dreamwarrior Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 My ex/bf was a bouncer/security for a strip club and he also knew some porn stars...he says their nothing to write home about...most are on drugs. He has been looking at porn since he was 13 when him and another kid left a nudy magazine in the confessional at his school. Guys of all ages do these things...just don't take to much stock in it girls...I know it hurts and make you feel like your not adquate enough, but he is going to do it anyway when you not around. You can be the best looking, hottest chick ever but your men are going to still look at porn. I would say if this was an isolated incident and your man was the only person in the world to do this then I would say, yes it's not cool, but, heck men have been looking at porn since the beginning of time...I even bet back several hundred years ago they were getting off on shoe and stalking ads in the Sears and Roebuck's catalog. I see it as guys not wishing they were with these chicks, but it's the actions going on in the movie. I know this is coming from a woman's point of view, but I analyzed this myself. I watched porn when he wasn't around and if I thought he was coming in the room or home I would immediately shut it off, because I felt embarrassed having him catch me looking at it. Another thing I noticed on some of these pornos that the girls are all tore back, bruises, genital warts, very skinny, sagging breasts/buns, haggard in the face...harsh lifestyle and wears those girls out before 30....so don't worry so much about these chicks...I mean even the roles these girls play are so cheesy....it's probably a very hard lifestyle, and the healthrisks are very high. I do have to say I became very steamy watching these type of movies, but me being a woman I rather watch a good romance and do the sex part for real. Although I am straight I think both the female and the male bodies are definitely a true masterpiece/works of art and downright gorgeous...I love sex and wish I could have some...I say the more the better. Heck be your bf's porno star...I can be pretty naughty. Even though my ex watched porno sometimes, or looked at magazines, when it came right down to it he was quite stuffy and old fashioned. He never liked me to get wild or do new things...he just laid on me and that was it....he won't even talk dirty to me... I live in San Francisco so it's quite the liberal town...they have a place here called, "The Powerexchange". It's a sex club..god knows what goes on in there. Just don't worry so much over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
free2Bme Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Another thing I noticed on some of these pornos that the girls are all tore back, bruises, genital warts, very skinny, sagging breasts/buns, haggard in the face...harsh lifestyle and wears those girls out before 30....so don't worry so much about these chicks...I mean even the roles these girls play are so cheesy....it's probably a very hard lifestyle, and the healthrisks are very high. We know this, that the girls aren't all that. But not all guys see it the same way, they think 'WOW look at her!!!' they don't think into it any further than physical good looks and general sl*ttyness. They don't think what her personality is like, or how many warts they have, wouldn't be much of a turn on if they did. I am more ok with porn than I used to be, but once when I had a problem, my bf said to me 'come on, as if I could get a girl like her, let alone satisfy her in the sack' and I took that as a personal insult, that he was settling for me. Me and my bf make our own kinky video clips for each other, but after watching them a few times he wants a bit of variety, so goes back to the porn. I seem to go through phases with this, and it tends to be based on how our sex life is going, if we haven't had much sex, I will ask how much he has watched it, if it's a fair bit then I will be upset because we have not had much intimacy, if we've had lots of sex, I'm not even bothered about asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleaksilence Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Reading this thread makes me feel a lot better. I just had to reply! My BF and I had an issue about the whole porn thing and he agreed to let me look at his sites (he's faves and so on) but now I guess I turned a bit into a control freak. My biggest problem is not the hardcore stuff, but the softcore. Like when she's only dressing up or posing. I always ask myself: "Does he get off on that?" "How much does it run him on" He also agreed to answer any questions I might have but I really feel stupid asking him and it's a bit embarrassing, especially because I'm a bit afraid of the answers. Sometimes this whole thing bothers the hell outta me and other times I just think: Well, whatever, after all it's got nothing to do with me. But then I wish I was with him at that moment. I wish I could somehow stop him from doing it and from looking at all those girls. I know exactly that it's got nothing to do with me but there's this little voice inside my head that tells me "Hey, you've got a small B cup, and she's got like C or D". Even though he always tells me my breasts are pretty and not too small, I can't help to be afraid of what he thinks when he looks at those girls. It's a bit confusing for me because I really really trust him. It's just my insecurity that comes in the way. It's pretty messed up. I feel a bit schizophrenic. I guess the best thing to do is just trust him and let him have his fun. I like to look at porn myself from time to time and I relaxed a bit because I figured that it's pretty normal to just like to look at sex and that it doesn't necessarily mean that he prefers other girls over you or is "cheating". It doesn't matter who it is, just the