treefrogkate Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 I vary between the "Eh, no harm done" and the "Am I not pretty enough for you" camps, but in general, I think porn isn't that big an issue. I used to, but not any more. What made me pretty much get over it? Watching it myself. And realizing that, even though people will tell you until they're blue in the face about how different men and women are, that they really aren't. When I watch porn, I'm not checking out the guy and wishing I was with him instead of my boyfriend. It's carnal, it's titillating, and it's wholly disconnected from who that guy actually is. Do I want my boyfriend less? No, and as a matter of fact, when I do watch porn, I end up jumping the boy as soon as he gets home because I want to do naughty things to him Read the link borntoresist posted, it's excellent. Borntoresist and inanecathode, I'd totally shake your hands if I could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I look at porn, however, it can be a real problem in relationship, an example being several of these posts where the man has just been hiding it and hasn't really stopped. If my SO will be uncomfortable with it I will stop, if not then I won't, it is that simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyTN Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I do believe that's why it bothers women. It makes sense. All we do is try our very best to look good for our men and hold their attention,for them to be lusting for another defeats our whole purpose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asphyxiatedaedra Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 God I nearly cried finding this forum, I felt so alone and stupid in my jealous thoughts of porn and my boyfriend... See, he has a certain fetish that he looks up, breast expansion, which at first I had no real issue about him looking up. But I started, you know, recreating things in the bedroom for him, using balloons and whatever else I could find to help stimulate his fetish without the need for him to look it up on the internet. He loved it, and yet he still looked it up on the side... even though we have sex more or less everyday, and use the balloons whenever he asks... It makes me feel so... inadequate I guess, is the word I can come up with. I am naturally a C-D cup, but I've looked up the BE stuff before, and it makes me look like nothing in comparison, especially when I use the balloons on myself with him. It really has been damaging my self-esteem... I know that my chest is naturally on the large side, in comparison to other girls, but that's not why it upsets me so much. It's the fact that despite everything i try to do to please him, he still has this need to look it up anyway... I've talked to him about this on multiple occasions, and tried so hard to mkae him understand how it was making me feel, but I don't think he really does get it. I asked him if he would please stop looking at it, and he did agree and reassure me that he wouldn't. But recently I checked this one BE forum for a response from a girl who had experience with props (I talked to her many months ago, but it jsut crossed my mind a few days ago to check for a message), and found out that he had just been on the site the previous morning... I feel so hurt and misled, and tried so hard to squelch the paranoia I felt this past month since he promised me... but apparently my paranoia was confirmed. All I can take hope in is that I'm not alone, and girls besides me are struggling with similar feelings that I am, but it's just so hard for me to cope... Maybe I'll find a boyfriend one day like the original poster of this thread... I can only hope so anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud802 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 I wish you the best of luck Asphy, it sure sounds like the guy is definitely addicted, and I'm sorry to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wedgewood Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Different things. Romance novels are about romance. Love. Porn is looking at another woman's genitals and feeling aroused by her. You want to do her. Just like with strippers, the guy wants to do her and has an erection. It is cheating no doubt. There is NO relation between reading romantic stories and watching parn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wedgewood Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 If a man's p*rn use is getting to you, try renting a tape with male actors only and watching it, and try buying a Playgirl and leaving it "accidentally" in your bathroom...he will NOT like it..Fire with fire... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkness_Falls Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Gotta say that I am a woman and I enjoy porn as much as my man does. We see eachother 3 days a week and we both have quite high sex drives. So naturally we get horny when we don't see eachother. I know he uses porn to get himself off when I'm not there, and I also do the same. I like it and I wouldn't give it up. I obviously prefer the real thing but porn is good when I can't have the real thing. It just makes masturbation more exciting than sitting in silence trying to get myself off.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leanneD Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I get jealous. It annoys me that I do seeing as I used to watch porn when I was young, mainly out of curiosty. I hate knowing my boyfriend is getting off to some girl who is clearly alot hotter than I am. But I guess like most women, we want our men to only think about us, want us and get turned on by only us but its not going to happen. Men need visual stimulation. Men are getting lazier in bed too, because of it. They watch the films and think that women are going to be just as easy to orgasm. And if not, they think that we have the problem!! It makes me angry sometimes!