needhelp112692 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Hey all, Thanks in advance for all those who are going to read this and give advise. OK well I started conversations with this girl about a week ago.We met on Match. We have been talking on the phone every night and we really get along well. She is a very "good" girl. Meaning she is very responsable, never has done a drug or even smoked a ciggarette, never been drunk and is one of those people who wake up early in the AM. She is 24 and I am 31. I know there is a bit of an age gap there but it is no biggie. Anyways...we finally meet lastnight for the date.We went to one of these places where you can shoot pool,play video games,skeetball.....stuff like that.So we were having a good time playin pool..little flirtting back and forth.....so we basically stayed there for 2 hours or so. She suggested we go someplace else..just to chill and talk....being that it was late already and she wasn't going to be drinking I didn't suggest a bar or anything....she already ate so getting food was out......I then said "Well we could go back to my place if you are comfortable with..I mean I understand if you aren't cause it is the first time we are meeting and all". She says " Yeah that's fine as long as you don't try to seduce me or anything"......I said (playfully).."define seduce"..........she said " you really need a definition for that".......I said " Well I mean if I tried to kiss you is that no good ?". .......at this point I was basically trying to see where I stood with her.....so at the end of the night I would know wether or not to go in for the "goodnight kiss". She then says " well I don't kiss guys on the first date".....I said (shocked) " really?"......She says " yeah why..you seem shocked by that....you never met girls that don't"............I said "well no actually...usually on a date and things are going well...it usually just happens". She says "well I don't...does that mean you don't want me to come over?"....................I said " NO!!...of course I want you to come over". So basically we went back to my place hung out for a couple of hours and watched some comedians on TV. I then walked her out to her car...I said.."well don't worry I won't go in for the kiss"....we gave eachother a nice hug..thenaked one another for coming out.........I told her to call me when she got in ..so I knew that she got in ok........she did.......I asked her on the phone if she wanted to get together again sometime next week.....she said " yeah..gimme a call when you get back from Atlantic City and we'll pick a date"..........................I woke up the next morning and saw a text message from her on my computer...it just said...."hey". Here are my questions/problems with lastnight............... It was very hard for me to tell if she was really into me Do you think she was telling the truth bout kissing on the first date or just flat out didn't wanna kiss me. She seamed "slightly" apprehensive when I asked her bout the second date....now I don't know if that was me just reading to deep into thing or if she really was. How sould I proceed in this situation here...........let's say we do go on a 2nd date.....should I move in for the kiss at the end of the night...not sure what to do................would a girl really go on a 2nd date with a guy if she wasn't interested? Any help you guys can give me here would be a help....thx for reading....Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Hey bro, I think things are fine at this point. You said she's a "good girl" which to me implies with that she is also a bit shy, reserved, apprehensive especially when meeting someone off the Internet. Even though you guys spoke on the phone, emailed, etc., in reality, in person, you guys are strangers to each other and just getting to know one another... What I would do is ask her out again for sure. You had fun with her, right? Just let go of your expectations of "action" and focus on having fun and getting to know her. Things will sort themselves out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuys Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 my opinion is you kept putting on pressure with the asking about kiss and all. Don't even mention it again, she seemed to be on the verge of liking you or not. Just play it cool and have fun. The kiss will happen, don't get too concerned about how many dates it's been. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I wouldn't kiss either, if she wants a second date I think thats a good sign. Just don't expect a kiss then either, let her move at the pace she wants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 In my experience 9 out of 10 girls who said that they weren't the type to kiss on first dates would in fact kiss on the first date if they were into you. I learned to stop "talking" about it and simply let it happen. The blunder I think you made here was talking too much about the situation rather than keeping it on a teasing/fun level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 For the first date I would say that there are some positives and some negatives. See how she responds to the second date and take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I think you put a lot of pressure on her and even more so since you know she is conservative. I can't see myself ever going back to a man's place on a first date especially if we met through the internet. All that talking about what she meant by "seduce" also was inappropriate. You made her feel uncomfortable and I am surprised she even agreed to go back to your place. If you want to date a lady, treat her like one. Enough talk about s_x and intimacy - get to know her as a person, plan an interesting date for next time and ask her out in advance. Don't talk about going back to one of your places again for at least another few dates and don't play games with defining "seduce." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needhelp112692 Posted August 25, 2006 Author Share Posted August 25, 2006 thx guys for all the input.......I guess there is nothing I can do but see if the 2nd date will actually happen........if it does I won't push for the kiss I will just let it happen........................should I reconfirm bout the 2nd date next time we speak..or is that being too pushy......or should I wait and see if she brings it up?.................thanks again guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I'd give it a few more conversations before bringing up the second date. I get the feeling you are being a little too aggressive with asking her out and getting physical with her, maybe forcing the issue a bit. Just let go of that and focus on her life, getting to know her, and enjoying your time together, be that over the phone, email, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai714 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 NeedHelp, Don't count yourself out. She liked hanging out with you but there are a few things you can improve on. Don't ever ask a woman if you can kiss her. Instead, get a good read on her body language. Pay attention to what her body tells you. Don't discuss whether or not you're going to kiss her - it's something that you either do or don't do, which should depend on what her body signals tell you. If you're going to talk about kissing with her and what not, keep it light. You might say something off the wall such as, "I've got a rule regarding first dates: no sex, so please don't try to get down my pants tonight." Side note: this woman who hasn't ever had a drink or smoked will eventually come out of her shell and you could be the one to "break her in" so to speak. Also, pay attention to her reaction when you're with her. I noticed that she was seeking your approval when she said, "well I don't...does that mean you don't want me to come over?"