Momene Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Life's too short to wait for maybes, so don't sit around until you're an old lady. If you go off on your own, make the split permanent. It'll be kinder to both of you in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 what now? he told me that he does not have to invite me every time he goes out. this statement was made after i found out that he had gone to a fashion show without me. although he knows that i love fashion shows and would have really enjoyed going, he did not mention to me that he attended the event until i looked at our digital camera and saw over 100 pictures of a fashion show. when i asked about the pictures, he said that it was a last minute thing...after work....however, the time stamp on the pictures and the pictures themselves told a very different story. i explained to him how i felt about being excluded from this activity and his response was to tell me that he was afraid that i might act jealous around other women. this accusation is completely false. all the people who heard this story have the same reaction. he went to the show without me because he was hoping to meet other women and did not want them to know that he has a girlfriend. anyway, we spent the long weekend together and we did not go out at all. i did not mind this because i thought we were spending quality alone time, but he told me that he felt that we were not being social enough and that he was looking forward to going out without me this week. he has the week off and i do not.... i guess my question is? should i wait for him to ask me out at the end of the week? or should i just assume that i am not seeing him at all this week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 ycmanvs, Why are you putting up with this malarky? I don't understand. By you staying and putting up with this just shows him you are okay with how he treats you and he will continue treating you this way. If this was happening to one of your friends, what you will tell him/her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momene Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 ycmanvs, Why are you putting up with this malarky? I don't understand. By you staying and putting up with this just shows him you are okay with how he treats you and he will continue treating you this way. If this was happening to one of your friends, what you will tell him/her? Agree. This really IS the last straw. Ditch the bar steward NOW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 28, 2006 Author Share Posted November 28, 2006 that is easier said than done. i am very busy, working full time and studying for the bar exam. i do not have the emotional energy to go through a break-up right now. i believe he is taking advantage of the situation because he knows that until i pass the bar exam i am not going to address any indiscretion. when i first started posting to this website, i thought the relationship was over, but he came back to me and said he wanted to work things out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 "that is easier said than done." Of course it is. The right choices are usually the toughest ones. No one said break ups are a walk in the park nor always amicable. It is never easy to do what is right. But, would you rather be happy and be with someone whom will treat you like you should be treated or continue to be disrespected and made second or third priority? The same thing happened to me and my last ex. We had a huge falling out, decided to work on things. Matters were good for about 2 weeks and started slipping back to the way they were. We broke up 3 months later. It sounds like your relationship has run its course and it is time to move on. You can do it. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 28, 2006 Author Share Posted November 28, 2006 i guess my point is that right now, i just don't feel like being completely alone. sure, a nice guy would be great, but i do not have time to date and get to know someone new...yes, i should probably be alone for a while, but i just do not feel ready for that right now....plus, what if i am overreacting?...and he really is not doing anything wrong while we are apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pera Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 i guess my point is that right now, i just don't feel like being completely alone. sure, a nice guy would be great, but i do not have time to date and get to know someone new...yes, i should probably be alone for a while, but i just do not feel ready for that right now....plus, what if i am overreacting?...and he really is not doing anything wrong while we are apart. yc in all honesty it sounds like you lack of self-esteem and self-awareness to go out start dating again. I think it is not that you think you don't have the energy but rather you think that you might not be able to find anyone else. I myself used to have same problems as your bf did. Also I am in a relationship in which me and my (now) fiancee went through exact same things. Everytime she wanted something from me, it would always annoy me because it was not what "I" thought we should do at that moment. I used to play computer games 6-7 hours a day when I was in college and try to avoid her as much as I can. Why? It wasn't because I didn't care about her, but rather I had a lot to deal with and when I played computer games I didn't have to think about any of my problems. It was like my secret place where I could be engaged with something that could totally take my mind off of my problems. Well... we went through a lot. I mean I acted the same way towards her as your bf did. I tried to break up with her many times not because I didn't love her but because I thought I would have more time to play... It was all settled when I was finally forced to "choose" because she broke up with me and told me that she would not go through this anymore. She started dating around and I went through a stage in my life where I had to put things in place and get my priorities straight. Finally I found enough courage to face my problems and quit playing computer games. Well I shouldn't say quit but more like I do it in "moderation". She always comes firts because I would not trade her for anything especially not for a stupid computer game. I wish the best of luck to you but If he is anything like I was back in the day than you will go through a lot of tough times. I think you should decide if he is worth or not and take the necessary action. Because trust me he could keep this up forever if you don't act. