, dedicated boyfriend ever. However, she was not as dedicated to the relationship and cheated on me, and took me for granted big time. What this caused in me is an inability to allow myself to just enjoy a relationship and be happy, because I am always waiting for it to blow up in my face or for the other person to lose interest. For me, it's a lot easier to deal with now that I know the source.

 

Like everyone else on the board, I obsess over the way the other person communicates with me (ie: when will she respond, is she going to say what I expected). It's all irrational, and as a rational person it drives me nuts. Something that's important to keep in mind is not to get anxious over the anxiety - which will only make it worse. Keep yourself busy on other activities during the anxiety, and don't let it dictate what you think your emotions are. It's not an easy process, I struggle with it daily. I'm two weeks dating a girl, and it is the first time I have actually been interested in someone in years (all due to the anxiety). As soon as I realized I was extremely interested in the girl, the relationship anxiety kicked in full force. What started off as obsessive thoughts about her no longer being interested, or me saying something wrong, turned into a generalized feeling of anxiety around the person. I talk to her every day, but find myself replying for the sake of replying and to keep things going, rather than enjoying her company and her conversation. A relationship should be a compliment to your every day life, but if you obsess over it the way we do, it becomes your life - interfering with work, other relationships, and your general well-being. Which is why my advice is to keep yourself focused, fight the ridiculous thoughts, and realize they are ridiculous. Let the relationship fit into your life, rather than you fitting into the relationship. Let it develop, and don't let your irrational thoughts fuel the way you think you are feeling.

 

Granted I still struggle with this daily, and even had a panic attack last night. It's an uphill climb, but hopefully all of us will be able to be in healthy supporting relationships one day. But as this forums has shown us, we are not a lone, and there is hope. Good luck to everyone, my heart goes out to all of you.

[adamhere]

So, first things first. I experience everything everybody else is experiencing in this thread. It ruined an engagement; it's best, because I moved too fast, but I moved fast cause I was anxious about losing her before I even deeply got to know her. I have also avoided/feared relationships my entire life. This was the first real intimate relationship I had, and it wasn't even that serious until I made it serious and ruined it in the process. First real relationship at 25 embarasses me, and I know that I need to change that perception of myself, because being embarassed by yourself is self-defeating. I am proud I finally jumped into a relationship, even though it ended roughly. How does that sound for a correction? I could go on and on about my weaknesses and insecurities, and we can all bond through them, and that helps. So, i guess this forum is helping us in that respect. knowing you are not alone is important in overcoming fears and anxieties. good website name, o creator of the website.

 

OK, so the real point of my posting is to bring us together to develop our own solution to our problems. we can keep posting our personal experiences, which need to be divulged to be overcome, AND we need to develop a system, a program, a method, advice, for ourselves, for others like us, to overcome this. Professional help is good, and expensive. Lots of us seem to be seeing professionals. Let's bring some stuff to the table, some worthwhile lessons and thoughts and viewpoints and routines and supplements and anything that might be valuable, to help ourselves, and to help others like us; none of us would wish what we experience on anyone, so let's conquer this together. we will help ourselves, and through the process help others with the same problem.

 

We MUST believe this can be overcome, that we can harness our anxieties, that we can change our thought processes, that we can retrain our brains, to overcome anxiety. If you don't believe you can improve yourself, leave now, don't look back, find a cave somewhere, and leave the rest of the world alone. Now those remaining, let's get to work.

 

I've got some ideas, and I'll post soon. I just wanted to get a ball rolling, for myself, and for us all.

 

And something we all could use a bit more of, especially us anxiety comrades, well, we should make a positive name for ourselves, is HUMOR. Speaking of, i'm gonna go take a big poo. be back tomorrow or so-ish.

[pinkelephant]

So, I went through something similar with my boyfriend just a few days back. I almost broke up with him but he talked sense into me. Then later, I found this:

 

 

It helped me. Hope it helps you too.

[lifeisgood93]

"about you being brave enough to give him plenty of space so that he can CHOOSE you, out of all the other women on the planet".