...................." Here, she's putting you in control of the situation and what she's going to do whether it be go back to your place, or not. Pick up on these things and take the lead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotcha Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I don't kiss on a first date either! I think you should proceed by asking her for a second date after you get back from Atlantic City just like she asked. Trying to kiss her on the second date really depends on her. She seems to be pretty up front. If she tells you again not to try and seduce her, don't! Make your judgement based on her body language.. Is she sitting closer or touching you more often? Also, I know if I'm wanting a good night kiss the good-bye at the end of the night, well, I will sort of linger... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flower99 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Hey bro, I think things are fine at this point. You said she's a "good girl" which to me implies with that she is also a bit shy, reserved, apprehensive especially when meeting someone off the Internet. Even though you guys spoke on the phone, emailed, etc., in reality, in person, you guys are strangers to each other and just getting to know one another... What I would do is ask her out again for sure. You had fun with her, right? Just let go of your expectations of "action" and focus on having fun and getting to know her. Things will sort themselves out... completely agree!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Chai and Diggity are saying some good things. I've had women tell me they don't kiss on the first date, after they kissed me on the first date. I had one who asked immediately after I kissed her in the middle of Grand Central Terminal, on our first date, if I wanted her to take off all her clothes so we could have sex right there. She was really being sarcastic and seeming put off. And I responded with a comment much like Chai's suggestion about how I was just not that type of guy to move that fast and she needed to slow down for me. One our next date, she grabbed and kissed me in public (Wolman Rink on a busy weekend evening). Don't ask, just move in for the kiss and do it. Women kiss guys they are attracted to. Although I have had some insist that they don't kiss on the first date, and they seem to believe that, they did with me. Anyway, it's over. Next date, kiss her. Do pay attention to her body language. If you need to read up on it, do it. Body langauge is THE LANGAUGE OF LOVE. You need to know it and pay attention to it. And I would not talk to her much until the second date, although I might confirm a few days ahead of time, just to make sure she knew the time and appropriate attire. I might not tell her where we were going. I'd give her directions on how to meet me and a gues sas to how long it might last. I would have an activity set and it would be followed or preceded by a meal or something. And it would be my plan. While you are at it, go read Diggity's new thread about Men vs. Boys. It's pretty good, although I am still thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luck of the Irish Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Go slow brotha! Relax and dont analzye so much. Go on this second date and start slow. Put your arm around her first. Read her body language. If this chick is ice cold and her posture is rigid, then something's wrong. But if she maintains eye contact, play with the hair, touches your leg, leans in when you are talking, ETC, then you are gold. I think you made a good call taking her back to your pad. A bar would have been a bad place. So plan date #2 and then maybe #3 and #4, take the initiative, and when the itme is right give her a kiss that makes her weak in the knees! If she still rejects you then, then the time will never be right with her. Deeper issues. Good luck~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Your mistake was asking her if you could kiss her. I personally would be put off if a date went well, I went to kiss her good night and she rejected it. I'd see it as pretty obvious disinterest. That is just me though. I respect that there are women who won't let a man kiss them goodnight on a first date. But just know that for most men, you are sending them a very negative signal when you do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Just_a_girl Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Frisco you got some smarts there! Sounds a little aggressive...but moreso just into her. Let it ride a bit. She's feeling you out. no matter how short the text was... she was in fact thinking about you. Here's a lil something for the awkward (should I, shouldn't I) 1st kiss... You're on a date..you pull up to her place to drop her off... What if you wanted to take that chance and go for the kiss... you could lean in...if she pulls away then stop and tell her you had a great time. If she doesn't pull away... well, you have your answer What do people think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Just a girl, I'd probably be even more aggressive than that. Assuming things went very well, I would just look her in the eye and ask her to come closer to me. Then of course take her hands in mind and imperceptively move closer to her to where we were face to face. I definitely wouldn't rush it and she would have plenty of time to know what was coming next. It gives her a heads up and makes things more intimately close. It would be harder for her to pull away. She would have to tell me no pretty directly. Nothing wrong with a more moderate approach like yours. I just like to set the tone and let her know I want to feel her body close to mine and that we are already forming an intimate relationship. I wouldn't be shooting for a long passionate kiss though unless that is what she is after. I just want her feel how I feel and for her to want more. How a man kisses is one of the first indications of how he will treat a woman in bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needhelp112692 Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!! After not speaking to her for a day I definatley thought she wasn't into me. But then she called me lastnight and asked I wanted to hang out and rent a movie or something. I said yes..so she came over and we watched a movie. Halfway through the movie she grabbed my hand and wrapped my arm around her. I was so happy......we finally kissed.....alot.....and have plans for dinner this weekend. All and all I guess she is just shy and needed sometime.....so I'm gonna go nice and slow with this one and see where it takes us. Thanks for everyones advice and time all you guys spend reading it and giving me help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beec Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flower99 Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!! After not speaking to her for a day I definatley thought she wasn't into me. But then she called me lastnight and asked I wanted to hang out and rent a movie or something. I said yes..so she came over and we watched a movie. Halfway through the movie she grabbed my hand and wrapped my arm around her. I was so happy......we finally kissed.....alot.....and have plans for dinner this weekend. All and all I guess she is just shy and needed sometime.....so I'm gonna go nice and slow with this one and see where it takes us. Thanks for everyones advice and time all you guys spend reading it and giving me help. Awwww...that's sweet! She was just shy, a good girl. I'm happy for you. Hope it works out well (: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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