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 28, 2006 Author Share Posted November 28, 2006 thanks Pera...i agree with your assessment of the situation completely. i did try that in september and it worked temporarily...he even told me that he needs to hit rock bottom before he'll change... anyway, right now i am going to try to focus more on my own life and less on what he is doing (or not doing as the case may be) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 should i wait for him to call me this week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I feel for you because I am going through a similar situation. I keep going back and forth with my bf and I know he is treating my badly sometimes, but I cant seem to let go of him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 i just don't know what to do. i read your post bigheart09 and i know what you are dealing with. i moved to a new apartment in september and i started a new job before that. i should be happy but i just can't enjoy anything when i know that the relationship is not working out. i don't think that things are over, but since i am not happy with the current situation, what should i do? what will you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Why do you think things arent over? Because that is how I feel, even though we both are struggling in this relationship. My bf is very charming and flirty, and I know that he likes to go out without me so he can talk to girls. So, I think that now he wants to sleep with other women, even though he really hasnt said so (intuition). The thing is, once I stopped putting effort into the relationship, things started getting bad. And that is when he started having doubts. What is your relationship like right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 wow....our situations are so similar...my bf loves to flirt and go out...if i ignore him....he always comes back to me....if i pay any attention to him, he feels like i am smothering him. i know that these are his issues...he likes attention...he did not get enough of it growing up, so he has a lot of emotional problems....which i have dealt with as much as possible.... i don't really know enough about your circumstances. how long have you been together? have you been exclusive all along? how old are you guys? does he want to spend the rest of his life with you? etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Well, we have been together for a year. I know I havent seen anyone else. I am 27 and he is 34. He used to be engaged, so not really ready to jump into marriage. I have known this from the beginning. My bf also had a tough childhood, and didnt get enough love from his parents, so a lot of his issues stem from that. Things started going bad about 6 weeks ago, and I started acting withdrawn and weird, so he started having doubts because I wasnt putting all my effort into our relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 ok, well... usually around the 18 month mark, relationships get tested because that's when all the initial "love" hormones start to go back to their normal levels...after a year of dating my boyfriend, i gave him an ultimatum, ...because he was still dating other people. anyway, he chose to stay with me and be monogamous...however, that did not mean that he changed who he was...a person who loves to go out and get attention from other women...now, it's a year later and i want more. you have to sit down with your guy and tell him exactly how you feel and what you want...you might lose him....or you might be surprised and get to the next level of your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I think he already made his decision about not being with me, and I think he is right. I do deserve better in a relationship and be with someone who wants to marry me later. I would fight for him until the end, but I think I need to move on. It is not want I want to do in my heart, but logically it makes sense. What do you think you are going to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 i don't think that i am going to do anything until i pass the bar exam. i have to study and work full time and all my energy has to be focused on my career for the next six months...after that i will probably have to sit down with him and tell him what i want and see if he is interested in making things work...i have a feeling that we'll break up...but then again, he has surprised me in the past and that is why i am still with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 You definitely need to focus on the Bar exam. That is what is most important right now. How old are you and your bf? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 we are in our late 30's. we both spent our 20's partying too much and not being very emotionally mature. i am ready to settle down but i do not think that he is really ready for any of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 My bf is 34 and you would think he would be ready to settle down, but that is not the case. Not that I want to get married right now, but I eventually i guess I do. He just called me from work to talk about his issues at work. How can I be there for him, but not be his girlfriend? This is going to be hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 are you officially broken up? if so, you need to take some time away from him with no contact. if you are still together, then you should be able to talk to eachother about whatever is going on at work or anywhere.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I dont know about being official, but we did talk about us being done last night. Then the conversation went toward us seeing each other. I think in my head I need to think we are over, so I dont hold onto any hopes of us getting back together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted November 29, 2006 Author Share Posted November 29, 2006 if you are really over, then stop talking to him. if you are still seeing eachother then it's not over. you can't have both at the same time. i have been in relationships where we remained friends after breaking up, but it took months of not talking to eachother to get to that point. please ask him once and for all if the breakup is final, or make the decision yourself and do not talk to him any more. my problem is that we are not broken up. however, i am always the one that calls or suggests getting together...and i am just sick of chasing him....so i stopped calling....so far, i have not heard from him at all....it's only been 2 days but that's still 2 days too long.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 You are right. I have to make a decision. How often do you guys see each other? How was it last time you guys talked? Were you fighting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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