image of a hot girl in a nice scene. When you're watching a movie with a love scene, and you really think that the actor's hot, you don't want him to screw you, but you want to see him in hot action right? It's really more of a fantasy than connected to the real life. For me, those Porn stars are just on screen and only important for their roles. (of course I know they're real people, I'm just trying to illustrate what I mean ) When I look at it that way, it really helps me to forget the insecurities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weegee Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 i have had this discussion with my girlfriend and i can see her point. but I don't see the girls and people so much more as a aid. like i don't feel a connection with the dry cleaning lady or the person behind the bank counter. its not meant to be in a bad way but for a real connection i have someone i love (my girlfriend) and if I need release and i cant get it from her i used to turn to porn as I coulde'nt do it by mind alone(poor imagination). actually if a girl says she hates porn what about a guys mind as that can make up allot more then what you can download off the internet and their is no way of stopping that. I hope you can make a compromise as i have. me and my gf like hentai so im allowed to watch that as it isent real women(although i stopped watching porn altogether now). think about it from his point of view is all im saying maybe he dosent see it as looking for a soul mate and more about jacking off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeldaPrinces Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 I think its disgusting. I am glad your boyfriend stopped for you and I know what you mean about reflecting on it afterwards. To all those who say it isn't cheating - IT IS! If the women were in front of him and he was masturbating whilst she was naked and posing in front of him that is CHEATING! You are looking at other women. And if these men would never be with these women, and they would only be with 'real women' then why look at them? Control themselves that's what I think. Take a long hard look around and realise that your girlfriend should be enough for you. Some men, I swear, have not evolved from animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gray Fox Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 To all the girls that actually believe they stopped their bf from watching porn. Epic Fail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duchesstigerlily Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Sorry but I'm a woman and I dont think watching generic, run of the mill porn is cheating at all. Then again, all couples need to set their *own* boundaries concerning what is or isnt acceptable in their relationship. Some people like to watch porn as a couple, some women are ok with their partner watching porn alone, some aren't, some couples have an open relationship etc. etc. "Normal" is unique to every couple so its a bit extreme to label porn/masturbation as cheating. Watching porn is NOT the same as having a real naked man/woman in front of you while you masturbate. Its an image on a screen...nothing more...nothing less unless you choose to define it as such. I think people that choose to see it as "real" or assign more meaning to it then they should end up causing themselves a whole lot of heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JourneyRoade Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Excellent post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
photogo Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 too many pages to read the comments. I just say to author although he told you he stopped, he didn't. Occasionally, he would still watch them putting them in a folder call 'tax funds' or '50 page health paper'. He is just saying it to make you happy and not get in an argument because it is a pointless one where neither would give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProtestTheHero Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 this is the part i hate about porn. I just don't know where in hell we went wrong as a society to think this way. no, i agree you can't care about each person you run into on the street and so on, but you can care about the basic respect of their humanity and quite frankly a lot of porn is so disrespectul in the extreme towards the women in it, that i'm not surprised a lot of men report feeling like crap after a "good session". but you're not getting off either at the dry clearner or the bank. it's a job and someone's got to do it, etc. but no one is whipping out their junk over someone's lousy job at that point either. It's hard to feel sorry for women in the porn industry; you put your signature in the contract and you're making decent money. You know what the job entails. With that disclosure, I fail to see how it's robbing them of their humanity -- they are essentially doing the same thing that any promiscuous person does with the added benefit of making money off of it. The only guys I know who would admit to feeling guilty after watching it are those with a religious background. I would be truly skeptical of any guy who tells his gf he gave up porn. Anyone with half a brain can view it and totally cover their tracks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleaksilence Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 It's so depressing. I want to accept it, I really want to but somehow I can't, I can't even sleep properly without thinking about it. I guess it's an unconscious fear, I'm afraid of the thought of him watching other women, even if he thinks nothing about them and just sees them as a way to get off. It's just the fact that he likes WOMEN in general, that I'm not the only one. I know it really is stupid, of course