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thegirl_00 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I watch porn more then my boyfriend does, or any of my ex's. My boyfriend is on the road a lot, so on the weekends i don't get to see him. He has many women drooling over him wherever he goes because he is a very talented musician, but he goes home to his hotel every night and watches porn if hes in the mood. I would prefer that then for him to be fantasizing about the women drooling over him at his concerts! Would you rather your boyfriend masturbate over an internet girl or someone in real life? Guys are visual creatures... and they are allowed to think about whatever they want during their "alone" time... just remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novaseeker Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 The main issue with porn is whether it is getting in the way of the real world intimacy of the couple -- is it impacting sexual performance or frequency, emotional intimacy, attraction, etc. Those are the red flags for when porn use becomes problematic in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I too understand feeling a little jealous, but I watch porn myself and I am really into this guy ive been seeing for a few months now, tho we are not even committed to each other. Watching porn is kinda natural, unless its excessive, of course, and even as a girl, I watch it when I am bored (for something to do) but not often and I am a girl who is very sensitive, caring and emotional. So stop being jealous, they really are just objects on a screen, not real people. I used to work in a strip bar, but not stripping! and I have spoken to many men over the years about the subject, they only see them as a bit of fun, as an object and not serious, ie. they dont have feelings for them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karma85 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Ya I Feel The Same Way And He Has A Collection Fill....and The The Thing Is He Gets These Ideas.expects Me To Be Like Them... And I'm My Own Person. I'm Origanal.they Expect So Much After Watchin Maaad Porn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livefree Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I used to be a little weirded out when I found out how many people I knew actually watched porn (call me naive, I guess)...and wasn't really a fan of the whole porn scene...Then there was the day when I actually watched one for myself. I could not stop laughing; I did NOT expect what I saw...they were doing things I thought were physically impossible! It was totally unlike any sex I'd ever had, and I don't consider myself prude by any means. After that, my boyfriend can watch allll the porn he wants and not hear a word from me...I might roll my eyes a little, but he could put it on his iPod and watch it during his lunch break for all I care. My boyfriend's encouraged me to watch it, maybe pick up a few new tricks we can try...But I don't think I could ever take porn seriously enough to ever try something out of it. That's just my opinion of it though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chumphrs Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Hey everyone, I'm so glad I found this because I've been struggling myself. I've been in a relationship for 8 months with my current boyfriend. I love him very much and he loves me, and we're very serious about each other. But he has porn DVDs alllll over the house, and he has internet porn downloaded on his computer. We've fought about it numerous times because I feel like it's borderline unfaithful to be getting off while thinking about sex with other women. He doesn't get it at all. He said he'd TRY to stop. I asked him about it a few months later, and he (being the very honest guy that he is) admitted that he didn't stop. I don't want to be a controlling girlfriend so I tried to drop the issue but it hurts me sooooo much and it nags at me all the time. I asked him why he needs it so bad, and he says it's a pure physical thing for him and he only uses it on days he doesn't see me. He says he doesn't even see the porn stars as real people and that they could be cartoons and it would be the same. I know that should make me feel better but it doesn't. I want nothing else than to be OK with him watching porn but it makes me so sick to my stomach. The good stuff in our relationship outweighs this, I mean this is the ONLY problem we've had in 8 months and we're very compatible, so I'm not going to break up with him over the issue. But peace of mind would be heaven and I'm trying to find it...so far I nothing. It's good to know that I'm not completely crazy and that other people feel the same way, thanks gals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duchesstigerlily Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Man, I must be really unusual or something. Porn doesnt bother me at all. I remember looking at it out of curiosity many times as a teenager. I once planned a romantic night with my hubby that involved watching porn. I watched internet porn when he was away a few months ago. I know he watches it every now and then and I dont take it as a silent commentary on how attractive I am or how good our sex life may be. I enjoy porn made specifically for women as I find the women actually look "real" and its not crude or offensive as some mainstream porn can be. My hubby respects that so thats the kind of porn we watch together on the rare occasion when we do watch it. Maybe this is more a security issue then anything. I think most men watch it just for the visual effects only and not because they *want* to have sex specifically with a porn star. I would find it much more offensive if my hubby was cybering with real women online or exchanging naked pictures etc. with real people....and believe me, some men and women *do* this regardless of whether they are single, married etc. If he's going to do anything I would rather it be mainstream, run of the mill porn then conversing with actual people. I think that is more a threat to a relationship then standard porn could