 

This excerpt is very telling. It takes courage to date and be in a relationship and it is a risk to give the other person the freedom to choose us but that is necessary in order to have the relationship we all want.....someone we choose who also chooses us.

[snorq]

Like others, glad to have found this thread.

 

The biggest curse of relationship anxiety for me has been its ability to twist my reality. As most of you have probably experienced, it filters my perception so that I either notice only bad things, I find some way to put a negative spin on good things, or I explode some minor thing into a big thing. And even though part of me, at the time, knows rationally that my beliefs are unfounded and likely inaccurate, it all still seems real. Constant stress and worrying. It's exhausting and unhealthy.

 

I can perhaps share some things that have more or less helped, though.

 

I've been suffering from this for almost 15 years. It's lasted that long, I think, because I've also been taking medication during that time. Now, the medication helps a lot and is necessary. The problem is that, until recently, the meds made me feel as if I could deal with these relationship issues on my own, without therapy. So, the handful of times I've experienced anxiety over the last decade or so, I'd give therapy a try -- but I'd also adjust my anti-anxiety medication, which eventually just made me drop the therapy as soon as I started feeling like I was ok. The result is that I just ended up ruining the few fledgling relationships that popped up during that time.

 

It's only been recently that I've started taking therapy seriously, and I have actually improved more in the past couple of months than during the whole last 15 years. That's partly because I decided not to adjust my medication again. Rather, I wanted to keep myself uncomfortable enough that I would take therapy seriously and maintain my motivation for going. It's been rough, of course. But the lesson there, I guess, is that medication can be helpful for getting through the day and for gaining perspective, but don't take it in the absence of getting other help.

 

As for therapy, the cognitive-behavioral stuff seems to be the most recommended and effective. I've read a couple of books that have helped:

 

The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook

 

Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think

 

There are others, of course.

 

Anyway, I know none of that is terribly concrete advice, but perhaps it'll help someone a little.

[hippopotamus87]

Hi, like others, I am also glad to found this thread.

I might have a bit of history in my both my childhood and my past romantic relationships. As a kid, my mother used to punish me and my sister by slapping us.

 

My last ex-boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me three times and we ended it on a bad note (although now - a year and a half after - we're friends and still talk to each other every now and then). But we had a very destructive r/s where I used to get really paranoid and he hated how I always interrogated him.

After we broke up, I spent time healing myself and keeping myself busy with renovating my room - I was completely fine and happy.

 

And I met a guy as well.

Now I have been with my current boyfriend for almost a year, and I am so thankful that I am with him. At the beginning things went really quickly, and I can see the pattern in this, almost everyone with this relationship anxiety started off the r/s very quickly - could this be an issue as well?

 

Me and my boyfriend have much in common, we get each other's jokes, but I have always been very anxious about us. He refused to live with me, because he said I am such a handful, and he always says that he can't work when I'm around, though everytime I stay over I always make sure I'm going to be occupied.

 

But recently since he returned from his holiday, he has been very sweet and he said that he wants to marry me and have kids with me, but he still refuses to live with me. So I'm very confused on this. I get really anxious at times, at times when he does not reply to my messages for a long time - actually this has gone much better - I can wait for hours now not getting too much anxious, but I could not wait for long with my ex. He also realises this and he keeps on telling me that he needs me to be okay when he's not around and that he shouldn't have to excuse himself for wanting to do something and not wanting to do something.

 

Once in a while he would need his own space and he wants to be distant from me - because he said he wants to do his work - which he can't when I'm around (he's a freelancer, fyi). I was really okay on my own after the big break-up, and like someone has said before, if you are okay without him, how come you're not okay once he arrives? I think this makes so much sense and I really want to get my anxiety out of the way because it is really getting in the way of the r/s.

 

I also feel that my anxiety and mood swing is much more when I'm having PMS and it is very uncontrollable. I could be happy for one second and upset the next, over absolutely nothing. Sometimes, something very little that my boyfriend does can really really upset me.