he likes women in general... but I guess I'm afraid of losing him. I just wished there was something I could do to make these feeling go away.... I hate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeldaPrinces Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Originally posted by Bleaksilence It's so depressing. I want to accept it, I really want to but somehow I can't, I can't even sleep properly without thinking about it. I guess it's an unconscious fear, I'm afraid of the thought of him watching other women, even if he thinks nothing about them and just sees them as a way to get off. It's just the fact that he likes WOMEN in general, that I'm not the only one. I know it really is stupid, of course he likes women in general... but I guess I'm afraid of losing him. I just wished there was something I could do to make these feeling go away.... I hate it. No. You do not need to make the feelings go away. He needs to make his addiction go away. He shouldn't disrespect you like that, and you are doing NOTHING wrong. Do you like men in general? Or just him? Why are you not enough for him? You Should be. Thats what marriage and relationships are, having someone there for you to love and for you to only love that person. Sure he dosen't want to be with those women. But then, why dosen't he spend time thinking about his own wife, rather than looking for the visuals of someone else? Disgusting. Makes me so sad and Mad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeldaPrinces Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 By the way I meant that i am supporting you and do not like his behaviour. I feel so bad for you, but please, don't change the way you feel, you are right to feel weird and upset about him watching it. He needs to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 It's hard to feel sorry for women in the porn industry; you put your signature in the contract and you're making decent money. You know what the job entails. With that disclosure, I fail to see how it's robbing them of their humanity -- they are essentially doing the same thing that any promiscuous person does with the added benefit of making money off of it. The only guys I know who would admit to feeling guilty after watching it are those with a religious background. I would be truly skeptical of any guy who tells his gf he gave up porn. Anyone with half a brain can view it and totally cover their tracks. Totally agree. This topic will never be one that goes away because it invokes such strong feelings in people. But for the most part i do not feel women of porn are being exploited, i think the men are. They are viewed as weak by the porn industry and by the women who perform in the films, and many times they are right because men will throw out the cash for it time and time again. I also would be skeptical over a guy who says to his g/f he is giving up porn just like that. Call me cynical but i think he will just learn how to hide it. I am not saying some men WONT give it up but i dont think it happens quite like this or that easy in probably 80% of cases, and that number is probably conservative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miss_chris Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 A few weeks ago i was on my bf's computer and came accross 1 porn site by complete accident. It made me really upset initially. I was to the point where i wanted to say something to him about it, but i got over it because i know he loves me and he's very interested in the bedroom, it's not affecting our sex life at all. And who knows, maybe he might of just been bored one night and watched a few. he only watched 3 videos. Still bugs me a bit to think about it, but i can't make him stop watching it, if he does watch it regularly, i don't know. I don't think so. I don't think it's too much of an issue unless it affects your relationship or sex life. For me it hasn't. Still makes me a bit jealous though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BronzedSkin123 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Well, I had a boyfriend, and he never looked at porn because he didn't have a computer at home. But he did look at those pinup magazines (King, Black Tail, Maxim) and rap videos. And it bothered me A LOT. Actually, it bothers me whenever a pretty celeb appears on the screen, they are made out to be so gorgeous and prettier than real women that I feel so insecure and inferior. Even around men that I don't know that well, if the telelvision is on a hot celeb that is lightskinned, I immediately leave because I feel they make me look even uglier. I also hated when my guy friend used to go on and on about how beautiful Alicia Keys, and other mixed race women were--he even said that she had the most beautiful face so that meant I was not as beautfiul. He always talked about how gorgeous the mixed women were and the women with really big behinds and tiny waists. I am still recovering from this and get depressed about it. And to those who say those women are not real people yes they are. Say if your boyfriend were to meet a girl who looks just like them...he'd probably leave you or want to have sex with them for a night.