Gecko Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 A cloudy day I sit in a room full of emptiness White shadows floating along the corridors They fight... but what? This morgue where souls depart For another world... The hands on the wall Click to the rhythm of time Time... I am carried back on its wings To where it all started To a memory far away Lost in the fire... Her smile... oh, Her laugh... I was blind Subdued... Letting life pass me by Without a second thought Lost Horizons... Forever gone with the wind A butterfly began to grow in my heart Two years passed without a sound I came to realize The memories I had missed I came to realize I had woken up She said goodbye Forever I chased the sun But it was fading fast Into the west In the west... I sat and pondered The chaos Oh, the chaos... Dark shadows gripped my soul Stone clouds filled the sky I cried out her name, Bleeding from the mouth Save me But she couldn't hear me anymore I remembered the whispered words Of an old man I used to know Love everyone, but keep them far from your soul... No, no... I wouldn't let it go that way I began a pilgrimage To the place her spirit had found Peace and Happiness... But I found No place for me... Spies discovered my crimes And they came for me, A crowd with their pitchforks Servants of the machine I saw the fire in their eyes Carried me to a hole in the ground They offered me Medication My soul coughed and spat it out So they left the life in me to burn I was clinging to the legs of a butterfly I held on Held on For my life The only thing I had left Her face painted so beautifully in my mind's eye I tried to make them see it I tried to help them feel it But it was lost... No hope for these zombies Whose minds clanked with the gears of the machine The butterfly Struggled to survive the fire It withered and died On a sunday morning My mind went numb Days passing like hours Never a second thought I had become..... one of them. Now the door opens I am brought back to the slow ticking Of the hands on the wall A white shadow leads me inside Ten gray shadows stand beside a bed Watching me closely I walk to her side She has been waiting for me I see her face: Still beautiful after all these years Her chest heaves with difficulty I see the lump on her breast Our eyes meet Sweetness flows through her big brown eyes Into my heart She cannot speak I feel everything she says I take her in my arms Embrace her Emotion flow between two bodies I pour the last of myself into her soul The most blissful moment of my life... The butterfly comes to life again Her arms go limp Her eyes begin to close I hear her sigh She is gone I feel the butterfly tug itself loose And see it flutter to the heavens Where my love has gone to rest It will live on Forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slagar Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 Nice Gecko Pretty abstract, and I like the words you use to continually paint pictures in my mind. Not exceedingly descriptive, which I think helps it flow nicely. A lot is going on in this piece. Good stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 Thanks slag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brando Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 I chased the sun But it was fading fast Into the west A butterfly began to grow in my heart Love everyone, but keep them far from your soul... Some nice imagery in your poem... just a question though... have you tried rewriting it?? maybe making a bit shorter, more concise, you may even find a second poem with some editing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 Yeah I noticed how long it is. 8-[ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 oh, good. another teenager who writes better than i ever will. oh, i'm so happy. i hate you all!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Hey Gecko, The imagery in that is awesome, and the emotion really comes through...I don't often comment on poetry here but well, there ya go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brando Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 just something i learned a while ago about rewriting. Taking some time and walk away from the poem, and then look and read it again, and see where some chnages can be made. I am just trying to be constructive, not destructive Gecko..i hope you realize this. And i dont want to reply it is good...i hatd that comment from others. It meant to me they didnt read or listen to a poem i wrote, and the did not know what to say. No poem or story were ever written straight out in one sitting, except maybe of course "On the Road" by Keourac...there is a story about that of details that are vague to me now. be well, B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 Yes, of course I'll try rewriting it and see what I come up with. Thanks for the comments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meant_to_love Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Oh my..that poem was beautiful. You are beautiful. : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
37
Recommended Posts