NJRon Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You don't really need to bring up facebook. Bring up the status of your relationship. Once you have clarified it... facebook will take care of itself. If he doesn't change it to "in a relationship" after you two declare yourselves to be in a relationship... *then* is when I would be concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 ok, so today things were a little better. by the way, i jsut wanted to thank you guys so much for listening to me whine all the time. i know there are people much worse off out there and i really do appreciate it! after we talked last night i felt a lot better, today i didn't get a text from him, but a reply to a forward about an apt i'd sent him. and it was cute and sweet. then he IMed me and was fine, he seemed normal. he worried me for a bit, b/c we had dinner plans on friday, but he just wanted to switch them to saturday so we'd have more time to be ready for it (we both have long days tomorrow). i asked him if things were ok. he said they were 50/50. i asked him which 50 i was in, and he said i was fine. so we talked for a while and i got off because i ahve to go to the grocery store. i guess i don't really know what to bring up with him...should i jsut say something like...well, i know you got upset with me the other day, but i noticed that you talk to me a lot less than jsut a week ago. did they way you feel about me change at all? are you seeing anyone else now? is anything going on in your life that you want me to know about? how do i bring up the relationship talk without totally scaring him off? do i tell him that it hurt my feelings when he didn't return my calls earlier last night? urgh, i've never had the relationship talk. it's so frustrating... i feel like if i inundate him with these questions, he might just hate me or be annoyed. he's just been so down about not having an apt or a job...hopefully these things will be solved soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Hey Gradle, Didn't he just tell you that he doesn't want to spend TOO much time with you? That he might want to slow things down a bit? I don't think now is a great time to bring up a relationship talk, unless you do want to scare him off. Why not relax, enjoy each other's company, and hold off on the heavy talks for at least a few weeks, since he just gave you an idea of where he stands? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 no, i completely agree hope. i like him a lot i've discovered...but i don't want to bring it up until things are better with us. and even then i don't want to bring it up. does this mean we're not exclusive anymore? that he's dating other people? i do'nt know, i guess i should ask that, so at least i know where i stand. when did the beginnings of a relationship get so hard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Well, what exactly did he say? Did he agree that you were exclusive before? Unless he outright said he wanted to back off and see other people, I would think it would be safe to guess that you are still exclusive. I thought he just mentioned slowing things down and not spending so much time together, and that he was concerned that you thought he was using you for a place to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 well, he brought it up before, he wanted to be exclusive, and when we first started dating he was really upset that i was dating someone else (he broke up with his girlfriend at the time to date me) since then he did ask if we were exclusive, and we both agreed that we would be. so i won't bring it up again. one thing though. my friend just called and said that his g/f (who is also C's ex from many many years ago) takled to C. i guess C was talking about me and was saying that i was a little upset about things and although i was trying to act ok, he could tell that i was upset. then i guess this girl told my friend about how C's father abandoned him, and how C is really scared of being abandoned, and becaused i played "hard to get" C has this fear that i'm going to leave him? and he's told me before that he thinks i'm going to leave him. i guess i didn't really mean to play hard to get, when i knew i liked him i definitely showed it, i guess i'm just confused with how he's acting now adn what this girl says... i don't know if i should text him adn say "have a good night" but i just really want to give him the space he's asking for...i'm just confused....i just decided i was going to live my life normally and be me and if he wanted to join me in it he could, i don't want to force him to and i don't want him to feel suffocated, but i don't want him to feel like i'm pulling away from him for any reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I think you should stop listening to other people about your relationship. they all have their own spins and own adgendas, I think you should just keep things between you and C. If he wants some space, give it to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 thanks annie. i really do need to be reminded that sometimes. i'm like a child but you're right, i do think people have their own agenda's and i'd like to keep things between C and i. i think i'd like to have just a frank talk with him sometime soon, just to see where he's at, if we're even on the same page anymore. but you're right. tomorrow i'm keeping my mouth shut about us! thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 You know, Annie is a very wise woman. When I hear things like this I always go straight to the source, rather then wondering what my next move is. I'd rather hear those kinds of things from my bf, and work them out between US, then trip around his friends and myself imagining the worst and wonder what to do about it. Why not just try to relax and have some FUN with C? Remember why you agreed to date him in the first place? What attracted you to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 hi hope, yesss...annie=wise! what attracted me to C? when i first met him i was actually tryign to set him up with my friends, not becasue ididn't like him, but b/c i was dating someone. C wouldn't have any of that. he liked me and he kept saying he was going to win, that he was going to get me. he did. he's cute and funny. we're very different in some ways, but he makes me laugh adn i can spend a lot of time with him and i don't start jsut wanting to be left alone (which is rare wiht most people i meet). i'm sure you didn't really want to know the reasons. but it makes me smile to remember how he'd act. finally i just gave in and let him kiss me . funny how things turn out... well, i just called him and his phone was off, so i left a nice message. i know i won't see him tonight but i just wanted him to know i was thinking about him because i didn't call him last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 sad things is, i guess, he gets sick of me argh...i'll be ok. if i can get through the thing with j, i can get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I was interested in hearing what made you like him and vice versa, but I also wanted YOU to think about that and remember that. I think you tend to get very intense, very fast in your relationships... this was a problem for you with J and with the C that came after J a little bit too. That can be overwhelming for a guy. You learned how important it was for you to have outside interests and keep yourself busy too- not only for yourself, but so you don't come accross so strong. Relationships are supposed to be fun... remember? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
life_hard Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 It sounds to be that you guys may be emotionally incompatible. If at this early state, there are some sort of negative emotions going on, it is somewhat a red flag, at this early stage, it should be all fun and warm feeling inside.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradle Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 hi guys! hope you had a great weekend! mine went well, C and i hung out some on saturday and sunday and today. it went well, except he was sick and i was mostly taking care of him. he was miserable, but he was sweet too and said a lot of really nice things to me. so i feel a lot better about us. i know i still need to have a frank talk with him, but i want to do it when i'm a little more confident.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 It sounds like you jump in very fast because you need to have a boyfriend and become intimate before you have developed a solid sense of trust and intimacy - emotional intimacy. Why the rush? If you really think about it my guess is it is not from how you feel about the other person but how you feel about yourself - vulnerable and needy without someone you can call your "man" or your "boyfriend." This makes you vulnerable to men who take advantage of a needy person as he may be doing and after awhile they will see you as clingy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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