 

I have never took any of the drugs and do not really wish to get dependant on them, but I have been to proper psychological counselling, once every two-three weeks - it was too expensive I could not afford too many sessions - and it did help to alleviate my mood after the sessions but not much. It helped me, though, to get a third person's point of view, however, my counsellor could not understand the whole issue because I always came alone - I was quite ashamed and I didn't want my boyfriend to know this. However, my boyfriend encourages me to go to see the counsellor, and he himself had been through a post-traumatic disorder once, and saw a counsellor many times.

 

I have now stopped seeing my counsellor, the anxiety is really bad again, sometimes. I always worry that he will leave me, I also imagine breaking up with him, although I don't experience this on an everyday basis, but rather perhaps twice or thrice a week...

 

I am very worried and I don't want to drive my boyfriend away, but sometimes the worrying and the mood swings do take over my sanity. I found this good article, though, which I am going to give a try. I am also currently taking Psychology as my breadth university subject, and learning about the conscious and unconsciousness. Perhaps it will help to make your unconscious processes a conscious ones.

 

Remember,... Your brain is your most deadly weapon, but also your own very enemy.

[hippopotamus87]

Sorry the article is called "A Simple Cure for Anxiety" by Saleem Rana. Google it. Hope it helps. I'm going to give it a try for the next two weeks!

[trixiebabe64]

I am sooo happy to have found this thread. I now know what my issue is. I have been in a relationship for 4 years, he's wonderful, more than I could have asked for really. Smart, generous, loving, and loyal. My problem is that I have complete full blown anxiety. I am constantly worried whether i'm good enough, if he can find better, that i'm just too stupid for him, etc. I guess this goes back to my childhood, and having the father I had. He wasn't the greatest man, he was constantly telling us we were stupid, dumb, * * * * * , and then would come after us.. I remember being held up by my face against the wall, because I spilt a drink. How do you work through something like this? I've been this way for as long as I remember and I dont know how to stop. I can try to control it, but eventually I will just explode and get even worse. I recently went to the doctor and tried to sorta explain my anxiety and he just said take 40mg of Prozac. I don't think that is enough to control my mind, I am constantly thinking hes doing something he shouldnt. I do trust him, but in my mind I always go back to my childhood. I need help desperately before I ruin a great relationship. SOMEONE HELP, ADVICE, Email me.

[ImThatGirl]

Surprised this thread is still going so strong. Going to take time to catch up this week.

 

I still haven't learned the answers. Two months ago I ended a relationship with the guy I started this thread about.

 

I know now that much of the anxiety I felt was due to the relationship being quite unhealthy. However, I still can't imagine relaxing enough to be in a serious relationship again.

 

Trixie, I have a friend that has some of the same problems. She's been seeing a therapist. She has a long way to go but it seems to be helping. Have you considered seeing a therapist that can help you through your troubles you have with the past? I can't imagine going through the experiences you did - with a verbally / physically abusive father and all. Is it possible when we were younger, due to not knowing what to expect from day to day, we learned to continuously be on edge? Medications can be very helpful but I'm a firm believer that therapy can be more helpful to overcome these emotional obstacles.

[trixiebabe64]

Trixie, I have a friend that has some of the same problems. She's been seeing a therapist. She has a long way to go but it seems to be helping. Have you considered seeing a therapist that can help you through your troubles you have with the past? I can't imagine going through the experiences you did - with a verbally / physically abusive father and all. Is it possible when we were younger, due to not knowing what to expect from day to day, we learned to continuously be on edge? Medications can be very helpful but I'm a firm believer that therapy can be more helpful to overcome these emotional obstacles.

 

Unfortunately I don't have any insurance, making it difficult to find a therapist who would offer me low enough rates to make it doable. It probably doesn't help having to always wonder what was going to happen when dad got home. He got mad over the silliest things such as spilling a drink, touching hot dog buns, etc. I have been on medications, but still it sometimes doesn't help. I had to face the issue the other day at court with my mom, I testified against him because he was lying about my sisters whereabouts when he had custody, and how he had gotten engaged and bought a wedding ring when he wasn't paying his alimony and child support. He knew I was going to testify during he break, and gave me the ugliest dirtiest awful look, a look he often gave before he came after me as a child. I went home and deleted him, I will not be treated like that. Having no dad is better than having one who is like him. Thanks for replying, maybe your friend would like to talk sometime!

