would u settle?

[sfindependent]

yeah, I was thinking about that. How many people have endured worse? I'm sure millions of people have gotten worse than what I'm experiencing now. What makes me special? What makes her special? She's not perfect as well, and I'm sure she's only trying to get most of wht she can get out of life as much as she can and I completely understand it. I would too. I just wish she chose a different path where we would be going through it together. I understand most of the things she desires in life, or at least understand why she would want to want the things she does, but I wish she just kept me in it, as a confidant, a friend, a partner where she would depend on me as much as I depend on her. I would want to still be that person, but her desicions are a reflection of what she wants. She wants to see other people. in her words, "i think someone out there can make me happier". ouch. all the efforts I've made, seem to go unappreciated, or unwanted anymore. But maybe if i try a different approach? actually try to get to know her more, ask her what she needs (aside from space) and maybe if she'd see that I do like the things she likes, shares the same passions as she likes, then maybe, just maybe she'd look my way. I've been doing a lot of thngs that she's said that if only i did it when we were together... why would it be too late, if it was really that good? This was someone who I've thought of constantly, cared for continuously, and strived to change my imperfections for her. But I made a mistake a loooong time ago, when I cheated on her (it was dinner date and a kiss goodnight for closure with the ex) and a few emails here and there. When that happened, she felt unwanted, and insecure, but I've done so much things, even go back to school to make her feel secure that I do want her in my life for a long time. But it got to her. she felt as if she wasnt herself anymore, when things got too serious. But some things I never listened to, red flags I wish I acknowledged. She even said, we should see a counselor before we broke up but it was too late. When we broke up, i broke down made a complete fool of myself and pushed her away by my neediness and my actions. But she maintained contact. she tried to be friends with me, until late. when she feels she's always backed in a corner, when I've stopped trying to get back with her and made an effort to be her friend. but i couldnt help but push, and read her signals wrong, or maybe over analyzed it. now she's giving her phone number to a guy she met. Now it hurts even more. Now i have to maintain NC. But then again, i want to include her in my life, after all, she was the one who inspired me to go back to school, to change and to become a better person.

 

after all this, I still love her. with all my heart. I still cannot see myself with anyone else, but her. I want to make things better and give her space. But I can't help but pick up the phone and tell her how my day is going, and show her I want her in my life. but she doesnt want me in hers.

 

would love ever be rekindled with this? I want to let her know i'm changing for the better, i want to spark her interest and her curiosity.

l want to be a better man for myself and for her.

 

how am i to do this? and how much and how long of a space will I give?

[Dako]

Shes missing out on a good man.

Your post really brings back some powerful memories.

I hope time serves you as humanely as it did me.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Hmmmm depends, I guess i've had to before. I really loved this guy but he would never see me like that. You just have to be careful because he was what brought me down so quickly.

[sfindependent]

Shes missing out on a good man.

Your post really brings back some powerful memories.

I hope time serves you as humanely as it did me.

 

are u referring to me dako? if so thanks. I really messed up on the beginning of the relationship, i admit that. but after almost a year, I stuck with her as well as she did, but she also did some funky stuff while we "broke up" for a week during the time we were together.after that man, I busted by hiney working to gain her trust back, even tho she did something herself. I forgave her and moved on from what SHE did, and she never did me. I was the kind of boyfriend, who gave her these tulips (she loves em) while they were out of season, looked for them all over, found them and then gave it to her. also got a dog to prove to her id stay that long. also, would insist I make her breakfast most of the time and all that. took her out when she was lonely, or depressed, I have a previous post here on what I did on our "wouldve been" anniversary (since that was around the time i met her too, so i kinda figured that it was a good tribute to that) but she took it the wrong way and freaked out. But she said it was sweet but still didnt like it... I insisted it was just something to make her smile

 

 

 

she said we should keep our distance after that, she said that this was monday (and a few more times this week).

 

I talked to her YESTERDAY and she said she gave her number to a guy. and it broke my heart. Well, i'm only a friend right???? thus the question i posted above.

 

anyway, i saw her online today and I called her to ask if she wanted to chat. she said she'll be back but I left before she got on.THAT WAS IT. it didnt take 30seconds. anyway, i didnt get expect anything else and I went on my depressed way after a few hours she CALLED ME. to say hi. anyway, i talked to her a few minutes and then told her ill talk to her later (not literally meaning later).

 

however, i had a video i thought she'd like to see, so i gave her a buzz a few minutes ago, to ask her if she wanted me to drop it off. she didnt pick up. knowing her, she's out. now i'm screwed again. i feel sick to my stomach, on a friday night alone and at home. i feel soooooo lonely and devalued.

 

I just keep thinking, i should be with someone, or insist my self to be with someone, who can't commit, doesnt value my time and disregards me for other people and wants to date other people when I'm here and ready to commit and strive to make her happy. I don't want to settle as being friends but I feel like i'm being a bad guy for leaving her like she did me by walking away from someone I care about so much.

[sfindependent]

can anyone else bring light to this?

 

i'm going very light contact from now on. Ive taken her out of myspace and might just delete my profile entirely. I wish i can tell her how my day is going. and all that. share what i can share with her, but i cant handle her being "just a friend"

 

ugh. love sucks. not being loved is harded.

[stopit]

Stop torturing yourself! Be easy on yourself and just give yourself the distance that you need right now! It's hard to digest I know, but you have to face the fact that she's unavailable right now. Having her in your life right now, telling her about your day and asking her about hers, is not going to facilitate that process at all.

 

You're clearly not in a position to be just friends with her right now. There are too many expectations, too much hope that things will somehow change. You've done all that you can do, and now you need to focus on yourself. You've made all these great changes - savor them. Take full advantage of them. Work on yourself and focus on becoming the person you want to be for your own sake and well being.

 

Be honest with yourself: you're clearly hurting as a result of her actions and decisions. Is that something you can put up with? The fact that you're hurting right now isn't just because of the rejection; it's also because to a certain extent, deep down inside (in the thoracic cavity or wherever you like), you know that it's done and over with. Now you have to embrace the fact that you live as a person independent of anyone else. So the first step is to stop defining yourself as someone waiting to get back with someone and to start organizing your schedule to fit your own needs. Be selfish for the time being. Spend 200 bucks on football and beer (lol, whatever strikes your jolly).

[sfindependent]

i have to be. I will be and I shouldnt settle for something I dont want and dont deserve in life. I'm letting her go. she said "i dont understand you" she was referring to me pushing on "being friends" and then pulling to "NC". almost daily. I want to be there for her for her every need, but cant be what she wants me to be and still take the crap she's dishing out. that's her prerogative and thats not what i share with her

[inthecorner]

done it too many times in the past and have learnt my lesson. Once you have asked the person if they want anything more than just friends, and they say no. its best to accept the fact and not hang on to false hopes you only end up hurt. You just end up getting deeper infatuated with someone you simply cant have. You would'nt keep on wishing you would win lottery and put all ur hopes n dreams into that. same thing with putting all ur hopes into being with that person. Its a dream. Doing so is self destructive. The best thing to do is forget it.

[sfindependent]

good advice. thanks!

[Ms. Babydoll]

No, I wouldn't. I'd let the person that I was interested in know that I wanted something more.