ever be. This is just another form of sexual expression and doesnt constitute cheating in my mind. I look at it this way...he's a great guy who treats me with love and respect and who goes out of his way to make me feel good about myself (mind, body and soul)...he's hardworking, responsible and trustworthy and basically just a decent guy so why would I give him a hard time about watching porn once every now and then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto929 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 My boyfriend had been addicted to porn for about 4 years (before we started dating). at first, i felt stupid that i was upset about it because all guys do it. however, thinking about him looking at all these other women really freaked me out and i was already super jealous. he had a lot of shame surrounding the issue and i think a lot of guys do...so approaching it in a nagging way is really unhelpful. i really just told him how i felt: porn just puts doubts in my mind: if you look at girls having sex what's to stop you from having sex with someone else. the kicker was when he looked at the "erotic" section of craigslist which is essentially a bunch of hookers! I was thoroughly freaked out. I also felt guilty about the situation because i had told him i wasn't okay with it, then thought, well he won't stop so this is pointless and then said it was fine. i finally just said this is not okay...it's really affecting our sex life and our relationship. he's been not looking at porn for about a month now and our sex life is way way good! he did fall back once but that's to be expected out of a 4 year addiction. he felt very bad about it and only looked for a couple seconds before quitting. it's really helping my jealousy and our relationship i don't think this applies to every girl and guy though - i do think a healthy relationship can include porn sometimes but certain factors make it necessary to eliminate it from the picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sourpeach Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 guys who look at porn even once become less satisfied with their actual partners. repeated use over longer periods of time only enhances the effect. do some research on it. it's really a sad thing. it also makes them bad in bed. they don't put as much effort into it and they expect more from the girl than they should. they end up expecting every person they sleep with to be on par with the porn stars, willing to lick his jizz out of the crack of some other girl's ass. and kudos to the one who first mentioned that women try so hard to look good for their SO, and the guy then desiring to look at other women does indeed send the message that we have failed, we are not good enough for you, and that you ideally do not want us. for me porn is cheating because it is indeed acting on a desire for someone else. a porn star makes you horny, so you jerk off thinking about said porn star. porn is simply visual for men? maybe, but that neglects to mention that "porn" generalizes it to the whole act and what is going on etc, but it is really just about seeing the woman naked and screwing. seeing what HER box looks like with something in it. and then stroking themselves, pretending it is their thing that they're watching the girl in the video suck and f*ck. and to me, that's cheating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duchesstigerlily Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 wow....then there must be a lot of men "cheating" on their partners! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindfold Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I really don't think that porn gets that much into a guy's head. I personally don't have anything against my bf seeing porn. I would like to know if he did, though, but nothing else. I'm alrigth with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I don't have a problem with porn or the people behind the camera. I don't get off on it as one might say, but if my man were to be the type that liked watching it I wouldn't have too many problems with it. If he were addicted to porn and constantly masturbating to it and not satisfying my needs then I'd definitely have a big talk with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutley Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 From my experience, men need to give up the porn when they get into a serious relationship. It CAN cause problems...ASIDE from jealousy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supa_gurl Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I hate it. I feel it is degrading and disgusting. I asked my husband to give it up and he seems to think there is a "statute of limitations" on my request. After 11+ years of marriage I have had to asked him to get rid of it umteen million times. It would be gone from our house for a few months, then lo and behold there it is again! Before we had kids, I kept my mouth shut for the most part. Now having them (AND him leaving a magazine on the bathroom floor once, which my daughter found) I want it out, good riddance! But he keeps wanting it back. I feel, "Am I that unattractive and so horrid to look at that he has to resort to these things?" Don't think I will ever like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandyKins Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 He gave up porn for me. Er.. that's great! Experts say porn has become a huge factor in relationship breakdown. I really don't think it's right to invite porn into a committed relationship. The pictures can be a distraction. It wouldn't be healthy for him mentally and spiritually. Porn distorts your expectations of what women should look like. Men watch it to be aroused - masturbation. There are much better and healthier alternatives then porn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amya Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 ---------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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