[abydab]

I stumbled upon this tread after doing a bit of research on anxiety,and I have to say it's been amazing reading stories from people that feel EXACTLY like I do.

I am nineteen years old and have been in my first serious relationship for just over a year now.I have always been a very happy,relatively relaxed person.I have always been a worrier but never suffered from anxiety,until this summer.

My boyfriend came to see me (we're students at university together) and I hadn't seen him for two weeks.I was ridiculously excited,and after being together for about an hour I had an axiety attack.I have absolutely no idea where it came from,and found it very distressing and confusing.

I love my boyfriend very much.He is in no way perfect (who is!) but is kind,loving,and patient. My anxiety stems around us breaking up and the fear that things are going wrong,and that I don't love him anymore.I know deep down I love him and want to be with him but my anxiety seems to prevent me being confident of this fact - I am always looking for things to go wrong, for a sign or an answer that will make things clear.I can't seem to let myself be happy.I understand I am only young,I understand we probably won't get married and the likelihood of us breaking up in the next few years is high; this makes me sad, naturally, but the anxiety stems from the thought there are 'problems' when they're really aren't any at all.

I feel like my anxiety about my relationship has completely and utterly destroyed me.I worry all the time,I have pushed my boyfriend away (although he has stuck by me and been 100% supportive the whole way ) and am ruining my time at University because I have such terrible anxiety.I feel abnormal which is the biggest struggle - surely people my age are just meant to enjoy being young and happy and in love?Why am I making it so hard for myself?

I have a great family,friends and boyfriend but my anxiety seems to be getting in the way of me living my life to the full.I don't really know what I expect from this thread but just reading all your stories and knowing I'm not alone has just been the biggest sense of relief I have felt in months!

Does anyone have experiences similar to mine/advice to give?I just want to get on with being young,in love and happy without the crippling fear of anxiety.

Thanks

 

Zoe xxx

[butterbean0619]

This thread was exactly what I needed to hear. It gave me a name, a face, and a description of something that has become a real problem as of late.

 

For the past several years, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. I never felt fulfilled or worth anything.

 

My boyfriend and I went through this time where I was just entering college and I could not adjust. Every day, it was me over in his dorm crying and breaking down. He couldn't talk to me, but I needed him so badly. Of course, this fueled my fear of him leaving me and I couldn't stop all of the questions and the what-ifs. He broke up with me because he struggled with some of the same problems as I did, but couldn't and didn't want to talk to me. After a few months single, we both decided we wanted to try again, since we both still loved each other.

 

I love him so much, but I always expect everything to be roses, butterflies, and unicorns all the time. I become really scared when it isn't because it is not perfect. I am in the process of therapy and he has opened up to me and started talking to me. things have been great, but I still go through these up and down doubts because I don't know what the future is going to hold. I get worried when he doesn't text me back and say what I had hoped he's say, or when he tells me i am over analyzing/ asks me if we can do something the way he wants to. I always felt as though I was inadquate for him and I want to be perfect for him. He says I am; that I'm beautiful, funny, poetic, and perfect for him. He says he loves me all the time. Why can't I just shut off all these thoughts and believe him!?

 

Therapy is helping with the depression, but I honestly think these thoughts, this anxiety, is the main problem. My worrying has caused many physical problems as well as relationship speedbumps. It always impedes on my ability to be happy. I want to stop it before it ruins another good thing in my life. And this thread made me realize that I am not alone and that I don't have to do it alone.

 

There is a website that said people with anxiety can have a "worry period" where you go over a list you make for like an hour and cross off the things you can't control, have already been resolved, or things you've realized you don't have to worry about anymore. Is this a good idea? i've thought about medication, but I'm not sure I want to take that route. I'm from a Norwegian "Just walk it off" family..... so it just feels like medication would be taking the easy way out.

 

Any ideas?