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ness Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 Well I always had a major issue with porn...until 1 month ago!! Like what others have said, I felt inferior, I felt sick that he was 'getting off' over some other girl, it DID feel like cheating and it concerned me that he may even have 'favourites' and watch certain girls on a regular basis. His reaction to my concern certainly wasn't the kindest/most understanding. He said "it's healthy" "it's normal" "every guy looks at porn....if he says he doesn't, he's lying" and "I'll think about whatever I like in my own head, thank you very much" oh and also "you think about other men when you sort yourself out, don't even try to deny it" ....that last comment in particular struck a chord. I looked at our relationship -- it's great, we have amazing sex, it's regular, he's a fantastic guy and he does love me. Maybe, just maybe, he was right to be upset at me being upset! Maybe yes, he has a right to have the odd fantasty!!! Then I thought about his last comment, and it's true. the only difference really between what he does and what I do is that I am not actually watching everything. But damn I think about it and what it's like, esp after being with him for a while. ...So, my solution??? What helped me?? Basically, I accepted he only looks at it for a bit of help with the fantasy, and I agree masturbation IS healthy. I acknowledge the fact I often think of other men when I am "sorting myself out" as he put it, lol. Then, I thought, how can I get past that horrid feeling I get when I know he is LOOKING at videos? -Playgirl!!!! If I choose to look at the same style of porn he looks at, all the focus is on the girl and it may make me feel worse. By hunting down porn/sexy images of men, for girls, I not only enjoy doing this but it's made me feel better about him doing it. Like other posters here have said, fight fire with fire. I also agree strongly, that if the porn is NOT affecting your actual relationship/how he treats you/your sex life, then surely it's not a problem. Ladies, let's stat really drooling over sexy guys and also demand our right to have our own great 'private time' thinking about other men. If it ain't ACTUALLY happening, it's just images/videos....then it's not cheating. Porn is really just an extention of what we'd think about anyway. Plus - if he didn't like looking at other women, he'd either be gay...or dead!! lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ness Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 I can see how it won't help everyone and I am expecting at least one person to tell me I'm wrong, it is cheating etc and I also fully understand that it can get out of control. However, I think that most of the time, what makes it such a big problem is letting it be a problem. I think that in reality, the guy just enjoys it from time to time but he much prefers being with a girl...if not, he would stay single. I think it's just a fact of life and it's just an extention on a fantasy he'd have in his head anyway. For me, hunting down pics of sexy men not only was a pleasurable thing to do but it made it soooooo much easier knowing he occasionally looks too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duchesstigerlily Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Great posts, ness! I know my husband looks at porn on occasion and he kind of inspired me to seek out women-friendly "porn" and I love it. I only watch it every now and then just like he only looks at whatever he looks at every now and then. Outside of that we have a great sex life and have watched stuff together as well...not too often but it does happen. I think women that honestly believe that their partner has not and will not ever view porn is living with their head in the sand. Masturbation and fantasies etc. are totally healthy and normal...no one should have to feel ashamed of how they express themselves sexually as long as its not illegal or "unhealthy". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Too bad there aren't many sites dedicated to looking at naked men. For every one site of solo men there are 65,000 sites of amateur teen girls. SIGH Plus not many male celebs show off what women do. Really disappointing. We can try to beat them at their own game but we fail. I don't mind gay porn but it gets sort of odd after a while. I am not a gay man, this isn't made for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duchesstigerlily Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 LOL I've watched a bit of gay porn before and yup, definitely not made for the ladies....but, I mean, thats fairly obvious before you download it!!! That amateur teen stuff is disgusting....I *would* be ultra p*ssed and disturbed if I found out my huband watched that cr*p....thankfully, its just your run-of-the-mill, regular ol' industry made adult porn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamDonor Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 My Boyfriend Gave Up Porn For Me Too. Four months now.. =] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Google image "Fratmen" "Naked Rugby" and the like. That tends to bring up some nice stuff. It's tough to find good porn for women, it takes some legwork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 My last serious girlfriend was heavily into porn. I mean, she had entire laptops full of it. It never bothered me--I don't see anything to be jealous over. This isn't 1984 (the novel, not the year), I don't see why people should be punished for thought-crimes. I put "emotional cheating" in the same category, btw. And, as per the DSM-IV, pornography isn't a scientifically-recognized addiction. If you want to believe it is, more power to you (and I'm sure people will reply with links to coincidentally-religious sites on the subject), but for now, it's in the same hazy category as "Video games make people violent!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xonicolemarie Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 i really dont get jealous of him watching porn..prob cause i watch it too..we've even seen it together..its really not such a big deal in my opinion.. i mean i understand y some of u would "I felt sick that he was 'getting off' over some other girl" but since i watch it..i donno..i dont know what im trying to get at lol....just the fact that i dont care if he watches it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.